Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
TV(newscaster) " There has been yet another disappearance last night. A high school girl (whose name is to be confidential)was last seen going home after doing her part time job but has not returned since. there seems to be no trace of her anywhere.residents living around her work place have reported seeing a shady looking posh black car lingering on the streets roughly around the time she disappeared. what has completely dumbfounded the police is that even though witnesses are certain that the strange car is not tinted, they cant remember the face of the driver. and those who do remember don't give similar descriptions.as you've all noticed, these disappearances have been happening around the world and the very few victims found have seemed to lost their memory. so as to be safe we were given permission to state our latest victims school so that others around there can be alert.she goes to a school called...."
Well, this is an interesting starting point there, very interesting and rather mysterious news broadcast...or rather a regular broadcast about a mysterious series of disappearances...and well it definitely catches your attention rather quickly there..definitely a good place to open things on here.
"I'mgonna be late for school!"Zakiya exclaimed as sheturned offtheTV whilestruggling to put on her socks andstuffeda slice of toast in her mouth. she staggeredquicklyto gether shoes and put them on as she put her lunchin herbag simultaneously.she zoomed out of thehouse and ranlike herlife depended on it nearly falling flat on her face twice.
Her mother watched her and sighed,"doesshe have to go to schooltwo hours early?" she thought, then coughed intoherarm.p.
Oooh, well this makes things very interesting. We've got the broadcast being cut off just as it is about to mention the name of this school where the disappearances happen at and then we see this person running off to school to get their quite early....and well, that definitely seems to suggest something might happen to this one here.
She loved that her daughterwas an honor student who wasalways punctual,and finishedreadingher text book aheadof the class,and likeddoing extrahomework and projects and nevergot into trouble. but still....was that normal for a14 tear old girl? Zakiya could at least mess uponcein a while so thatshe couldplayher role as an educatingmother.
suddenlyshe felta bit dizzy, herforeheadfelt warm,"I must bethinking tomuch."she said to herself taking her suit case to head to work.she had to stay strong for her daughter and protecther fromthem.
The thoughts of the mother there towards the end are very interesting,, they certainly make you wonder what could be going on...that final line about protecting her daughter from a mysterious "them" certainly makes you think quite a bit there...on the whole I'd say this makes for a pretty good first part to this first chapter here....the one thing I will mention before I end off here is that...you've gotta take a second look at capitals here, there are so many places where its been omitted and on top of that we've also got soo many places where you've forgotten to put spaces in between words.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
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