Young Writers Society

Setting:

A mansion that you only see one room of. Should be elegantly furnished with a table in the front that the inspector can pull a chair to, so that he can interrogate the suspects. As fancy as possible.

Characters:

Note: All characters should be dressed as similarly to their Clue figures as possible

White: The Maid who discovers Mr. Green is missing

Inspector: Comical character who poorly deducts the solution to this murder. Dressed like Sherlock Holmes with a Magnifying glass and Tweed jacket.

Mustard: Adept Huntsman who enjoys talking about his stories of war and hunting trips. Dressed in a lot of yellow, should have a large belly.

Plum: Graduate of Harvard who is a little skittish and jumpy. Wears a purple suit.

Scarlet: Hollywood actress who is actively trying to seduce the Inspector. Wears a red dress.

Peacock: Wife of a very rich and successful business man. Unfortunately he was unable to attend this party. Wears a long blue dress and a blue feather boa.

Death: Two figures clad in black with masks on. Take the guests to their doom.

(Lights up to see White searching frantically around the scene)

White: Oh dear, where is Mr. Green

(Enter stage right Inspector)

Inspector: He is dead

White: How could you possibly know that?

Inspector: Because Ma’am, I'm an inspector

(Spy Music)

White: What was that?

Inspector: I'm not sure ma’am, but it seems to follow me around. Now Miss...?

White: White.

Inspector: Ms. White would you mind collecting the other guests.

White: Sure thing. HEY, ALL OF YOU GET YOUR SORRY BUTTS IN HERE!!!

(The other guests enter stage left, chattering)

Mustard: What is all the hub-bub about Ms. White, I was busy telling Professor Plum, here about all of the game I killed on my last outing.

Plum: Thank-you.

Scarlet: Yes what is this about, and who is this man

Inspector: No need to fear ma’am, I'm from the Police force, I'm here to resolve your issue.

Peacock: What exactly is our issue?

Scarlet: Who cares Peacock, I've always loved a man in uniform.

Inspector: Ladies, ladies, please. Everyone, if you could just line up, we can get started.

Peacock: What seems to be the problem inspector? Everything seems alright to me.

Plum: Wait, where is Mr. Green?

Inspector: Mr. Green, has been murdered!

(Thunder and lightning, the guests begin to freak out)

Inspector: Ms. White, if you will.

White: EVERYONE, THE INSPECTOR WANTS TO TALK.

(Guests line up)

Inspector: Thank you. First of all, where is the Butler. I must speak to him.

Ms. White: There is no Butler.

Inspector: Darn it, it’s always the Butler. Very well then, if there is no Butler then I must interrogate each of you, one by one. Until I know who it is, you are all suspects. Now, I will use a highly scientific method which I learned at the Scotland Yard to pick who to interrogate first. Eenie-Meenie-Minie-Moe (picks Plum) You sir, come over here. Everyone else, if you could just leave the room for a minute, I will surely soon know the murderer, just don’t die until then.

(Everyone exits stage left, and Plum sits down at a table as he begins)

Inspector: Now, Mister......?

Plum: Plum. Professor, actually, I have a degree from Harvard and-

Inspector: Don’t care. Now Mr. Plum, where were you about, oh, five minutes ago.

Plum: Um.... here.

Inspector: Ah-ha, so you have no alibi then!

Plum: All of the other guests were here as well.

Inspector: Oh, now you’re being defensive, why don’t you just admit it to me Plum. That it was you. You killed Green!

Plum: And how do you know that.

Inspector: Because sir, I’m an inspector.

(Spy Music)

Plum: What on Earth was that?

Inspector: I might want to see someone about that. Anyway, let’s get everyone back in here. Hey, I have solved this mystery, everyone, chop chop.

(Everyone lines up again)

Inspector: Step forward Plum, everyone knows it was you.

Plum: But it wasn’t.

Peacock: Inspector, are you sure.

Inspector: Yes, I am positive. Now, if you will just step this way, scoundrel.

(Death enters stage left)

Inspector: AH! It’s death.

Mustard: What on Earth are you talking about?

Inspector: Those two, they are about to take another one of us to the other side! Everyone, step aside, get away from that murderer.

(Everyone hides, except for Plum, Death runs on, links arms with Plum and runs off stage right)

White: They took Plum!

Inspector: Well, I guess, he was just.... Plum out of luck!

(Rim-shot)

Peacock: That isn’t funny.

Inspector: SILENCE, if I am to help all of you, all of my jokes are funny! Anyway, it seems that I was incorrect with my first guess, so, back to the murderer. Time to interrogate another suspect. You there, in the blue, your name?

Peacock: I am Ms. Peacock.

Inspector: Now, Peacock, if you will just sit down, and everyone else, go cross some things off your bucket list.

(Peacock sits down, everyone else exits stage left)

Inspector: So, Ms. Peacock, who was in the room with you when Mr. Green was killed.

Peacock: Well, I don’t know, when exactly was Mr. Green killed.

Inspector: Oh, hmmm, that is a good question... Moving on, um, do you have any notions as to who killed Mr. Green.

Peacock: Well, no, not really. Oh, poor Mr. Green.

Inspector: Well, you know what they say. It isn’t easy being Green.

(Rim-shot)

Peacock: That wasn’t funny either.

Inspector: Fine, well, can you think of any motivation that could lead someone to kill this man.

Peacock: Well, Mr. Green was very rich. Someone may have been jealous.

Inspector: Well I know I was GREEN with envy.

(Rim-Shot)

Peacock: Seriously, will you ever stop.

Inspector: ENOUGH! I know who it is, everyone come in.

(The rest of the guests enter)

Inspector: It’s her, Ms. Peacock, only a complete beast wouldn’t think my jokes are funny. Hold her down while I-

(Death enters stage right on and grabs her)

Inspector: Oh, well then, I guess it’s down to you three. Hm.... this will take every ounce of my inspecting strength. ENH! GAH! HOO! You! You there, with the potbelly and the yellow get-up. Sit down, the rest of you leave, don’t kill each other, then again, it would make my job easier.

(Mustard sits down, rest exit stage left)

Inspector: So, Colonel (Pronounces Call-oh-nell)-

Mustard: Colonel.

Inspector: That’s what I said. So, Colonel (Prounced wrong again)

Mustard: It’s Colonel, you imbecile.

Inspector: Wow, a few wars and you just go insane, huh? Is that why you killed Mr. Green? Hm? Insanity?

Mustard: I am not insane and I didn’t kill Mr. Green.

Inspector: Oh really, HOW MANY FINGERS AM I HOLDING UP!

(Holds up 5 fingers)

Mustard: I really don’t see.

Inspector: COUNT THEM!

Mustard: What?

Inspector: COUNT THE FINGERS!

Mustard: Four fingers and a thumb.

Inspector: AH-HA! Only a crazy man wouldn’t think that the thumb is a finger, EVERYONE! COME BACK IN! I GOT IT.

Mustard: This is preposterous, you can’t accuse me of murder just because I don’t think the thumb is a finger! It’s anatomically different!

(The rest of the guests enter and Mustard stands up. Scarlet has a drink)

Inspector: Now everyone, I will take this man down to the police station, and you two can enjoy the rest of your party.

Mustard: It wasn’t me.

(Death enters stage left and takes Mustard off stage right)

Inspector: Darn, 0 for 3. Anyway, who’s next.

Scarlet: I think that it’s my turn, Inspector.

Inspector: Very good, Ms. White, if you would.

White: Of course.

(White exits stage left)

(Scarlet and Inspector sit down)

Inspector: So, Ms. Scarlet is it?

Scarlet: Please, call me Charlotte.

Inspector: Charlotte Scarlet?

Scarlet: That’s right.

Inspector: Well then, Charlotte, who do you think-

Scarlet: Oh please Inspector, can forget the crime for just a minute.

(Scarlet stands up and goes over to the inspector)

Scarlet: Can’t we just spend a little time together, get to know each other.

Inspector: Um, I am sorry Miss, but this trip must remain completely professional.

Scarlet: Oh come on now, can’t take just a little break.

Inspector: Charlotte please.

Scarlet: Oh, all right then, it was White, she wasn’t there when Green went missing it was her.

Inspector: Are you sure? She seemed genuinely concerned when she was looking for him. It just doesn’t make sense.

Scarlet: I am positive. Go ahead then, take her away.

Inspector: Fine then. Ms. White, could you come here please.

White: (Offstage) On my way.

(White enters stage left)

White: What is it inspect-

(Death runs on from stage right and takes White)

Inspector: Oh, well, that is just not good at all. Well Scarlet, it seems that it has been you the whole time, now if you will just turn around and-

(Death enters stage left and taps Inspector on the shoulder)

(Inspector sighs)

(Death leads the inspector off stage left)

(Scarlet sits down and takes a sip of a drink and laughs)

BLACKOUT