Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: OKayy...this is a fun little start. Its not the most unique of situations, but well, this situation is still an effective way to get the attention of readers, and I think you've put a decently unique spin on things and it manages to catch our attention well enough here.
Anyway let's get right to it,
The six magicians looked towards the chair at the head of the semicircle. The large man was sitting partially in the shadows, and all that was seen was his dark green robe, shimmering lightly in the low-lit room. “We need to find this boy,” he continued casually. He spoke in a slow tone, as if he thought over each word a great deal before saying it. “Before it’s too late.”
“Are you sure it’s him, my Lord?” asked a young man hesitantly. He looked away from the man at the head, and was staring intently at the clear bubble, hovering a few feet away. “Are you sure it’s the right person? He doesn’t look like much.”
Oooh, this makes for a pretty intriguing start here. There aren't too many prologue you see that start with dialogue, but of course, this is the type of dialogue you want if you are starting with dialogue. Its not generic, but its not overly specific either, its in that nice sweet spot where you know something big is going down, but its still mysterious here.
The figure that had appeared in the scrying circle was small; he was no older than sixteen years of age. The boy shook his blonde hair out of his face. He was talking to a girl, flirting no doubt.
“You doubt me?” stated the High Lord after a minute. He moved out of the shadows, into the light illuminating from the bubble.
Okay...so that explains the situation a little bit. It is still difficult to tell exactly where it is trying to go there, but either way, things are off to a rather interesting start, with some form of lord person looking out for some kind of unlikely looking hero there. It certainly gets your attention as a reader here.
At once, all of the men avoided their eyes.
The High Lord had grey, pasty skin, and dark hair with a matching beard. Streaks of white were seen in some places. Like the Magicians around him, he wore a circlet upon his head, though his was a shiny gold instead of a dim silver. What was most striking, though, were his eyes; They were constantly changing color. From a blue to a green, to a yellow then a red.
Not the most intimating of descriptions there, but there is a certain creepiness factor to that particular one there, so that does catch your attention as a reader. You can generally tell this guy is bad news for most people.
“Of course not, my Lord.” stuttered the man. He shifted his weight from foot to foot nervously.
“Do any of you doubt me?” The High Lord repeated in a louder tone.
The men shook their heads, a couple vigorously, and a couple slowly.
“I need three of you to find this boy.” said the High Lord, “All of you aren’t needed, of course, for he has not yet discovered his powers. Do I have any volunteers?”
Okay...well from that reaction you can probably judge that this lord person is perhaps prone to murdering his own followers if they show any sort of dissent, that shows a bunch of people that are very scared of their own leader. Definitely rings a few alarm bells there.
No one moved.
“Nobody? Fine. Rook, I want you to go.”
The man who had spoken turned at his name. “Me?’ he asked.
“Yes. And Breshen, you shall go.”
Hmm...I've no idea if this guy is picking people for any particular reason but the two of their initial reactions suggest they are either very surprised by the picks or just don't want to embark on this mission due to them thinking its a silly one. Either way, some interesting questions being asked here.
Another man turned at his name. He had jet-black hair and dark green eyes. A scar made its way from the corner of his left eyebrow down to the side of his mouth. He nodded in acknowledgment.
“And…” the High Lord looked around at the other Magicians sitting around the table, “Rye.”
Rye’s lips twitched. “I’d consider it an honor, my Lord.” he said gratefully, clutching his cane in excitement. His greying hair was pulled back into a ponytail, and his face was wrinkled with age.
“Good.” said the High Lord, “Now this boy should be easy to find. Just Trace him.” He looked at Rye, the most experienced with Tracing. “This boy is known to be residing in- ” The High Lord waved his hand, and the scrying circle zoomed out. “ah, Philadelphia.”
Well...that was a bit of anticlimactic ending there, cause that name ended up sounding a lot more normal than you expect with High lords, superpowers and the kind of names we've got for the people here...I may or may not have laughed at that one cause it just came a bit out of nowhere, but at any rate, I think this is a pretty strong piece here, and its a good ending, there is a nice bit of drama there, its just the name catches you off guard a little.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, not a bad start here. I think you've created a pretty good start here. There's enough mystery to get readers wanting to find out more and I certainly would read more here. Its a solid start.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Points: 254788
Reviews: 4107
Donate