At such untimely of times
I was begotten of fragments of memories
Of a distilled future
Creating clouds in my head,
Only for them to drizzle
Leaving puddles for footsteps to trudge on
The most frequent of them all are those with shoesizes no greater than four
My smile, a smoke screen for a fragment of the world to see
Told you that the future was of no importance as is the present
But a barrier can only withstand something for far too long
And I
No longer want to carry that barrier.
-y.a
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hey!!
So, I love the poem in itself as a whole...great job!! This is awesome! I hope you pos on here more often and have a great time here at YWS I know you will be known widely in just a little after your arrival!
But, as sad as I am to say it....I think where you put trudge on..trudge IN may sound a little better. Well, to my ears, anyways!!
Well, thats it, though. I love it!
Great job!!
Keep it up!!
Keep writing!!,
~Tiff
Thank you so much I honestly appreciate it, and do not worry I love all constructive criticism because it helps to improve my writing!
Hi! I'm Dogsrule5. I thought you poem was very good, and interesting!
So anyway, for your first writing I didn't see much nitpicks, which is really, really good! Anyway... Let's get on with it! Now before I get on with it I just want you to know that I am trying to help you, not trying to judge you. I am not trying to be harsh, so don't take this the wrong way. So sorry if I offiend you.
Anyway...
Nitpick #1 When you say...
So you really don't need the comma there. But don't worry, I make that mistake all the time, so no hard feelings.
Alright that's about it of nitpicks.
Now on to the good part of this review!
your grammar, and everything else is fine, no wait... It's great!!!
I really loved this poem, and I hope to read more of your writing! I love it!
Keep up the good writing,
Love,
Dogs
Thank you so much, I'm happy you mentioned that!
Oh it was no trouble. I always love to try and lend a helping hand!
Hello there!
This is awesome, and I hope that you can post more of your work so that we can help you succeed your dreams of becoming a well known author here on YWS.
Everything that I read here is great!
Welcome to YWS! =D
I love this review!
Thank you, I already love every one of you on here already!