A grain of sand in a million
A droplet of water in a billion
Crashing, crashing against the rocks
Crashing, crashing through the docks
One day he would reach land and it would end
He had dreams to chase, dreams to bend
They told him he couldn’t achieve
He bit his lip and told himself to leave
He wished he could fly
Far, far, as far as the sky
For his eye was trained to the above
To somewhere where there was love
He fought and fought and pushed and pushed
He flew and fell into the bush
He flew and fell in the auburn sky
Until they could no longer say good-bye
This is the story of the little droplet who dreamed
And when he achieved he laughed and beamed
They told him dreams were meant to die
Dreams--dreams--his flew higher than the sky
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
Hey dude
This is pretty cool. I like the lithe twitch you feel from this boy, the way he's never setting and wanting to go, move, fly far away. Dreams are a fickle thing and differ vastly, but we all have at least one large dream that people tell us to give up on.
Like the draco constellation that is circumpolar, our dreams our always changing, fleeting, morphing. But there's always the one big dream we never forget and always hang onto until our nails break off. And if by the gods we do achieve that dream and finally get what we want, well, that would be day.
The rhyme scheme in poems is vastly overused and quite a bore but in your poem it's actually refreshing and pleasant. Really good stuff, yo. Keep on keepin' on.
Dreams are absolutely amazing, and you portrayed that brilliantly with lines like the last line, dreams--dreams--his flew higher than the sky, and a droplet of water in a billion.
Your rhyming technique wasn't exhausted and the poem flowed well as I read it. You've really captured the wonders of dreams in this poem, I have nothing else to say except keep writing!
this poem is a wonderful work and i am glad that i got the scope to review it.
this gives very few grounds of criticism however i would like to throw light on a few points-
first of all the word "atom" in the 2nd line would better suit as drop- as you see water is not actually counted as atoms- furthermore it is a molecule though chemistry do not count much in poetry.
next, i realize here that you are speaking about the the dream of a child or a common man with ambition, but you could have used love other expression than atom- work on that part and i am sure you will find something suiting
and finally the title of the poem do not really admire your work, use the word dream in some twisted way as a phrase or in hidden form to make it look interesting. personally i have written many works named dream so it feels quite monotonous and often people overlook it.
you have good potential given your age and i am looking forward to read many more of your works-
keep writing...
Thank you Rituparna! (Especially your thing about the atom!)
Hello CapitalMonday here to review. I like to begin on how this story is very epic since at the beginning this guy is dreaming about ending his life (I believe) and how there is end rhyming going on throughout this poem as to make it smooth and the tone/message is that you should never stop believing in your dreams since they can take flight.
Nitpick(s) that i see in this poem:
...he beamed and beamed I feel like you could put another word in there that is the same meaning of beamed since if you use this word twice, it doesn't flow as well as it would.
Overall, this poem gives a great meaning suggesting that when you leave life to the fullest, your dreams could sore to most anywhere. Also I would think that people could relate since we all had dreams in life and how we can do anything to accomplish that dream, with some help from families or friends.
Keep writing and Farewell,
CapitalMonday
Thank you CapitalMonday! I will certainly take what you said into consideration.
Very beautiful. I really loved it. Dreams are such beautiful things. Everybody has a dream and they should never let go of their dreams. I loved the parts of crashing and far. It really adds something to this. You did an awesome job.
. Try not to put ' And' in the beginning, okay? You did good. Have a great day!
Hope.
Thank you Hope!