Published January 9, 2009
This is most likely the best poem I've written - ever - but don't go easy on it, please.
Rotten Banana
Held captive in clothes of congealed slime,
escaping through congested slits; it remains
a wobegone reject at the bottom of the fruit bowl,
cowering - the prospect of its smelly fate
in the depths of the garbage can
heavy on its mind.
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141,617 Literary Works • 675,172 Reviews
Thanks for your reviews!
I think I took out "putrid" at one point, but I guess I put it back in. Yes, I will take it out again.
Hi!
I decided to read the poem since it has such an interesting title.
I loved the way you just picked something thatt people would hardly notice and made something really nice out of it. I love the way it is tinged with humour.
In
The 'smelly' and 'putrid' clash because they're kind of the same and though it may sound nice to a reader just reading it, if one reads carefully, it doesn't feel so good.
Also I didn't get the last line
Nice poem on the whole,
Keep Writing!
~Lava
I love it. I love the voice. And I just feel like it doesn't try to do too much. I think it's effortlessly interesting.
"a wobegone reject at the bottom of the fruit bowl," is my favorite line.
My only problem might be that you used smell and then putrid in the next line and I guess that's a little repetitive, right?
I love this poem because when I picture the banana, I see a little face on it with a trembling lip and half-closed eyes and a tear squeezing out of one of them. If you can write six lines and make me picture that, that is a job well done.
I wish I had more constructive things to say.
Well done.
rachel
I really enjoyed this.
I like how you took an everyday object, with nothing really special about it, and wrote it in a way that sounds dramatic. It was funny. (always good to entertain a reader, in my opinion) but it was also well written in that it wasn't overdone in the drama.
Nice job!
On this last line did you mean to say weigh heavy on it's mind? Because wrote this way, it is a bit confusing to the reader.
Is this supposed to comedic, or are you trying to get something else across?
It's short, so there isn't much to review on.
The only thing that I can suggest is that you go back and catch the typos and other such little mistakes.
Good luck and keep writing, sorry I couldn'd review that much on so little.