hopeless

This is a really good dark piece.
I like how you described the blood as "dark" and "sticky" it really makes a difference.
This gives me a sad depressed feeling which is good from a readers point of view.
as a whole it's very short but it has some really deep emotions running through it.
Great job!

Wow a I that was pretty cool. Dark as it may be there's a story here waiting to happen, so that's pretty cool.
I would love to know the motivation behind your work!
I really like how the format you used, it really seems as though the subject is slowly fading away, I feel as though it gives a sort of realism to the poem.
Keep up the good work

Well, there must be some deep inside your poetry... all i miss is actually punctuation marks. or, are those even needed?
It's sad. it's uncertainty. Or it's just like that.
Can I repeat it again? I'm really wanting to.

"my breath felt heavy
as my future
hopelessly drowned
in a basin of
warm
sticky
dark blood"

It's good, I think. i just wish it were bit long. I'd love to know what you'd say next.
but, it's also good to leave your readers in suspense or just leave it on them what to imagine next.

Good work. God bless you.

Hey,

So right of the bat I can see this is a really short poem. I feel like you just kinda threw words onto the page however. You used no capitalization what so ever and no punctuation either. With out a doubt this poem could be better. I also kinda wish it was longer. Looking past all of that however its a nice poem and you have a really great idea here. I just wish you had executed it a little better. I hope you keep writing I look forward to watching your poetry develop into something even better. Finally I like this poem because I can relate to this feeling of drowning this poem clearly came from the heart.
Sincerely,
Collideascope.

Hi
I am totally not getting what you mean?.
can you elaborate it because it is too short.
Of course there is nothing i can review about it.
So please yourself clear next time.
Thank you.

Hi
I am totally not getting what you mean?.
can you elaborate it because it is too short.
Of course there is nothing i can review about it.
So please yourself clear next time.