Young Writers Society

Hey Yubbies and Louis,

This is really a review of Louis' review, Yubbies, but feel free to listen in, as it pertains to you too. So, Louis, here is your requested Review-review.

In my opinion Louis, you need to work out what you want to have accomplished after a review. Your review is extremely detailed, focusing on the minutiae of the story rather than discussing ideas.

I'm a big believer in the idea that your reviews should help you even more than the author you are reviewing. At the same time, I believe that your reviews should help the author grow as much as possible, helping them improve their skill as well as their story. Your review helps neither you nor the author grow in your craft.

Aside from that, I disagree with your assessment of the fight scene. Okay, you're right that you wouldn't block a lunge, and that after cutting someone's neck they'd be dead, but you're wrong about what makes a good fight scene. You don't need to specify whether a sword is a rapier or a foil or a sabre or a katana to make the fight scene a good one.

Good fight scenes require a few things:
1) Emotional investment in the characters involved in the fight.
2) Stake. The fight must always make a larger difference in the grander scheme of things. There always needs to be something worth fighting for.
3) Emotional response from the point of view character.
4) Short quick sentences to imply a sense of speed and push the reader forward.

Action verbs also can help convey motion and some quick details to tie the reader to the story can also help make the scene feel alive, but get too bogged down on describing the guns and you end up with a slow ugly descriptive fight scene. Hardly what you want.

My own review would have been a discussion of how to best create and maintain a sense of urgency, and I might have delved into a short discussion of pacing if I had the time. Verbalizing these concepts through discussion enables you to internalize them.

Of course, your review does not need to be like mine. It should however be something that gives the writer something to think about that they can use in their future writing. If you want to mention things like inconsistencies between real sword fighting and the sword fight portrayed in the piece, you can simply tell the writer to do some research. If they need help with that they'll reach out to you, but it's not your job to write their story.

They're the author after all.

Reviews are about food for thought. They are about giving a reader the feedback needed to improve their craft. Of course mentioning inconsistencies is helpful, but there's no reason to waste yours or the writers time dissecting them in gory detail.

Hope this helped,
Yoda

Hey yubbies.

I think this is a good description of a battle fighting scene, it can be quite hard to get an accurate account of everything that goes on in a fight like this, but you've done it well. The description is adequate for the purpose and sets the imagery well.

Now I read A LOT of fantasy and medieval books (Inheritance cycle, Bernard Cornwall etc) and I've read this kind of thing so many times. What I would say for in the future if you plan to do another one of these is to add a twist, do the unexpected, something weird and original. This is a very cliché scene, a kind that are in so many different movies that it's now bog standard.

But that being said it is still a good piece of writing. Just try to mix it up a bit! Location, weapons, context, that kind of thing

-Skyy

Hey yubbies! Ita, or Louis now, here to review!

Firstly, this wasn't bad. There were no grammatical errors as far as I could spot them. And I do love me some good ol' swordfights, so you're in luck!

Alright, so, as I said, this isn't bad, however, it's not as good as it could be due to some lack of detail. I'm also treating this piece as just that, a sword fight, and not a novel in a chapter.

A smile came to my lips as I circled the tall man. A scar ran from his right eye down to his chin. My sword was drawn and I was ready.

He lunged with a fierce roar and tried to stab me. I blocked his strike, ducking behind my shield.

It was my turn to stab at his exposed throat as he again lunged.

He detected the slightest moves in my posture and brought up his sword to block what would have been a fatal blow.

(...) as I leapt forward and thrust my sword towards his left calf (...)

We swung our swords forward and they met in the air with an eerie clang. He shoved me away and thrust his blade forward, towards my neck

He held his sword there, against my neck, slowly adding pressure. His blade slowly pierced my skin, drawing blood

I rapidly raised my arm towards his shoulder, striking it hard

Hello again Yubbies!

I'm guessing you tried your hand at a descriptive piece here. I'd say you did pretty well. While you definitely could've done a better job with your details, you explained enough for me to paint a picture in my my mind.
Although your first paragraph seems a bit mixed up, filled with random sentences. However I think that can easily be fixed.

What you do need to work on, however, is you grammar.
In the second paragraph you say;

Hi Yubbies21!

I like this little story, I really do. It's very descriptive and paints a vivid image in the reader's mind. However, it doesn't over-describe, which is a good thing because it's a battle scene.
Let's begin!

"A smile came to my lips as I circled the tall man. A scar ran from his right eye down to his chin. My sword was drawn and I was ready."

It starts out well, immediately plunging the reader into the story. The description of the man being tall and the garish scar he has gives him a barbaric nature. However, instead of continuing to describe him, it jumps to "My sword was drawn and I was ready." This line is fine, but I feel it would be better to continue describing your opponent and then use this line.

"We were at it, hammer and tongs."

I just like this line.


"Turning away from the bloody scene, I began to cautiously step into the forest, leaving the corpse to the scavengers which began to descend."

The last bit of criticism I have is to expand on the ending. After the man's death it ends rather abruptly. Perhaps you should explain the feelings of savagery that were going through the character at this moment and why it was so important for her to kill this man.

Other than those things, this is a gripping, very well-written piece. Great job and keep writing!

So I'm gonna review.
I think I'll say, most importantly, I was drawn to this piece of work because of the title.
Oh, would you look at that: this was written yesterday.
Well then looks like I'm reviewing something fresh of the printing press. Well not literally off the printing press...
I'm sure you know what I mean.
Anyway I'll stop babbling and review.

You've used very good vocabulary. Vocabulary is important!
The way you wrote it kept me interested, well done there.

Although rather than saying "I sliced through his skin and he howled and writhed in pain"
You could have said: "I sliced through his skin, causing him to howl and writhe in pain"
Or perhaps that's me just being picky...

You used paragraphs well. That's always a good thing to do because long, big chunks of text tend to make a person turn away from your work.

"He detected the slightest moves in my posture..."
Should really be
"He detected a slight movement in my posture..."
or maybe
"He detected the slightest movement in my posture..."
etc
But I'm sure that you get the idea.

Well done and keep writing.