Mental Health

After getting through the worst of su!c!d@! thoughts, SH, and depression, I noticed something. I’m really self aware. My mind is so much harsher on me than others, like the devil itself is whispering and manipulating my emotions.
I got offered to walk to somewhere to eat today for lunch with my friends, but I said no. Why? I don’t know. Until after.
I realized that I absolutely LOVE being alone. Sitting on the bench, the sun hitting my face at just the right angle, swinging my legs and eating alone, I felt something I couldn’t for such a long time; Peace. Peace without may judgement, or comparisons, or pressure, or drama. Just purely peace and quiet. And I started to appreciate this life. Even though it is the same one that tortured me, this life also taught me to be stronger. If i didn’t go through all that, I couldn’t have gotten more happiness then before my mental health went down.
I’m not saying I hate people; my mind just pressures all the comparisons and hate when I’m with them. I feel like I need to constantly prove myself. But without them, I feel so happy.
So yes. It gets better. And once it does, you’re stronger than before. Yes, I still do spiral into negativity and depression late at night sometimes, but it always passes. Keep going <3333