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This is my life. This is my lie. This is me. 2nd Version This is my life. This is my lie. This is me. I don't know what to say right now. So I'll start from the beginning. I don't know how long it will take me to finish, because my story just barely began, yet there's so much to say. But I will finish. I've been putting things off, just because they weren't easy for me. Anything hard, I gave up on. Not this time. No matter how long it takes me or how much it frustrates me. I'll finish. And I'll keep on going. Because I want to make an impact. I'm happy. I'm a hopeless romantic. I'm hyper. I'm weird. That's me in a nutshell. That's my lie. I'm not happy, not as much as I seem to be. It's easy to put a smile on, when you just wanna cry to the ground. This is my way to get anybody's attention. I sit there, acting like I could care less. But I care. More than anything. |
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Your writing is very inspiring. These are the thoughts that come into the mind of young people like us who are dreamers as well. So, congratulations on the article. Well written! Although I would like to advise you that if you have already started writing the first version in which the format is long and there are huge gaps between two lines (not sentences), then continue the second part in the same way. Or either write the first part closely spaced. Personally, I like the font and texture of the first version. That's because your article feels just so energising, the pattern makes it feel alive.
I love the line "I'll keep on going." It sounds simple, yet is so profound in its meaning. Good advice for the drifters out there. One more advice, in your second version, there is a sentence "I've just barely began". The words 'just' and 'barely' together could have easily been written as "I have barely began." It wound sound more simpler and less complicated.
The change in your personality as the subject of the article is easily visible which is a sign of clear, yet beautiful writing.
Good work! Keep writing!
Hi there
First, I can really relate to the things you're saying. It's beautifully written, and even without the poetic format it reads like poetry.
The English monster in my head is screaming that the second version is laid out better, but I also like it formatted like poetry. I think I would like the first version if you cut the lines off in better places. As it is, I feel like I'm having to pause in some unnatural places, and to me that takes away from it.
I like the ending of the second version better. I almost didn't notice that they were different. The second one bring the piece full circle, back to lying and pretending.
Keep writing!
~WallFlower
Well I can't even remember which one I wrote first, but if I kept the first one and somehow reworked the ending would that be better?
They're both really good, so I think anything you do to them will be fine
Clarice Arrais with a review here!
Your writing is nice and I liked it very much. The way you disposed the two styles caused quite an impact on me.
I loved the first style. It caused a different feeling with the blank spaces. The shape of it brought me a feeling of emptiness and search at the same time.
The second style was just... Normal.
At the beggining I thought it was weird you separate the ideas in different lines, but when I re-read, it reminded me how we sometimes feel empty, misplaced, broken and trying to bond.
I loved the first style, it was more "poetical".
We are all liars, dreamers, lovers and believers. At least once in a lifetime.
You write in a way we get involved...
It was good. You have my 1000 from 10. ^^
Keep working and see you around.
Well, some of the breaks were accidental. But thank you so much.
I'm glad it connected. This was something that I wrote at a time where I was so vulnerable.
^^ I liked it very much. =)