The Warrior of Troy

Sup

I have a couple of points. Number 1, I love poems like this, about warriors fighting for their countries and dying in the line of battle. It's noble. Reading about it always makes me feel good because it reminds me that there are actual people who are out on the front lines protecting us.

Number 2, the stabbed in the back thing isn't my style. If he's a warrior, he most likely would like to have his enemy have a fair shot to kill him.

Number 3, I've was the weakest of men to his daughter'. This is why I don't like poetry, it leaves so much of the story untold. I don't like for men to be hated in the eyes of their children but it seems unavoidable when you're gone fighting all the time.

Great poem I enjoyed it.

Emerald here for a "rushed" review, sorry if its crap o_o

I though this poem was interesting and I find the size of it to be perfect, lots of poems I've seen are long and I get bored of them half way through and stop reading it. I also don't have any nitpicks! YAY!

Well, that wraps my review up hope to see more from you!

Rating: 8.9/10
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the poem created a story like atmosphere and i recommend your brief and precise description. the literal sense is not too rich but portraying hard emotions though easy words is a hard task indeed, and i find you mastering that.
howsoever i would like to suggest a few changes which according to me would make this poem even better-
perhaps you change the 'father" to fighter in the second last line, as i feel it will through a better contrast. moreover why should a worrier be remembered as a father by the country, they only admire his work not his personal life. however if you have set that on the basis of any deeper thought i would like to know that.
nest you would better omit the word "died" , it rings in the ear and makes the poem too frank, you could use some suitable phrase like- " returned without life", or "ended at his tomb"
rest of the poem is great and keep writing . you have the potential and make use of it to write even better...

Hello!
I've always loved the story of troy, and I like that you've written a poem based on it.

This poem wasn't very strong, though. I think most of it is forced rhyme combined with a lack of rhythm. The way you wrote it made the poem sound like it should have regular rhythm, but it doesn't. In some places, it's really actually very awkward. Also, your rhymes are forced. And while I like the sing-songy feel they bring to the poem, you have to make them not feel as forced. It sounds like half of these lines you just included for the sake of rhyming.

Also, I don't feel the tragedy of this. I don't really feel any emotions at all, and that's a shame. Just because the girl was "wracked with great sorrow" doesn't mean that I am. I think this would be greatly improved if you made it more emotional-- but not cliche-ly so.

A lot of the lines feel really awkward to me, and don't sound like anything anyone would say naturally.

I still like the story though, and I really like the ending. The last line was pretty great. ^^
Let me know if you have any questions! Keep writing!

Hello CapitalMonday here for a review. I like to begin on how I have been learning about the Troy in my history class, and to find a poem based off it is amazing. Also how this kinds reminds me of the story The Lady or The Tiger in a sense since it gives clues along the way as to what came out of the steel door. Anyway, rambling on...

Nitpicks I have seen:

As tomorrow bled into tomorrow This stanza confused me since how could tomorrow blend in with tomorrow? Maybe saying yesterday blending in with tomorrow or something as similar to that.

In the horse was he hidden I feel like this stanza is mis-worded since i think this is used in past tense (?). Maybe rephrase it to In the horse, where he was hidden or something like that.

his enemy not aware that they would be bitten This confuses me a bit since i think this means that they are not aware that the horse in coming, but is still a little misread (to me) and could be cleared up.

Overall I think that the father in this poem is the hero since he went and got killed by help save the Greeks from the Trojans (i believe) and how at the end you make the reader wonder; was he a hero or was he the weak link?

Farewell,
CapitalMonday