The world is zombified
Yeah all their brains are fried
I know you’re mortified but we must keep it strong and move along tonight
Otherwise we’re dead
Everyone I love is dead
We’ll shoot the rest in the head
Although everything is gone our love still carries on and keeps us strong to fight
The freakin’ undead
Zombies are attacking
But we’ll send them packing
This is so nerve-racking but we must survive the fight
We must survive
The world is zombified
Yeah all their brains are fried
I know you’re mortified but we must keep it strong and move along tonight
Otherwise we’re dead
Zombie fuckhead brawl
We will kill them all
Now I’m pissed cos one of them just bit me on the ass
I’m not gonna last
Everything is dead
We shot ‘em in the head
Now I’m seeing red I think I’m changing into one of them
Save your own skin
The world is zombified
Yeah all their brains are fried
I know you’re mortified but we must keep it strong and move along tonight
Otherwise we’re dead
The world is crumbling down
It’s almost to the ground
I don’t really care I am just craving for your flesh
Glad that it’s fresh
You are running now
We got into a row
Oh you stupid cow you should have told me you had a blood disease before
Before I bit you
The world is zombified
Yeah all their brains are fried
You’re freakin’ mortified and I am chasing you through the night
Gonna eat you
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
Ooh, I like this. I keep seeing it as some sort of punk rock pop song or something. Lots of attitude, and of course, zombies!
The rhyming scheme seemed a little wonky though. I couldn't quite tell what was supposed to rhyme where. I mean, the first two lines of each verse obviously rhymed, but it didn't seem like there was a pattern to the next two lines. In some verses they rhymed with each other, in some verses, the fourth line rhymed with the first two, etc. etc. It needs a little consistency there.
I was a bit confused about this verse. I mean, why would the singer care if the other person had a blood disease if they are a zombie already? Or is this referencing something in the past? I'm confused as to what you're trying to say here.
All in all, I liked it. It had a lot of "oomph" to it and I found myself sort of bopping along to it in my head despite everything. Quite nice.
Feel free to shoot me a PM if you have any questions!
~GryphonFledgling
Spoiler
Yeah all their brains are fried I would change this to another word. 'Yeah' is bland for such a dramatic poem.
I know you’re mortified but we must keep it strong and move along tonight
Otherwise we’re dead
Everyone I love is dead
We’ll shoot the rest in the head
Although everything is gone our love still carries on and keeps us strong to fight
The freakin’ undead This is my favorite stanza.
Zombies are attacking
But we’ll send them packing
This is so nerve-racking but we must survive the fight
We must survive
The world is zombified
Yeah all their brains are fried See above.
I know you’re mortified but we must keep it strong and move along tonight Good word!
Otherwise we’re dead
Zombie fuckhead brawl xD yes
We will kill them all
Now I’m pissed cos one of them just bit me on the ass You could do 'cuz, but cos is not a word.
I’m not gonna last
Everything is dead Do you mean to say everyone? By saying everything, the next sentance is confusing. You can't shoot trees or plants in the head.
We shot ‘em in the head
Now I’m seeing red I think I’m changing into one of them
Save your own skin
The world is zombified
Yeah all their brains are fried
I know you’re mortified but we must keep it strong and move along tonight
Otherwise we’re dead
The world is crumbling down
It’s almost to the ground
I don’t really care I am just craving for your flesh
Glad that it’s fresh I love how in the beginning you said all you needed was love and now you just want to eat them.
You are running now
We got into a row Doesn't rhyme and is honestly confusing. What do you mean?
Oh you stupid cow you should have told me you had a blood disease before this is VERY awkward. Cut it out!
Before I bit you
The world is zombified
Yeah all their brains are fried
You’re freakin’ mortified and I am chasing you through the night
Gonna eat you
Heyyy! I really like this!
A few words of advice:
The long third sentance of every stanza isn't working for me. It's rather run-on-y and disturbs the flow of the poem. You might be doing this to show the choppy fight-or-flight world of the zombies, though.
Please continue writing. You were able to fit irony into your poem about blood and death and eating people, and I love it!
~Erin