I said I'm sorry then goodbye

Wow, this poem is so amazing, and so sad at the same time. Although I didn't think the style of the poem was very conventional, I liked how you made it very different. The only problem that I found with any part of this poem was the grammar. Just to point out a few of the grammar issues; you need to work on capitalization. such as capitalizing the word "I". I caught a lot of that throughout the entire poem so I am not going to point out every single one. Also, you need to capitalize the names Sandra and Samantha in the sixth stanza. And I think you meant to put a space after the question mark in the first line of that stanza. You also might want to be more careful in capitalizing the first letter in sentences. I know that I always forget to do stuff like that, but I find that it helps a lot when reading the poem.

I'm not trying to be nit picky with all of this grammar stuff (I actually hate grammar), but I know that I have trouble finding grammar mistakes in my own writing but I think that it can make any type of writing much better. Also, you used a couple of contractions in which you forgot to put in the apostrophe. The I'm in the last line of the second to last stanza and the won't in the seventh line of the last stanza and the fourth line of the fourth stanza both need apostrophes.

Lastly, you have a few places where you created run on sentences, I'm not sure if you wanted this, I have seen people do this as a stylistic choice before, but I thought you would like to be made aware of this if you did not already know. Just to point out a few that I saw, you need some point of punctuation after the line "I don't know a thing of mothers' love" also, you need to add an apostrophe after mothers. You also might want to add a comma after "just burn my corpse". One last thing, I was a little confused for a second when you said "puffer". I don't know if maybe that's what you call it, but if you like the word inhaler in that place it might improve it a little bit.

I really loved this poem, by the end of it I was almost crying. All of the content is amazing, I think that if you proofread it for grammar mistakes it could be perfect. Great job!

Wow, this poem is so amazing, and so sad at the same time. Although I didn't think the style of the poem was very conventional, I liked how you made it very different. The only problem that I found with any part of this poem was the grammar. Just to point out a few of the grammar issues; you need to work on capitalization. such as capitalizing the word "I". I caught a lot of that throughout the entire poem so I am not going to point out every single one. Also, you need to capitalize the names Sandra and Samantha in the sixth stanza. And I think you meant to put a space after the question mark in the first line of that stanza. You also might want to be more careful in capitalizing the first letter in sentences. I know that I always forget to do stuff like that, but I find that it helps a lot when reading the poem.

I'm not trying to be nit picky with all of this grammar stuff (I actually hate grammar), but I know that I have trouble finding grammar mistakes in my own writing but I think that it can make any type of writing much better. Also, you used a couple of contractions in which you forgot to put in the apostrophe. The I'm in the last line of the second to last stanza and the won't in the seventh line of the last stanza and the fourth line of the fourth stanza both need apostrophes.

Lastly, you have a few places where you created run on sentences, I'm not sure if you wanted this, I have seen people do this as a stylistic choice before, but I thought you would like to be made aware of this if you did not already know. Just to point out a few that I saw, you need some point of punctuation after the line "I don't know a thing of mothers' love" also, you need to add an apostrophe after mothers. You also might want to add a comma after "just burn my corpse". One last thing, I was a little confused for a second when you said "puffer". I don't know if maybe that's what you call it, but if you like the word inhaler in that place it might improve it a little bit.

I really loved this poem, by the end of it I was almost crying. All of the content is amazing, I think that if you proofread it for grammar mistakes it could be perfect. Great job!

Hey there!
This poem's good but I think it can get better. Your theme was good, very original. I liked how you portrayed it, as if the speaker was talking to her mom.
I'm not sure about your punctuation, though. You need to capitalize all you 'I's and the beginning o each line. Also you haven't used any apostrophes or many commas, which can get a bit distracting. You could put a comma where you want the reader to pause when they're reading out loud, or you could put one just where necessary. Proper punctuation makes the piece easier to read for any reader.
I like your rhyme scheme. It gave the poem a sing-song feel and made it more enjoyable. Sometimes the flow would break. I think that was mainly because of uneven length of lines. I prefer stanzas being the same length but I don't think it's necessary.

I'm sorry you had to work so hard for me
so that I could have food in my mouth,
clothes on me,
and a roof over my head.
I'm sorry you didn't do it out of love
but because it was a government policy.

I liked your rhyme here. (this was what I was talking about. The 3rd line is way shorter than the rest)

I'm sorry you couldn't buy that pool table you wanted.
The money was wasted on continuously buying me a cheap bag and school supplies.

Here the flow broke. There are too many words in the last line; I think you could do better off without the 'continuously' and 'me'. And again, capitalization.

I'm sorry that he didn't marry you because of me.
and that my dad left because of me.

Now if you see the last two stanzas, you'll notice each line ends with a full stop, making four sentences in a four-line stanza. You can try using commas or semicolons instead.

What's that? You talked to me?
You called me Sandra, close,
But my name is Samantha.
You got the 's' right 'mom'.

Here gain, the punctuation. You need to capitalize the starting letter of a name.

It feels awkward calling you that.
i don't know a thing of mothers love
but if it's telling your child that they are the root of all your problems
then im getting lots of "mothers love"

In 'mothers love' there should be an apostrophe (mother's love). It's easy to confuse yourself with this.

I think the best stanza was the last one. I loved how you ended it and the rhyme was really good too. The poem had a lot of emotion in it and was great. Keep writing!
Hope I helped.

-Angel

Oh, wow. This poem is SO SAD. I probably would've started crying, if I hadn't been looking at it from a critic's point of view and noticed a few grammatical errors; which were a bit distracting. Also, it could use a bit more flow because some of the lines were a bit chunky. Other than that, it's definitely sob-worthy and there's a ton of emotion in it. I think the ending's fine; the abruptness is good and makes it more dramatic, in my opinion. Heart-wrenching poem.

Hi.. So as you requested.. As far as the theme is concerned its really nice...the flow was a bit off in between.... I do have a few suggestions..

' I'm sorry that you had to pay for my puffer
cuz of my frequent asthma attacks. '
In this...I'm sure it would sound better if you replace the 'cuz' by a 'because'...Though slang is fine.. but it doesn't sound that good in poetry.. It could do better..

'you called me sandra.close'
Here, You've put a full stop..There's two errors if its supposed to be there.. Firstly the 'c' of 'close' should have been capital.. secondly you haven't given space after the full stop... I would sugest you remove the full stop and put a comma instead..tHAT'LL BE BETTER..

It would be good if you could either change or extend the last line...the ending is pretty abrupt..

You also need to pay attention on capitalization and punctuation...

Once you get past these errors..you've got a good piece..
Harshita:)