Dream Catcher

by yubbies21

Published May 17, 2012

In Raydene's work

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Nice colorful feathers
 the nice feeling of the sinew,
  Fluffy and soft feathers.
   Nice beads and lots of colors to
    choose from. Takes those evil bad DREAMS AWAY. DREAM
     CATCHERS are so beautiful hanging
       above you and protecting you
         from evil dreams. How the
          web in the middle catches
            your evil dreams, like catching
             a bug in a spider's web and
               sucks the nice flesh blood,
                 And how it does the same
                   for your dreams. Dream
                    catcher is my life, gives
                     me goodness, and pride,
                       to keep me happy.
                        All from a dream
                          catcher.


Thanks for this lovely poem Raydene. I can tell that this means alot to you. You have a true talent Keep writing!


Reviews are welcome and appreciated!
Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
Audy
Review
Audy wrote a review Review · Jun 25, 2012

Yubbies21,

This is an interesting form that your poem has taken - it's almost like it's drifting across the page/site. One thing that I would suggest would be to avoid all caps and underlining words as those are gimmicks that detract rather than enhance meaning of the poem. Also, try to avoid using redundant/repetitive words. For example, in the first two lines you have repetitive uses of the word "nice" - where you can easily find a better word that might describe the feathers or the feelings and add a lot more detail or texture to the poem.

That being said, I love the concept of this poem, I think dream catchers are a great subject to write about. I only wish you could've taken it further, perhaps, or gone deeper or more specific. Maybe write about a specific dream? Or a specific person? Rather than generalities. I do love how you experiment with form and tone!

Great job and keep writing!

~ as always, Audy

User avatar
NovemberPayne Comment
NovemberPayne commented Comment · May 17, 2012

I liked this a lot! The line breaks seemed very natural and the flow was great. I did notice that "sinu" should be spelled "sinew," but that was it. Really nice!

I'll definitely tell my friend! She'll love it!



If I'm going to burn, it might as well be bright.
— Frank Zhang