She stood up on her pointed silver heals, and straightened herself. The music from the other room bounced against the walls. She stared at her reflection in the mirror. Her mascara had run down her lashes, marking black tears underneath her green eyes. She took a piece of toilet paper and tried watching the mess off her face.
Not all of it came out, but it was enough. No one would tell she’d been crying. She searched her hand-size purse, and pulled out a lip gloss. When her lips were bright red again, she smiled.
Perfect, she thought.
She flung the door open, and made her way through the crowd, keeping her head high, maintaining perfect balance, shaking her curves with every stride. She looked around. A grin came to her lips. She’d spotted them. Three people –a guy and a girl, who held hands, and a skinny guy with glasses –sat at the end of the bar, talking.
She strode to them.
“Hey!” she said putting her head between the couple, and placing her arms across their shoulders.
The other girl jumped. “Oh God! Alexa!”
Alexa laughed. “Sorry, Tiff. Did I scare you?”
Tiff looked at her with narrow eyes. “About time you showed up.” But she smiled.
“Where have you been?” asked the guy holding Tiff’s hand, Eric.
Alexa backed away from them and shrugged. “Around.” She waved eagerly at the boy with glasses. “Hey Josh.”
Josh smiled, and gave her a small wave.
Tiff placed a hand on her shoulder. “Alexa… I um… there’s something you should know.”
Alexa frowned. “What?”
“Robert… I sort of just saw him with…”
“Vanessa? I know.” She shrugged again. “This is the third time.”
“And you’re ok?”
Alexa rolled her eyes. “Told him it was over. Don’t make a big deal about it.”
“Well, all right then,” said Eric, standing up, “This party sucks. Let’s get out of here.”
Tiff appeared about to say something, but, before she could, Eric had pulled her out of the chair, and dragged her through the crowd.
Josh stood next to Alexa. “You ok?”
She turned at him, another grin on her face. “Duh, silly. Let’s go.” She grabbed his hand.
Josh tensed, but smiled.
Alexa didn’t notice. She pulled him through the crowd.
The parking lot was dark. Only a few couples roamed around. Some inside the cars, others outside.
Alexa and Josh followed Tiff and Eric to their car. When they got there, the couple was already inside waiting for them.
Josh opened the door for Alexa.
“Thanks,” she said, and slid in to give him space. But Josh didn’t get in.
He leaned down at the door and asked: “Where are you guys going anyway?”
Eric shrugged without turning to him. “Hit a club. Or we could get some beers and head to the beach.”
Josh frowned. “It’s two in the morning.”
Eric looked over his shoulder with annoyance. “So? What? You’re afraid of getting grounded or something? You’re in college Josh! Lighten up.”
Josh shrugged. “Sorry, man. Early class tomorrow.”
Eric raised both eyebrows. “Fine.” He looked away. “Have fun sleeping.”
Josh turned to Alexa with a smile. “You have fun too.” He closed the door and walked away.
Eric started the car.
“Wait,” said Alexa. She leaned to the front. “I’ll go get Josh.”
Eric raised an eyebrow at her. “He’s not coming.”
She grinned. “I think I can change his mind.”
Eric groaned. “I’m not waiting for you.”
“That’s all right. We’ll meet you there.” She opened the door and stepped out before he could say anything else.
Josh was half way to his car by now, but she could still see him.
“Hey, Josh!”
He turned to her and frowned with confusion.
She walked to him. As she did, Eric drove past her.
“Why didn’t you go with them?”
She frowned. “Why didn’t you?”
He shrugged. “Told you, early class.”
She raised an eyebrow. “Or you’re just too proud to get drunk in front of your friends.”
He made a face. “No. But I do hate hangovers.”
“So? Everyone does.” She put her hand on her shoulder. “Come on! Lighten up.”
He sighed. “I’m heading back to campus, Alexa.”
“Why?”
He shrugged. “I think I’ve partied enough. I won’t die for skipping a couple of beers.”
She rolled her eyes. “Fine.”
“I’ll see you around.” He stepped away from her.
Alexa hesitated. She looked around the parking lot, but recognized no one.
“You want a ride?” Josh asked, already at his car.
“Yeah, thanks.” She walked to him.
The drive back to the campus’s dorms wasn’t too long. Yet Josh made it feel shorter than it was. Alexa spent the whole trip laughing at his jokes about his crazy family back in Arizona. He had been raised by his uncle and his wife, both who hardly agreed in anything, but where crazy about each other. And the stories he had were just hilarious.
“He burned the Christmas three?” she asked laughing.
“Yeah, by accident but…,” he chuckled, “Uncle Jeff’s the clumsiest guy you’ll ever meet.”
“If I’d known you were this funny in high school, I probably wouldn’t have ignored you, Josh.”
“Yeah, you would,” he said meeting her eyes. The smile faded from his lips. “You had your own problems back then.”
Alexa shrugged, but looked away. “Yeah, well nobody has to know about that now, all right?”
Josh nodded. “Sure…”
Alexa looked at him. “What?”
“How’s your mom?”
Alexa looked away again. “In and out of rehab since dad left. Like always. I’ve hardly talked to her this year, though.”
“You know, you could always talk to me if you-“
“I rather forget.” She turned to him and grinned. “Life’s more fun that way.”
He opened his mouth to say something, but he didn’t get a chance. Alexa leaned down and kissed him. Just a touch of the lips, but it was enough to throw him aback.
“Don’t get too excited, Josh.” She winked at him. “You’re too good for me. Not my type.”
“I…” He shook his head. “Why? What?”
She shrugged. “I had fun. It’s the least you deserve.”
He frowned. “You can drive a guy crazy like that, you know.”
She laughed. “I hope it won’t be you.”
He sighed. “I don’t make any promises.”
“Just friends, Josh. Don’t expect another. I like you too much for that.” She opened the door and stepped out, not waiting for his response.
Once in the elevator she took off her shoes. Her feet were burning from the pain. She could barely feel her toes. The doors slid open. She strode into her room. There, she switched on the lights, but the room still appeared dark to her. Lonely. She leaned back against the wall and let herself slide to the floor. Tears rolled down her cheeks.
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125,006 Literary Works • 672,809 Reviews
Thanks for pointing out the mistakes.
And for enjoying my work.
I'll let you know if I add to it. It'll probably take a while, though, I have a few projects at hand.
I really like this, Zoray. It's real. No one's life is perfect and you make that obvious. There are a few nitpicks, of course.
I would love to see this piece expanded, let me know when you write more of it. I will be overjoyed to read and critique.
Happy writing.
Thanks for the reviews!
Oh great it does sound alike...Kaedee: I must admit that when you told me I should extend the ending I didn't think I could do much with it, but it turns out Alexa let out what she had in her mind. Ok, not sure if that made any sense. What I mean is that I extended the ending and added her memories and a few other things. And now I love it! So, thanks!
As for the title, I really like it so... I'll explain it to you. "Two Hers" refers to Alexa being two people. I suppose its sounds like a grammatical error sense "hers" is an adjective but um... what I mean is the "two personalities that are hers", but that's too long for a title. But, since I like it, I'll leave it as it is unless it confuses too many people. Thanks for pointing out that it confuses you.
Lilymoore:
Thanks for pointing out the grammar. Especially the comma thing. (It's a mistake I make a lot, but mostly out of ignorance, so now I know
I'll also check out the character descriptions. I hadn't thought about the descriptions too much, but you're right, they are needed.
I'll let you know if I add to it. To be quite honest, I'd like to know what will happen between them too.
Zoray! Horay! Hehe, they sound alike.
Anyways…a few nitpicks.
Okay, this is a comma thing. You really don’t need that second comma. You have two separate phrases separated by comma but. All those silly comma rules dictate that you shouldn’t have that second one.
I think “I” should be “I’d.” It makes more sense that way.
Okay, what you’re saying in this sentence is that he shouldn’t expect anyone else. But what you should actually say, to keep the context of the idea correct, is: “Don’t expect anything else.” It would make more sense I think.
This is a sweet story but you need to be careful of having too big of a cast. When you have a short story and a lot of characters, things can get confusing. Extra characters create a lot of weight in the story that you don’t need. Adding more description and making each character more distinct than just a name would really help clean this up as well though.
I would love to see more of this, though, mostly to know what happens between Josh and Alexa.
Good luck and happy writing!
~lilymoore
Yo, Zoray. (: Kaedee is here to review!
Let me guess what you were trying to show the reader through this piece: Alexa is a girl who is bright and cheery and fun on the outside, but really is bruised and sad and depressed on the inside. This was a nice piece, but I wish you could have played (what I just said about Alexa/this story) this up a bit more, especially in the beginning and end.
Also, I'm a little bit iffy about the title and the ending. What is the title supposed to mean? I still don't get it. Perhaps that's just me? Now, about the ending. Just saying 'Tears rolled down her cheeks' isn't the best ending. Something like, 'She leaned back against the wall and let herself slide to the floor, a tear slowly slipping down her cheek' would be at least a little bit better. Or end the piece with her thinking of her mother/her family, or end the piece with something adding to her background/life.
Hope I helped! Thanks for the sweet read. As I said, I liked this, but I wish you focused even more on the message in this story. Keep up the good work-
KD