Published September 21, 2011
prologue
"i wished i have never done this..!!"..is the word that i use first in the morning!! there are many things that all of us regret doing. all of us regret committing a stupid mistake.life is full of all these faults. of 'course no one is perfect.!!
but i...,i used to consider myself as "GOD'S FINEST CREATION EVER"!! but i have stopped saying that long back. well..,i suppose i haven't introduced myself yet..,well.,i am eleanor hewger . from northumberland.
but i am presently stuck in malibu,california.!! oh shit!! this thought make butterfly jumps in my stomach.i am in high school,.i hardly have any friends here,a girl that i talk to in latin class is kayleigh stanley, and the one i talk to in spanish is franscesca greengrass. they both are nice,i think . my mom and dad has left me here to study. by the way, my mom's bethany and my dad's ackerley..!! actually they both are having a rough time,and they figure out if they let me go,they will have more time to be alone and solve issues and i and my studies won't be affected by this all.i agreed and now i regret!!
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141,290 Literary Works • 674,333 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okay, the grammar and punctuation here is immediately a concern. I'm usually not one to comment on such things, but here this is very noticeable and large enough to interfere with actually understanding the piece so I though I'd mention it. As for a start, this is a fun one, it looks to be this person reminding us to know that we aren't and we make mistakes...or rather reminding themselves...which is a nice message to start on here...although it does naturally lead to the question of what would lead to that situation.
Okay...thaat's a bit weird. It seems like this is a new relevation for this person who used to think of themselves as perfect to some extent and its no longer the case since some time for some reason...well...this is a bit confusing to see here...but it is intriguing...the introuction there is a bit rushed though. It kind of seems to come a bit out of nowhere there.
Well this one turned into a bit of a hard to understand rant there towards the end, I have to say, I can't really figure out anything that this person is trying to say there towards the end of things...you've gotta work on sorting out what exactly you want to convey a bit more. I can only understand snippets and for the most part it barely seems to all be connected to one another...so I'd suggest taking a good look at this third paragraph here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps these were all typos and you didn't have enough time to revise? As for the story itself, there isn't much going on. You don't specify why the MC wishes for a do-over. She's living by herself in Malibu , CA. That doesn't seem too bad. Why does she hate being alone? We don't know. Why was this a bad decision? We don't know. You can expand on that, and the depth of your story will also grow. Right now, you've just scratched the surface. You have an idea, so make it clear so that you can share it with the rest of us. Remember, you aren't there to explain what the text means, we as readers only know what's written here. If you need help with grammar, I suggest "Eats shoots and leaves", my English teacher says it's a great book. Or like other reviewers have said, read more English novels or articles. Your grammar will definitely improve if you do that, and your story will not be seen for the technicalities, but the actual content. Good luck, and happy writing! If these are just typos, I would be willing to look at it again after revision. Feel free to PM me.
-Crescent
This almost seems like it's about you...
But my goodness, the grammar here, it makes everything rather unclear.
I agree with the above comments, you should try studying the styles of other authors and studying grammar a bit more. Writing gets far easier when you read what others have done, take note on how the language is, see how the paragraphs are spaced, etc.
You could become a fantastic writer if you keep trying, though!
Good luck!
This review will be brutal, read if you dare.
CAPITALIZATION! The first letter of every sentence, proper nouns, and the I's need to be capitalized. Just do it! The extra periods you put in when you end a sentence are not necessary. Ditto with the exclamation points, it makes your writing weaker. Some of these sentences are only incomplete fragments of a sentence and others simply sound like your rambling. You need to proofread. Pretty, pretty, please proofread!
I apologize if I wasn't very nice. I love your concept but I really think your writing could be improved.
Okay, Hi youngtalentkritz. To tell you the truth, this was... um, confusing. I didn't understand this at all. LIke, yeah sure, I understood the plot but it was too fast. You added random things that really do not need to be there. It's way to short to even be reviewed throughly. Too many explanation marks. Your writing lacks density. Sorry if I'm harsh, but this is bad. The only way you can get better is really writing more often, reading more books, (maybe ones you hate becuase then you really concentrate only on the writing style). Just try and try harder with writing. If you do want help with it, just ask me.
Nike
Keep Writing!