Published December 29, 2010
I'm sorry, I have no idea where this belongs.
Happyness
Fire.
Pain.
No end.
Screams.
Shouts.
Sirens.
Explosions.
Fire. Fire. Fire.
That’s the last thing I see.
Hands pulling at me, poking me.
Something picking me up, putting me down.
Sirens.
Pain, Pain, Pain.
Antiseptic.
Sleep.
Awake, yet the sun doesn’t shine. The room is dark, not even shadows, even though my eyes are open.
Heat from the sun.
Memories.
Pain. And with it, realization.
Sitting in the dark. Prodded, questioned, no answers given.
Eyes open or closed, can’t tell.
Hands. My hands, prodding, touching my face.
Pain.
But I’m happy I can’t see what I’ve become.
Hours. Days. Months. Blending together, becoming one.
My questions are answered.
I’m the only one who survived.
A creature, wagging under my arms.
Happiness radiating from it, her, in waves.
My new eyes, my happy eyes.
Glasses on my face, Happy’s leash in my hands, facing the world of the hospital.
I won’t be staying much longer- yet I have nowhere to go.
Feeling my face, the scars, bumps, ridges.
What I’ve become.
Learning to read, the new way.
Must leave- taken to a new place.
For people like me.
Happy is radiant, but her happiness does not reach me.
No matter what, I will never belong again.
Learning my way around my new home.
Sadness.
Memories.
Loss.
Tears.
Glasses, Happy, and a friend.
A fellow blind one, walking with Life.
Showing me around the town.
I can’t see them, but I feel the eyes and whispers.
Unseen ghosts.
Mockery.
Putting on a brave face.
Tears, where nobody sees.
Walking, with Happy.
A shouted “No!”
A hand, a small one.
A question. “Lady, can I pet your dog?”
My voice is rusty. “Yes.”
A mother, running up, apologizing.
Then I feel it- a smile grows.
“It’s fine.”
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
138,858 Literary Works • 672,347 Reviews
"I honestly almost hit the back button when I read "Happyness". Never a good sign when the title is misspelled. The "y" should be an "i" just so you know.
"
I know- I did that on purpose. That dog is called Happy, and, as you would say about a story, she's the 'plot'.
Sorry, I'm confusing sometimes.
I honestly almost hit the back button when I read "Happyness". Never a good sign when the title is misspelled. The "y" should be an "i" just so you know.
I'm glad I didn't back out from this, though. It was a great story-driven poem. The first stanza was a good hook that might suffer from overuse of repetition and fragmented sentences. After all the effect's potency is relative to how much it is used against full sentences. The rest of the poem was nice but became wonderful and endearing at the ending. I also found that this poem is exceptionally enjoyable when reread compared to other poems on this site.
Thanks for sharing this. If you decide to put it in a contest I hope you fix the title and dedicate it to someone who is blind, unless you are yourself. It will help you if the judges know you're writing from some sort of experience. Good luck!
Hello, I'm Lavvi here to review.
This is really interesting, the way the poem is formed. It doesn't really stick to formal poetry's construction and I like that. Someone's gotta break the rules, right?
I find that this poem is like a narrative, but I'm not sure if you should move this into the Narrative Poetry forum, simply because it is more of an other poem, form and all. Okay, now to the poem itself.
I can really get a feel for the situation of your protagonist by the way you state emotional words like pain, tears, loss et cetera. It's a great emotional poem that really makes the reader feel.
Can't say much else, due to the fact I really liked it
Lavvi