z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Singularity, Ch. 2: On Still Moments

by zeldalex


To My Dearest Sister Lady Prelley…

The letter was not off to a good start.

We hope that all is well on the northern front, for all is well at home. It was pleasing to receive your letter a few days ago: mother and father were happy to hear that you were safe (or perhaps unharmed is a better word? One must never become to comfortable, I hear). They have been somewhat concerned over you as of late, with matters the way they are up your way, but I have assured them that there is no danger. Of course, we are safe as well, and we hope that you could spare some time to perhaps come home for a week this winter–

She began to tear the letter, just at its middle. The crack of parchment broke her out of her stupor, and she sighed, letting it go as she did. Then, with the sort of grace that was hard-pressed to find nowadays, she began to smooth it out, tracing her sister’s words as she did. Like little sewing-needle pricks; that’s what they felt like.

It wasn’t so much the language, she thought as she folded the letter into thirds. More like she could feel how her sister, Reese, had written them–with her sharp-tipped quill that she had gotten on her birthday, probably spending hours making each word and syllable perfectly printed. How she had chosen, at the top, to write Lady and not Colonel.

Reese was her senior by six years. By all rights, she should have been the one in her position. She remembered her sister wearing the military acadamy uniform when she was thirteen, its sharp lines complimenting her soft features. How she had smiled at her reflection in the mirror, reaching out to touch it.

But apparentally that hadn’t been Reese’s fate in life, she thought as she put the letter in the small case next to her bedding. She hadn’t had quite the right temperment for military life, especially not after her injury. So Alicia had been the one to take her place, and with it, her future.

Alicia adjusted the cap on top of her head, shielding her short-haired scalp from the elements, and displaying her insignia. Just below General, and with a good shot of getting it someday if other people’s lives didn’t work out as well as hers had. Straightening out the crisp figure of her overcoat, she walked out of her tent and into the cool not-quite-dawn. Still dim, almost dark, only the faintest of changes had happened in the sky, deep blue turning just a few shades softer.

The sound of military boots hitting packed-down dirt came from her left (a familiar sound, one that she had learned by heart over the last few years). She didn’t quite turn: rather, she leaned her head slightly and flicked her eyes over.

“Colonel Prelley,” she heard. It was a familiar voice: that of Colonel Bartholomew, her fellow leader of this division of the Fourth Army of Kobotia. Together, they led a little over six thousand infantrymen and a handful of warmages, and neither of them had wanted to be assigned to this place. They had wanted a cavalry division (but, everyone had wanted a cavalry division).

Alicia gave a sort of lazy smile to him before matching his salute. A few years his elder, it was generally agreed upon that he would salute first, but it wasn’t really a hard and fast rule. Each morning, they had a few moments together outside of their tents before they had to give out their first command for the day, and they treasured them. Back when they had been a bit closer to the capital, shipments of coffee from Sumsa and Ignidur would sometimes reach them, a pricy luxury that Sebastian would occasionally spend some money on. They’d share it, Alicia paying him back for each cup she had, and they would wait for the bugler to play first call.

Of course, as they had gotten closer to Amaris (and eventually pushed up against its border) those shipment thinned out until they disappeared all together. Sebastian had been snappy for a few days afterwards too, and Alicia herself found that she stumbled a bit more in the morning. They were lucky no one had caught onto their reliance on the drink.

Still, they watched as some of the people on the night watch began to head down from the hastily set up watch towers, trying to catch some sleep before they would march northwards. If everything went as planned, they’d start their march further north towards General Wilrice at 900 hours. It couldn’t be much past 500 now, so Alicia said nothing as those unlucky people shuffled back towards their shelters. She wouldn’t begrudge them the sleep.

As they looked on, first call played. Sebastian winced–a habit he’d never outgrown. They’d been in the same company since they were Lieutenants, never trying to one-up one another but always keeping a careful eye on the other’s progress. It was certainly good for Alicia that they got along–sure, the man was amicable, but the sort of amicable that made someone think that it was a good thing he was on your side.

They watched the sun rise in relative quiet, Sebastian whistling the tune to some folk song as Alicia leaned on the side of a post. As the first rays began to sprawl across the lowgrounds of the eastern plains, the two Colonels stood in the shadow of their watch towers. Slowly, the sun rose high enough that the light shone molten gold in their eyes.

He turned towards her, partially to avoid blindness. “So, you got a letter last night,” he said, probably having seen the messenger. “From headquarters, or was it personal?”

A few years earlier she probably would have evaded the question, if not outright telling him that it wasn’t any of his business (and at the same time comfirming it was personal). But now, Alicia found herself trusting the man beside her, at least with this. Certainly more than she trusted the letter’s sender.

“It was from my sister,” she responded, squinting at the horizon and watching the light bloom across her field of vision. “Checking up on me, that’s all. Telling me how my folks are, that kind of thing.” She did neglect to mention the slight tear in it, or the slight edge to it that made her more than a little wary of writing back.

“That’s nice,” Sebastian said, with nice being the sort of bland word that one would use to describe something vaguely positive, like finding a few extra coins in your pocket. “Makes me sort of wish I had siblings.”

Many of their soldiers had started to work on taking down their tents. Those that hadn’t begun to do so had other duties to attend to, rushing about the camp with a sort of orderly urgency that she’d never seen anywhere else. The routine that somehow managed to persist in war. Alicia watched them before settling on not responding.

“We’d best get started ourselves,” she said, with an air of finality. If Sebastian had any disagreements, he didn’t choose to voice them. 


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386 Reviews


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Reviews: 386

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Sun Feb 24, 2019 10:28 pm
Dossereana wrote a review...



Hi @zeldalex I am here to do a quick review on you work.

What needs a bit of work

To My Dearest Sister Lady Prelley

The letter was not off to a good start.

We hope that all is well on the northern front, for all is well at home. It was pleasing to receive your letter a few days ago: mother and father were happy to hear that you were safe (or perhaps unharmed is a better word? One must never become to comfortable, I hear). They have been somewhat concerned over you as of late, with matters the way they are up your way, but I have assured them that there is no danger. Of course, we are safe as well, and we hope that you could spare some time to perhaps come home for a week this winter–
okay the dots in bold at the beginning I am not shore why they are there? I really feel like this is a weird way to start a chapter, I find that if you have not read the first chapter then you will be confused, i did not read the first chapter for it was rated 12 so I have a good understanding of what the other people mite be feeling if they have not read first for the same reason, its not really good to put the first chapter rated 12 for that means that in this one people don't no if they should read it for they don't no what is going on. I have learnt that even people that are adults don't read that like a moderator called alliyah she is not very happy reading those kind of works, so it can put people of before its even started.

So this is all that I can say about this, if I came across as not being nice and just very harsh, I am so very sorry pleas for give me, So keep up the grate work here.

@EagleFly out to Seek and Kill

Happy Review Day




zeldalex says...


Hi EagleFly! I appreciate you stopping by.

The dots at the beginning are a little strange, and since that's the second comment I got about that it's definitely a mistake on my part, haha. I am sorry that the 12 alienated you (and some other readers) but I figured that it was better safe then sorry. I am also sorry to say that the rest of this story will probably be firmly in the 12 zone :( Not for language, but for the fact that this story takes place during war time and...well, bad things happen to good people and all that. Still, I really appreciate your review on this part. Also, no worries about your tone: critical feedback is nice to receive too! Happy writing!



Dossereana says...


Thanks for explaining the things I said in the review it gives me a good understanding, and your welcome.



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Sat Feb 23, 2019 3:19 am
Honora wrote a review...



Hey Alex! I'm back again for another review!
I am glad to say that this chapter is just as interesting as the last. Most of your writing is very well done except for a few spots that I am going to point out...
1) 'To My Dearest Sister Lady Prelley…' This threw me a little bit...if her sister, Reese is trying charm her into a visit, wouldn't you think that she would use her name, Alicia? I wouldn't change the Lady because you stated that as Reese's sly jab at her position but maybe consider making her address her sister by her name.
2) 'Straightening out the crisp figure of her overcoat, she walked out of her tent and into the cool not-quite-dawn.' Everything was fine here except the not-quite-dawn spot. It is missing something to make it easy to understand and read...maybe add morning to the end.
3) “That’s nice,” Sebastian said, with nice being the sort of bland word that one would use to describe something vaguely positive, like finding a few extra coins in your pocket. “Makes me sort of wish I had siblings.” This sentence confused me. I got the gist of what you were saying but I had to reread it a couple times to understand. I would rephrase that somehow.

Those are the only ones I noticed so good work! :)




zeldalex says...


Hey Honora! Whoops, I could have sworn I wrote a reply to this, but here I am, a little late.

Thank you for the review! Also, yeah it's a little stiff at the beginning. Some of the stuff in this chapter I edited last minute, but didn't really put anything equivalent in its place (which is what happened in 2 as well) so it's a little clunky at parts. Sebastian's sentence suffers from this as well (ah my run on sentences, how I love thee). Still, I'm glad you thought that it was good! Thanks again!



Honora says...


No problem! I look forward to reading more :D




Man is by nature a political animal.
— Aristotle