Young Writers Society

Ooooh! I like the last line! Reminds me of Macbeth, with the "Out damn spot!" bit. Love it!
Heheheh... Sorry about that. I like Shakespeare.
Soooo I'm not really good at understanding poetry, so if I get this wrong, my bad. There were parts that I didn't really get, but then there were ones where it made a lot of sense to me, so... I liked it. My favourite lines were "This is not a city but a keep
And sometimes you have to build walls." and the other one I already mentioned
Anywho, caught my eye. I liked it!

I like this, it has a postmodern feel to it, it's very contemporary in its style.
A couple of things I'll suggest - you have two examples of white things in the first stanza, this is just a little awkward for me. It may be deliberate but I'd perhaps think of a different way of describing the paper. I don't think you need to mention the paper's colour at all, actually. 'on precious, rare paper' says all you need by itself.

Other than that, I'd just take a look at some of the punctuation and consider scrapping a few of the capital letters, you don't need a lot of them, and I think the presentation of the poem will benefit if you change it around a bit.

Thanks so much for your advice, both of you! ^_^ You bth bring up really good points.

The only real problem I had was between the first and second stanzas, it was kind of like reading two different poems (don't get me wrong the two poems connected!) but I kind of enjoyed the second stanza more than the first.

I like the imagery and I like the feeling BUT it seems to chunky... something that they would would make you read and annotate in class where the teacher has gone insane and is choosing poetry at random.

im really happy that you had the nerve to post something! I hate when people are all "this sucks! Im going to delete it before anyone lays eyes on my work!"

NOW TO THE POEM

I like the imagery and I like the feeling BUT it seems to chunky... something that they would would make you read and annotate in class where the teacher has gone insane and is choosing poetry at random.

Okay, so i'm kind of in the same boat with you (not much of a poetry person) but I can appreciate poetry. I'm not a grammar person either, so I won't be looking for grammar mistakes. I'll just say that I enjoyed your poem thoroughly. This might not make too much sense, but I got the feeling that it was your voice that was speaking, like you were writing your own way and that made it sound all the better. The only real problem I had was between the first and second stanzas, it was kind of like reading two different poems (don't get me wrong the two poems connected!) but I kind of enjoyed the second stanza more than the first.
Like I said i'm not a poetry person, so maybe my review was way off. Just know that all in all I enjoyed it and (if you can get tips from a worthy person) you should definitely continue working with poetry.