Scars

Part 1

I lay in my room, thinking about what I had just done. We all make mistakes, I tell myself. But this, this is one I can’t change. I sit on my bed, the creaky mattress gasping for air. Which is funny, because I kind of wish I was without it. My Michael Jackson posters give me a dead pan full of disappointment, as they continuously peel from the decaying paint. The calendar on my wall marks May 12, 1978, and its pages are folded and crinkled. The basketball shorts on my floor have stayed there since then, something I would have normally cleaned up as soon as I entered my room. I feel the rough stubble on my cheeks as I bury my face in my hands, elbows resting on my knees. Tears trickle down my face and onto the floorboards, the planks struggling to stay strong and hold the extra burden I carry with me. As I turn to my window, a new realization has just occurred to me. I’ve always seen birds fly, yet that bird could be flying away from danger, or trying to scavenge for food, hoping it’s enough to feed its chicks. My thoughts come to a sudden halt as I turn to my right hand, filled with callouses and unidentified marks. Yet that wasn’t the reason for my disruption. Pain erupts from my hand; and my scar throbs even more unpleasantly than before. I ignore it, as it’s been hurting quite often lately. More often when Keys came into the picture -- Veronica Keys.

***

One Day Earlier

“And now, to conclude this award ceremony, the last scholarship will be awarded to the following for his determination and commitment to his academics and sports,” Mrs. Takoon announced to the crowded gym, her voice bouncing off the brick walls and into my ears.

I needed this.

“And now,” she paused, “this half-ride scholarship goes to Jace Thompson. Congratulations on your effort and dedication.”

I had felt my face going pale, not as white as a ghost, but white enough to match the cream floors of this school, Normane Brook High. My life was over. Everything I had worked so hard for had gone straight down the toilet.

“Creep! You have to get your stupid scholarship, and if you're not, this graduation will never end,” a girl said irritatingly, and with a hint of jealousy along with it.

This wasn’t any dame though, this was Veronica Keys, the absolute queen of this grade and the coolest person I know of, besides Michael Jackson of course.

“Yes, ma’am,” I blurted out as Veronica let out a chuckle.

What was I even thinking? “Ma’am”, why did I say that? Especially to a girl a year older than me! She returned a smug look at me as I stood up. The crowd applauded as I walked forward to the announcer, who was holding an envelope, which held my future. I let out a big sigh.

This scholarship determined a whole bunch of things. Most importantly, my life. My family could never afford to pay for college. My family can barely afford a meal on the table! Or even a table. That was my dream for a couple of years. And like that one, this was another one squashed.

I needed this scholarship to pay for my full tuition at college, not half!

Before I knew it, I was outside the gym and inside a classroom labeled, “MATHEMATICS: Ms. Marcus,” which was all bright and fun inside. I on the other hand felt dark and gloomy.

That's when my scar throbbed once again for the first time in seven years. It was like a dormant volcano suddenly erupting and ruining an entire civilization that people had worked so hard on. Its sharp pain brought my leg up abruptly, kneeing the desk. A loud thud could be heard outside the hall. Pain struck me as footsteps approached Ms. Marcus’ classroom.

“What are you doing here?” a familiar rigid and cold voice asked, yet that time, with a bit of softness in it.

“Oh, nothing interesting. Just sulking,” I laughed weakly, surprised by the girl’s curiosity. Why is she talking to me? Oh my god! Veronica Keys is talking to me!

“You know what always helps me?” Veronica asks.

I didn’t reply. I knew what she was about to say, yet her response made the tiny hairs on my back stick up.

“Smoking. Trust me, it helps,” she said, in a comforting and soft tone, enough to make me consider it. “Do you want one?”

Her words soaked into me and relaxed my tense body. It would be a way for me to escape life, just this once.

But I couldn’t -- ever. It would ruin my health and my life. I knew its consequences. I couldn’t say yes.

But my life is already over.

“Yes, please,” I said with a defeated tone.

My heart was pounding out of my chest. I know, I know. This is bad, but honestly… I didn’t care anymore. I had no chance at college or anything. I was just the same broke person that existed 30 minutes ago, a nightmare in my dreams that came true.

We snuck out of the graduation and sat down at the side of the school. She took out two cigarettes and passed one to me. Looking around, I realized how beautiful the scenery looked with the sun setting, and the moon peeking out. The silence was nice too, and not just outside. My mind was silent. Maybe I didn’t know how to respond, but I liked it.

It was now so dark outside that I could barely see the smoke I puffed, only her eyes, a pretty black, that glistened from the dimming light that hung above us. It matched the color of the sky, and my heart, which was hurt and in pain.

The silence between us snapped, and I gave in to the sudden thoughts that popped into my head.

“I was wondering…why did you care enough to even talk to me? I mean we barely talk and I don't know,” I said as I scratched my head, “to be honest… I would have never thought you would have ever cared to help me out, no offense.”

“I have a feeling you and I are similar,” Veronica said with a dangerous smirk on her face.

Similar? What was she talking about?

Veronica responded, “I get why you’re confused. But I know how much a full scholarship means to you. I’ve kinda been watching you, and not like a creep. I was just curious how you were going to take a handle on everything cause I gave up, knowing college was the last thing my parents could afford. I kinda wished I tried a bit more; I let myself fall off like a dope. I even had to repeat 12th grade again. I give you props though, you held your own and really tried. You know, I understand what you're going through with all the money problems and how it all sucks. Oh my god does it suck! All your hopes and dreams being taken away from you and you can’t do anything about it. It’s like a dog chasing their tail; it's always out of reach.”

“Yeah,” my brain was still processing all of the things she said, astonished by our common background. “I tried so hard, and I even made a small business and everything. I worked so much, day and night. I put my academics first and balanced my life out with the business, which made little money anyway, sports, and my life at home. But I guess it doesn’t matter now. I’ll be strong-armed into working as a sanitation worker, just like my dad,” I chuckled, the laugh making the knot in my throat tighten.

A tear managed to escape and make its way down my face and shatter the floor. I didn’t even care that she saw me tearing up because she ended up doing so as well.

Veronica replied, “I give up. I’ll keep doing that. I’m nothing but a two-bit student who’s basically ruined her future. I might as well say I’m homeless, I have nowhere to go, and nothing to look forward to, but this sucky school. I’m just wandering around. Speaking of wandering around, did you know this school has an underground safe? I saw it after skipping class, and it was massive!”

She chuckled and I soon returned with a smile.

***

Part 2

“You know what would be a bit funny?” I told Keys as I inhaled another puff of smoke. “If we were to break into the school, we could probably pull off sneaking in and stealing from this place.”

My mind exploded with thoughts as soon as the words came out of my mouth. The cigarette was definitely getting to me, I told myself repeatedly. I made out Veronica’s expression shifting from a sullen to a somewhat serious look as the light above us started to flicker and grew brighter.

“No, stop thinking,” I said to her. “No,” I said once again, really convincing myself.

Silence.

She copied me by taking another puff of her cigarette.

“I was just making a gag with you. We would get caught and thrown into the can!” I exclaimed, a tad nervous about her response.

Once again, silence. It felt like hours before I responded.

“Alright shoot,” I said, trying not to sound interested.

She looked at me and bit her lip.

“What if tomorrow or the day after, we were to get to school early, like when Mrs. Takoon arrived and stole her key card? From there, we could sneak into the basement of the school. I’ve skipped class multiple times and slipped down there. There is a huge underground safe and the only thing keeping it locked is the power, along with keeping the security cameras on.”

“Okay. I mean, if we were to keep going with this idea of yours, we could even try and get Mrs. Takoon to go downstairs and check to see if everything is okay. But before she got upstairs, we would turn off the switch on the electrical panel controlling the security cameras, and try framing Mrs. Takoon going downstairs and assumingly stealing. Well, that’s if we were to continue with this plan, or whatever this is.

“Yes!” Veronica exclaimed, “Mrs. Takoon could then leave the cellar and return to her classroom, which is far away from the basement, so we would have no problem getting in and out, grabbing the loot, and getting out.”

Everything was coming together, like puzzle pieces. The light above us was bright then, which illuminated the dark area around us, and attracted bugs of all kinds…

I added, “And to frame her even further, we could also leave Mrs. Takoon’s key card on the stairs of the basement, for an extra setup. Gloves would be a must in this situation though, because we wouldn’t want to get searched for fingerprints.”

“I’ll have to find some old ones, I don’t have any new ones. Also, along with gloves, we would need our backpacks, to store the money in,” she said.

“I feel like backpacks are a dead giveaway if we were to get caught, how about… garbage bags?” I asked. “I have a lot!”

“I don’t know, what if they break? They are also more cumbersome to hold,” Veronica said with uncertainty in her voice.

“That’s true. Alright, backpacks then,” I said.

And just like that, she had thrown the gaff into me. It was perfect so far! Yes, it needed some little tweaks, but with her knowledge of the school, and my smarts, I knew it could work.

“It would work; I’ll be honest. But we couldn’t. I told you already, we would get thrown in the can,” I had said truthfully.

“That’s if we got caught. Come on, we both need the money. Our lives could be of worth. It would be enough to pay the other half of your college, and you could say your business paid for it. It all catches! This plan is perfect!” Keys exclaimed.

It did make sense. I could be something, and I could help her out. I could get her out of this hole she can’t seem to climb out of, and make a change in both of our lives!

We further discussed the plan and straightened out the details. We went on to talk for an hour or so before we parted ways.

***

The Next Morning

My alarm goes off with a loud and repetitive beeping noise. The clock reads 6:00 am, and the room I lie in is like a nightmare from my dreams, and a constant reminder of the life I have. The plan is officially in action, and I make sure to call Veronica (she gave me her phone number yesterday) and wake her up. I quietly put on clothes in black, and leave a note on my neatly made bed, saying “I have to go to school early today. Love you guys! - Jace.”

Before turning the knob on my door, my scar throbs once again. The sharp pain electrifies my body and makes me tense. It’s funny because before, the pain made me feel weak, yet now I would say numb and tough. I open the creaky, chipped door leading to the bathroom my sister and I share. I brush my teeth, wash my face, and look into the cracked mirror. Another pain erupts from my hand, this time forcing my palm to clench.

This will all go away one day, I say to myself. It will be better for my family, myself, our future, and for Veronica. This mirror will be fixed, and our house will be able to support our weight, and the burdens we carry. Not like I have any...

I kiss my sister on the cheek, and head to the kitchen. I grab a piece of bread and my backpack. A lump forms in the back of my throat, and I think it’s probably the bread. I remember Veronica telling me to wear gloves, so I scramble and look for any gloves wearable. I remember that for Christmas, my sister and I received a brand-new pair of gloves (we shared). I can’t find her glove or mine, so I use my dad’s scuffed-up old ones. They fit perfectly! I quickly run outside and grab my old bike. It’s flat, so it is harder to pedal, but I manage to get to school at exactly 6:30 am, just like Veronica and I planned yesterday.

I see a flock of birds flying in the sky, a realization occurs to me. I’ve always seen birds fly, and I think to myself how it would be amazing to just be free. That’s how I felt on my bike, free. The breeze let me breathe, and break out of this constant pressure I put on myself. It also made the constant throbbing of my scar ease a bit.

Her eyes consume my thoughts now. They show my past. I was hurt, and I could see that she was hurting. I’m hoping this will rekindle her happiness, and mine.

We meet at the school and hide our bikes in the nearby bushes. She pulls out Mrs. Takoon’s key card, the one she had stolen from her classroom yesterday before she and I parted ways and puts it in front of the scanner.

My heart is in my throat now. I could feel its pulse grow within me, needing the scanner to turn green, and not red.

We need this, I fed myself.

“Bzzz!” the scanner lights up green as we quietly enter.

Just as planned, Mrs. Takoon was on the other side of the school and her spare key card.

I follow Veronica to the basement door, and she pulls out the key card once more.

“Bzzz!” the scanner chimes green once again as I turn the cold knob to the left, reigniting pain; the source being the unremovable white mark on my hand.

The unbearable pain makes me slam my hand against a nearby locker, accidentally advancing the next part of our plan.

Veronica gives me a panicked glare.

We didn’t plan it like this! We were supposed to get downstairs first, with no rush. I return the same look with a head signal to head downstairs now.

We speed down the basement stairs, hoping Mrs. Takoon doesn’t hear us. Yet, just as we suspected, hurried footsteps approach the basement door. Veronica runs towards the electrical panel, in the dark, and opens it fast. While we wait for Mrs. Takoon to come down the stairs, I hide behind a nearby pole and stand still.

Silence.

The footsteps coming above had stopped, and so did the silence in my thoughts.

If she doesn’t come down the stairs, the security cameras can’t catch her! We could be caught! And this would all be for nothing. No! Please! Come down the stairs, even for just a second!

My wishes are soon granted, as footsteps, seemingly as loud as an elephant, proceed down the stairs.

Mrs. Takoon, hidden by the shadows, walks around the basement for a bit.

“Hello?” Mrs. Takoon calls out.

I hear nothing but a flick of the electrical switch. We are in action.

After what seemed like hours, Mrs. Takoon finally goes upstairs and we wait until the noise of her footsteps signal that she is distant.

“Ready?” Veronica whispers.

“Yes,” I whisper back.

We make our way towards the safe; being careful not to trip or fall, as that could mess up our plan substantially.

And there it is, the shiny safe right in front of us. Our future will never be the same and for the better.

I take the key card from Veronica and walk towards the scanner.

“Bzzz!” the scanner displays a red color.

It feels like my heart has just dropped, so I try again.

“Bzzz!” the scanner stays red.

No! Please work! As I try again, I realize how dark it was in this basement, and how dark I felt. I didn’t want this for Veronica. I want it for myself. I need it more than her. I’ve been telling myself that this is for us, but this is for me. I don’t really care about her, she already messed up. What if when we split the money…if we do… that’s still not enough to pay for my full years at college? She didn’t even try in high school. She doesn’t deserve this -- I do.

My thoughts drift away as Veronica steals the key card from me, aggressively too. She pushes it against the scanner, and somehow it works.

The cold metal of the safe feels solid against my grip as I turn its handle wheel to the left. When I open it, my worries go away and relief overcomes my body.

I can feel Veronica smiling at me as I run towards the piles of cash stacked on the shelves inside.

Before we knew it, we were upstairs carrying loads of cash in our backpacks and had placed Mrs. Takoon’s key card on the basement stairs.

Upstairs and in the lobby of the school, Veronica and I stand. She looks at me, with her black eyes doing that same glistening thing as before. Yet this time, as I look at it, it’s not my past that I see in her, it’s my future. And I can’t end up like her.

Something boils up inside me, and this urge to do something takes over me. It’s like this bomb inside me is ticking down, yet I want it to explode now.

I always help everyone, heck, I am the definition of nice. 5…4…I’m not that perfect person, but everyone has to cut me some slack. 3…2… And Veronica, she is the one who needs to be punished, not me. I need the money; she doesn’t!

My scar is burning now and the world around me begins to blur. That last tick within me goes by and I feel myself strike Veronica’s head with my backpack as hard as I can.

She falls down, unconscious, and I take the bag from her.

As I stand back up, the rush of adrenaline goes away, and the quick celebration and relief in my head turns to fear. The hairs on my back stand up, as I look down at the body lying in front of me. My hands start to tremble, and I could feel my face going pale. Not as white as a ghost, but white enough to match the cream floors of this school. The one Veronica lays on. The piercing ring in my ears stings, and the sound of footsteps approaching seems to quicken at every step, signaling me to leave her.

I look at my scuffed gloves, with the scar beneath them making me start to tear up in pain, and then glance at Veronica one last time before I leave.

***

Part 3

That same breeze hits me as I start pedaling away from the school, yet this time it feels like knives are stabbing me. This feeling wasn’t the one I was expecting to have, with this pit in my stomach growing larger, and the large rock in my throat not going away. My hands are numb from the cold and the pain, and my brain is silent. Maybe it doesn’t know how to react, yet I wish I did.

I reach my house and climb through the back window, trying to make it seem like I’ve been home this whole time.

Now, I lie in my room, thinking about what I have just done. We all make mistakes, I fed myself. But this is one I can never change. I throw the scuffed gloves underneath my bed and run my fingers through my hair.

The backpacks also lie underneath my bed. They were filled to the brim with cash, yet now I feel like it’s filled with regret. How could I do something like that to a person? And why would I steal money?

Thoughts swirl around in my mind, and the walls around me continue to close in.

“Honey, it’s time to wake up!” my mom yells.

I practically jump out of my bed at the voice coming outside my room.

I quickly, and not smoothly, change back into my pajamas, ruffle my hair, and put the note I had placed on my bed earlier into my pockets.

“Mhmm,” I say with a try-to-be-fake moan as I get underneath the cover of my squeaky bed.

I open my chipped door and enter the kitchen. My mom and sister smile back at me, and my world stops for a minute.

I betrayed my family. If they knew what I had done, those smiles would disappear in an instant.

My dad walks into our tiny kitchen and turns on the radio.

“Good morning family!” Dad says.

The static in the radio vanishes and a man’s voice becomes clear.

“Morning,” my sister and I say as my scar stings once again.

“Breaking news,” the reporter says from the radio, “A New Jersey high school, Normane Brooke High, was robbed earlier this morning. Two suspects were found at the crime scene, and it may have been an inside job, by a teacher! Footage of the teacher was found entering the basement, along with two others, who seemed to be students. The authorities found one of the suspects unconscious at the scene, and it has come to our belief that the other student has stolen all of the money. Both suspects are currently in jail, as of right now, yet authorities are on the lookout for a third. If anyone knows who had stolen the money, or suspects anyone, please report --”

My dad turns off the radio in disbelief. My heart starts racing. We messed up. Now Veronica is caught and I’m close to getting caught. And Veronica can now easily rat me out! Oh no.

“That’s crazy! Who would do such a thing? And then get your partner caught and steal all the money! Unbelievable,” my mom says.

“Yeah,” I say, holding back tears and trying to swallow the knot in my throat.

“But if anyone needed it, it would be us,” my little sister says.

Annoyance and fear fill me. Why would she say something like that?!

“Listen, both of you, no matter the situation we are in, never resort to the bad, because it shoots you right in the foot. Look at Veronica, that dame in Jace’s school. She got into drugs and smoking. That girl is never getting into college,” Dad says.

My stomach churns and I start to feel weak.

“Yeah,” I say.

I know the real reason she isn’t getting into college, and it’s because of me. She’s never getting in because on her record it will say that she went to jail for attempting to steal money from a school. She’s never getting in because I hit her. And she is never getting in because of her family, because just like mine, they will never have enough money to pay for college.

I go back to my room and sit on my bed. I try to call Veronica, but she never answers.

I want to do the right thing and turn myself in, but then this whole plan would be a waste.

Why did I listen to her? Why did I smoke? And why did I hit her?

Questions arise in my head, but they come to a sudden halt, as a realization occurs to me. I need to talk to her one last time.

I dial the operator’s number into the phone that sits beside my bed.

“Hello?” I say into the phone. “I’d like to make a collect call to the Normane Brook correctional facility.”

The dial tone signals that my call is being forwarded.

“Hi. How may I help you?” the receptionist asks with a hint of boredom in it.

“Hanging in there,” I say with a dry laugh. “Can I please speak with the inmate named Veronica Keys?”

“Yes. You have 15 minutes and your call will be monitored,” the receptionist says as he transfers me over.

“Hi,” I say.

“Mhm,” Veronica responds.

“Listen, I’m sorry and I don’t know what came over me,” I say with a crack in my voice and a sharp pain in my hand.

“No. Don’t say sorry. Listen, Jace, I don’t have much going for myself. I don’t deserve this, you do. You have an opportunity, so take it, okay? I won’t say anything, I promise,” Veronica says with confidence.

Yes! I won’t eat it! She let me walk.

It felt like a burden was being lifted off my shoulders.

The line disconnects right before we say our goodbyes.

An overwhelming sense of relief overcomes me, and I exhale a sigh. She was right. I deserve the money, she doesn’t. Maybe it’s for the better that she’s in jail and I’m not. And Mrs. Takoon, the announcer of my supposed fate, is the one who made this whole scheme alive. If she didn’t say “half-ride scholarship,” I wouldn’t be here right now. They both deserve to be in the can.

I look around my room. In a few months, this room of mine can actually look normal. And as for my family, their lives can completely change! With the extra money, I could boost my business and help everyone. Maybe this was meant to be.

After everything, I felt a sense of peace come over me and felt like a million. I guess everything happens for a reason, and even though Veronica and Mrs. Takoon were impacted by my actions, they deserve it. Who cares about them? This is my journey and I have to do whatever it takes to help myself. I have to fend for myself, because, in the end, I will just have my family. And those are the ones I have to help, no matter the cost. No one else. Not Veronica, not Mrs. Takoon, or anyone else. It’s just my family and I.

That’s when I feel the twinge of my scar once again.