“Maelyn! Hurry up! You’re going to make me late for work!”
My father’s voice echoes through the house. I knew I was late, and I was making him late as well. It was a daily occurrence.
“Dad! I’m trying! Can you wait a second?”
“No! I can’t afford to be late again!”
I let out a sigh. I wasn’t going to win. I throw a random shirt on and pull on some sweatpants. They’re a bit small, but they’ll have to do. I don’t have time to find something better. I grab my cane and make my way downstairs. My dad is standing there, staring at his watch in disdain.
“Took you long enough,” he mutters, not looking up. I sigh, sitting on the floor to put my shoes on. I don’t bother to buckle the straps on my braces. I can do it in the car. I stand up, and brace myself on the wall. Today is not a good day. I can already tell and it’s not even 8:00.
☆*:..｡. .｡.:*☆
My dad basically throws me into the car. I bang my funny bone on the door and wince. He starts the car before I even finish buckling my seatbelt. He doesn’t look at me, doesn’t say anything. He pulls to a stop at the front doors of my high school. I’m barely out of the car when he drives away at full speed. I feel like I should feel bad. But I don’t. I don’t see reason to.
I make it to class seventeen minutes late. My teacher, Mrs. Kingston, glares daggers at me. I ignore her. I make my way to my seat in the back of the room and sit down with a wince. I realize I’ve forgotten to buckle my braces in the car. Shit. The kid next me leans over. I steel myself for whatever he has to throw at me.
“Hey, retardo. This is your sixteenth tardy this month. Loser.”
I flinch at the slur, but don’t react other than that. I’m used to it. I grab my textbooks and my pencils, when the teacher clears her throat.
“I have an announcement! We’ll be getting a new student today! He’s a transfer student from Germany, so be sure to give him a warm welcome and show him how awesome our school can be!”
I’m completely cooked. I have enough people who hate me. And with all the rumors going around, I’m sure to get a bad rep with him immediately.
☆*:..｡. .｡.:*☆
Good grief.
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141,599 Literary Works • 675,119 Reviews
I'm not 100% amazing at writing stories, as I myself am a poet rather than an author but I had this idea and I thought I may fulfill it.
Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the macabre S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - Maelyn wakes up late, takes their cane with them downstairs, their Dad throws them in the car and some kid says a slur. All in all, an awful day, but someone new is coming into the picture!
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - Hmm…right now I have no recommendations, but if you’d like to add more details about the family here, you may.
Chocolate Bar - I like that you write about how Maelyn already feels like it’s going to be a bad day right at the beginning because of how their Dad acted in the morning with them being late. It shows me that they’re used to bad things happening and even expect them to. :<
Closing Graham Cracker - Overall, an intriguing prologue to this story! I have enjoyed reading this and I hope that Maelyn and this German exchange student can form a positive relationship!! Maybe even something more…anyway…
I wish you an amazing day/night! ^v^
I feel like you're on the right track...
hmm...interesting...
Well then let's see what you got for us.
You're not really telling us anything new about your characters in this. You already had really effective dialogue communicating that this character is late and that it makes her dad annoyed. I think you could use this part more effectively with telling us why she's late, or how she feels about being laid again instead of just repeating the information.I like how you weave in the information that our character is disabled or at least currently having to use mobility aids.
Okay it was on defense about him since children being late was a regular current in my household and it was usually my fault (sorry Dad!) but this does it. Marilyn's dad is a jerk and a horrible person I'm so sorry for her .-.
I kind of wish you spend a little bit more time on the drive? Like what she's thinking about or what she's expecting of this day, since she's talking about how this days already going to be horrible? Maybe how long the drive took and how long it felt to her?
Oh no, I physically winced alongside her and really felt that "shit"! Well done!
I think this is a good start to your story and of course I'm curious about the German character hehe
I've felt so awful for our poor main character for how they are treated in the classroom (and in general). I hope you continue this and feel free to ask me questions :3
PS: Fitting that I watched a leftist take on how society treats disabled people just yesterday.
:) its my first story so i'll try to revise some bits!! tyyyy tikaaa
@Tikaya
fine, fine, I bookmarked it XD Today's Review Time is over in favour for "Tikaya answers reviews she got for WoS" (which takes me forever)
But it might be on the chopping block tmr xp
YAYYYY
I read WoS pt 2... ! :)
Excellent. Now you gotta tell me what you think of the Competent Mr Kouji XD (by answering all my incessant questions hahahaha)
(Also, yes, I appreciate you trudging through such a long chapter. I couldn't find a good point to break it up into smaller pieces)
heheeee that's okay its interesting
The questions yuuki the questions xd
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee