Collection of Poetry

Hey it's me here to do some reviewing
And I would just like to say that this is
Is a really good poem and has a lot of
Deep meaning to it and I was thinking
Why didn't you put them all together to
Make one long and good poem that
Everyone would like to read because of
You put them all to gether I would say it
Would make seance because all of them
Go around on certain mood and that was
They were all depressing in all three.

There are some other things that I would
Like to say is that you are a good writer and
You are even better than some I have read
Today. I really liked the part in the poem
When you sayed and they may tangle likewise
Two people Author and Reader, and this to me
Was a really good part that I couldn't stop
Reading and it made me want to read more
Of all three of the poem. Right after I felt like
You were finishing what you started in the last
Poem so that was why I thought you could put
All three together. That is all I have to say right
Now other than it was (all three poems) very very
Well written and both had alot of meaning to it.

There is one last thing I want to say before I go
And that it you need to keep on writing and
You have to tell me when you are writing a new
Poem and or a story.

Your humble servant,
PusheenTheCat

Yungcamus,

This is an interesting collection of poems, and I think that when you post them all together in a singular work there's a nod that there's a common thread within all of them. I loved a few gems among these lines. For example, the first stanza I appreciated how you went so specific in its details, it feels important that the fan is cheap, that the currents are chopped, that the bird is fake. I think with the other poems you begin to lose that precision and that specificity and it begins to generalize and incorporate more and more vague words and less and less grounded ones, I think that is significant too because it's delving into more complex subject matter and it's also switching point of view with each one of its poem, and I wonder why the decision to do that and not write the scene and feelings and mood directly?

"A hard challenge" // "Neighboring twins" // "spectral immensity" These are your noun phrases and these are all super, painfully vague. Even your last stanza, the bouts of seminal matter and the dawning is written in a language that is distant and stripped of all feeling and point of view, to the point we don't know who the speaker is and when that happens, we don't really care too much about the poem.

My trouble with these poems is that I feel it reads too much like a puzzle, like the speaker is providing a portrait with a bunch of missing holes and I am supposed to fill them in or put the pieces together. I think there are moments when the poems seem cryptic, as though information were intentionally left out from the reader as though to give it an air of mystery or complexity. But I think to a reader, that is more often frustrating than not.

Perhaps a more direct approach would work better. Keep your writing grounded in your images, I think those are your strength.

I hope this helps.

~ as always, Audy

Hello!
so first of all, I definitely don't think these all should have been posted in the same work. It's kinda like cheating the reviewers out of three extra reviews. They're all long enough to be their own work (unlike say, I'd understand if this was a haiku collection or something). The poems have nothing to do with each other, so there's no reason they should really be presented together.

So I'm going to give a brief review of all of them instead of my normal in-depth reviews on all of them.

1:
So I'm getting a picture of like, a mobile with a bird on it, hanging over a crib? But then it would be really strange to say "a young man." So is it a fake bird that's attached to a ceiling fan? That's a... rather unique image that not a lot of people would probably get. heck, I don't get why it's in there. What is the purpose of this bird? Why is it important? I do like the line "caked with the hue of yesterday's dirt" because it gives a really concrete image that's unique and has meaning behind it (or at least I can see the meaning). The rest of this poem is mostly eh for me, although it flows pretty well.

2:
I like the alliteration but this phrase "receiving with steady surge" just seems really awkward.
and it's weird that cells like (and have access) to air. "vaporous bits of crisp air." it also seems like you used too many strange adjectives in this.
And the whole last part, the last four lines leaves me slightly uncomfortable (a hairy cell? Ew? cells aren't hairy. Heck, there are cells that make up your hair. if you mean it has a lot of cilia, that is not the same thing as hairy at all) and confused. Where did the man come from? it's really sudden and unexplained and I don't see the significance of it at all.
the rest of this poem is pretty cool I like biology and stuff, but any metaphor or deeper meaning of this poem was completely lost on me.

3:
I like that you're addressing the fact that the reader and the writer could have completely different takes on the same work. Honestly, I don't have much to complain about this. It flowed well and the meaning is clear (at least to me). It brings up some good points.

4:
I really dislike sex poetry, so I'm probably not the one you want to listen to on this. Even just the first line is very distasteful to me. I hate the phrase "sticky fluid" it's disgusting.
The poem after that disgusting phrase is actually okay, if cliche and not really all that meaningful to me.
I'm not a fan of this one at all.


In all, your poems had some awkward phrases that really stuck out like sore thumbs from the otherwise pretty good poetry.

I hope my review helped.
Keep writing.

~fortis

I don't really know how to help you at all with these so I can't give you a review. Also partially helped on by the fact that I don't know much about poems. I do like all of the poems, especially the first two. So good job on writing all of them.