Young Writers Society

The Interwebs

Characters

Alex: Youngest of the three siblings, a bit of a prankster and a nerd. Is simply dressed in a T-shirt and jeans. Obsessed with the internet

Nick: Oldest sibling and a sort of ill-respected mentor to the others. Dressed in a collared shirt and jeans.

Amy: The middle sibling and the only girl in this oddball family. A little outgoing, but not too intelligent. Tends to get caught up in things.

Play

LIGHTS UP to see simply furnished room with a television, a couch and a table. Alex is sitting on the couch with his laptop with Nick sitting next to him eating out of a bag of pretzels

[Alex suddenly starts rapidly clicking the mouse]

Alex: WHAT! No… no, no, no, no, no.

Nick: What seems to be the problem?

Alex: Facebook isn’t working… the internet, it’s down.

Nick: Oh no, call the authorities, this should be on all of the local news channels. Geez, my own brother without the internet. What are the odds.

Alex: Nick, cut it out, this is serious. What are we going to do?

Nick: What’s the big deal, the internet crashed, so what, can’t you live without it.

Amy: (Offstage) ALLLLLEX!

Nick: Oh you’ve done it now.

[Enter Amy Stage right]

Amy: Alex what did you do to the internet?!?

Alex: Nothing, it just crashed.

Amy: Yeah, sure wise guy, this isn’t just another practical joke is it? Of all the people on the planet YOU had to be my brother.

Alex: Amy, I swear, I didn’t do anything. I was locked out too.

Amy: Well what are we supposed to do without the internet.

Nick: Read a book. Perhaps, oh, I’m sorry, would that be too intellectual for you too.

Amy: Can it Nick, we don’t need your sass.

Nick: All I’m saying, is you two can survive without the internet for a few hours.

Alex: Hours, you think that this could last hours, I can’t survive hours. Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.

Amy: Oh chill out Alex, it’s not like you had anything important to do, I was in the middle of a tweet.

Alex: Oh yeah, how many followers do you have?

Amy: [Pause] That’s not important.

Alex: Yes it is, how many followers do you have?

Amy: [Pause] Eight and a half….

Alex: Eight and a half, how did you get half a follow.

Amy: Well, YOU, certainly don’t count as a full person DO YOU!

[Amy and Alex bicker]

Nick: It’s times like these that I am glad that there are pretzels.

[Bickering and Nick eats a pretzel]

Nick: How could I stay sane through this without pretzels?

[Bickering continues and Nick eats another pretzel]

Nick: They’re so salty and crunchy, not to mention low in calories.

[Bickering continues, Nick eats one more pretzel]

[Nick shakes the bag]

Nick: I’m out of pretzels.

[Walks up to the other two]

Nick: Hey you two, CHILL THE HECK OUT!

[Bickering stops]

Nick: Now then, what do you guys like to do besides use the internet, to pass the time.

Alex: Eat.

Amy: (Almost overlapping) Do my nails.

Nick: Well do that then.

Amy: But my nails are already done.

Alex: And I’m full.

Nick: Fine, then find something else, just leave me alone.

Alex: Well, what do you do Nick.

Nick: What do I do? Well, if you have to ask..

[Picks up Sudoku book off of table]

Nick: I do Sudoku puzzles, wanna join, huh? Wanna?

Amy: Pass.

Nick: Fine, but don’t say you never gave you anything.

[Nick sits down on the couch and starts his Sudoku]

[Alex and Amy sit down on the ground]

Alex: We could play cards?

Amy: Do you know any good games?

Alex: No….. We could go outside.

[Thunder and lightning]

Amy: I’m gonna say no.

Alex: Fine, we could play truth or dare.

Amy: I’m up for that, let me just update Facebook first.

[Long pause as Amy walks up, grabs the laptop, sits down and starts to fiddle with it, only to remember that there is no internet]

Amy: Drat.

Alex: Come on, let’s play.

Amy: Fine, truth or dare.

Alex: Truth.

Amy: Why’d you break the internet.

Alex: When are you going to give up on that? Seriously?

Nick: [Laughing] When the internet comes back I am totally making a meme about you two.

Amy: Uh, are we seriously this lame.

Nick: Oh give it up you two, it’s obvious that you’re addicted to the internet.

Amy: Wait, that’s it.

[Alex and Nick jump up near each other scared, Nick dropping his book]

Alex: Uh-oh, she has an idea.

Nick: It’s never good when she has an idea.

[Both breathe in together}

Amy: [Pacing] If we are addicted to the internet we just need to break that addiction. Everyone sit in a circle.

Alex: Amy, no offense- you know what, take offense if you want, but your last idea involving circles involved a few too many scars on my butt cheeks.

Nick: Not to mention my leg hair just grew back.

Amy: Sit down a shut up you two, seriously.

[Nick and Alex Tenatively sit down on either side of Amy who sits cross legged on the couch.]

Amy: Now, since we’re addicted to the internet.

Nick: Actually I’m not. I’m the only one without problems here.

Amy: Fine, you’re addicted to Sudoku and pretzels then.

Nick: Yeah, I can believe that.

Amy: Anyway, we have to solve our problems like they do in alcoholics anonymous and those other support groups.

Alex: I’m not sure I follow.

Amy: Here, I’ll start [Clears her throat] Hi, my name is Amy and I am an internet addict.

[Pause]

[Amy looks around and waves her arms for a response]

Alex: Oh,

Alex and Nick: [Together] Hi Amy.

Amy: Ooh, that felt good. You go Alex.

Alex: Ah, okay, Hi my name is Alex, and I am an internet addict.

Nick: You know, for alcoholics anonymous we sure seem to be sharing our names a lot.

Amy: Will you shut up already Nick.

Nick: Fine, then it’s my turn huh? Well then, Hi my name is King Leopold the eighth and I am addicted to Sudoku and pretzels.

[The others glare at him]

Nick: What? Can you blame me for using a pseudonym?

Amy: Anyway, moving on, anyone know what comes after that.

[Nick and Alex mumble no]

Nick: Well, we could look it up on the internet. Oh, wait.

Amy: OH, I can’t take it anymore. I need internet now!

Nick: NO! Amy, I have set it before myself as your brother to get you two clean of the internet. No more addiction. I will make sure that you can live without the internet and fight the urge to tweet, twit, facebook, message or meme for more than fifteen minutes. I will-

[As this happens Alex walks to the laptop picks it up and discovers that the internet is back on]

Alex: Internet’s back.

[Amy dashes off stage right]

Nick: Well, I guess that’s that then.

[Nick picks up his Sudoku and sits down on the couch again]

BLACKOUT