Published March 13, 2006
Clean Room Blues
i am all alone
I sigh'
clean rooms stink!
i have no hiding places
and it feels like
its someone Else's room not mine
superficial
fake
hotel room
i can't find anything
lost
a place for everything
forsaken
everything is in it's place
drearily clean
more confusing than everything out of it's
nonexistent place
neat tidy
predictable
i guess i am at heart a pig
destined to wallow in mud
I can see my floor
And I hate it
This is an experiment but not the type your thinking of.
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141,399 Literary Works • 674,390 Reviews
it sounds like rant to me, and the flow, if there was ment to be any, kind of put me off. i didnt feel anything whilst reading it unfortunatly, if that was your goal.
but, i read it towards the end. good try, keep up the work.
I think it's being overanalyzed. I think it's just a fun sorta silly poem. You can't look deeply into a silly poem. You just can't. Great job though! Seriously made sense to me. My room is never clean and it doesn;t bother me one bit.
Many odd pauses, which prevented a clear flow. But a very original topic!
ummm. well, there is no rhythm. or if there is, i have to read it really...oddly. if that's correct grammar, which i doubt...
not very poetic.
it's someone else's room, not mine
this is repetitive.
either:
i guess i am, at heart, a pig
OR
i guess at heart i am a pig
either way, "pig" isn't very...suited to this poem. well, i suppose it is but...it's rough.
this ending isn't very definite or capturing.
just work on it! =/
i know how you feel this is like what happens in my room