E - Everyone Language

love inside you

PreviousNext

This story is about a young girl who didn't give up beliving in herself even with all the problems that she had .Her name was Amira and her name bring her so many problems with her friends now as all of you know this name is an arabic name and it means princess .That's why all of her friends thought that she was a real princess with a lot and a lot of money.She was born in California and she had one brother and one sister Sonia and Marc .Sonia wasn't only the little sister but she was just like the best friend to amira and she always stand by her side and don't ever let her alone this is why they shared evrything together all their secrets and some boyfriends news evrything they were so closed to each others.Amira wasn't that reach and not a princess either so her friends didn't stop making fun of her and especially that eavel girl Natasha .She was enjoying seeing others in a disaster and of caurse she is the one who was making Amira's life like a hell no it's worst than that.I don't know but she always act like she own the school or something like that .

But even with her behaviour with Amira the only thing that she wished the most is being her friend.It's true Amira wasn't realy a princess but the goodness in her heart is making her a real one .She was very beautiful and helpful she always give a hand to evryone and she helped evryone to stop feeling sad but no one cares about her pain and what she feels .No one enderstood her better than her sister who was always taking care of her big sister and try to comfort her instead of making her life misirable like her brother Marc.

Yes! Marc was compleatly different from his two sister so he tryed all his best to distroy his sister's life only because she was the favorite one to his parents .He was so jalous and he couldn't see Amira in a good mood and living her life happy and day by day their relationship became worst than before .Now he is dating Natasha because he knew that she hated her very much so they become partners and imagine how much her life get worst .Evrybody at school are taking Marc and Natasha's side but even with that suffer she didn't stop beliving that they will change someday and became better than that but no body changed and she still living in a hell untill the day that this boy comes to the school.He was a new student who changed from school for some family reasons .

He was going to the prensible office when she met him.She was running away from her brother and his girlfriend when she dropped him .It was just like the the dream moment with a prince charmen but she didn't cares at that moment because the only thing that she wanted realy badly is running away from this two guys.But it wasn't like that for Ameer .He realy fulled in love with this stranger who didn't know anything about her and as they say it was love from the first sight.He couldn't stop thinking of her and how was she. He realy wanted to know evrything aboute her the moment he saw her so ameer continue his way to the prensible office with a big hope in his heart that he will meet her again and know at least her name.

After lunch break evryone went to their classes and after a while ameer came in to his new class.He was new so he had to introduce himself to his classmates .All the girls in class were very shoqued by the charm of this new boy.They were talking about him all day long.Evry girl wished to be his girlfriend but the only one who didn't care at all was Amira because she didn't see him but at the moment that Amira's little sister called her he saw her and he was very happy.He knew that he will meet her and finally he found his dream girl after all she was the one. He wanted to know her name so he asked the boy sitting next to him.After the lesson all the girls went to talk to ameer but he wasn't interested by them because the only thing that he wanted at that moment is folowing her but he couldn't ignore all his clasmates so he had to continue talking to them .He realy wanted to ask her out but he couldn't so he decided to talk with her tomorrow it will be perfect.

After passing all the night thinking about her.next day, He finally met her face to face in the classroom .He was very shy at the first moment and he couldn't speak correctly but he thought maybe it will be better for them both to know him as a friend and a classmate so he introduce himself to her and as usual she was very sweet and she welcomed him in his new school wishing him all the best in his new year .Day after day Amira and Ameer's relationship get stronger than before and by helping her with her brother and Natasha's case evrything in her life was much better than before but infortuntly even with all these days that Ameer spend them with Amira he couldn't talk to her aboute his feelings and this thing was very disaponting for him.It was the only thing that were disturbing him.

But that was enough,he couldn't wait anymore so he decided to take amira in a romantic dinner and tell her all aboute his feelings that was better than waiting.After all the worst thing that will happen is rejecting him so he didn't care at least he will be able to put an end to his pain and indead he finaly did it .it's true that it were a surprise for amira but she accepted the reality because she knew that the best friend can be a great lover but the lover can't ever be a best friend this is why she accepted his love.They were so perfect together and so charman .tThey were the best couple at school and evryone were talking aboute them but their life wasn't that good because they were two guys disturbing it of caurse they didn't miss any chance to make them apart but they did not succed because their love was stronger than anything else that's why they were happy with each other and that what makes Natasha feel so jalous and of caurse she hated her more than before .

But the surprise wasn't with Natasha she was as usual But the one who really changed was her brother Mark.He became very sweet and helpfull,very nice and adorable and especially with his sister the one who hated the most .It was very strange but Amira was very happy with this change .She couldn't undertand it but she didn't care finally all her familly is with her now and she couldn't be happier than now .She had the perfect days ever.She went to shops with her brother and sister and they bought so many expensive clothes because her brother wanted her to look great in the eye of Ameer and of cause she did.She was fantastic and so beautiful even those who were making fun of her became one of her big fans and lovers but she didn't care of anyone exept her boyfriend and her lover Ameer because he was more important for her than anyone else.

The prince was very surprise by her beauty that day at the first moment he didn't belive that he will go out in a date with such a wonderful girl like Amira but he was very happy because he finally found his true love and this is why he will never let her go.It was the perfect night and the perfect day ever.They went to wach a movie together than they were so hungry so they went to a wonderfull restaurant.It was an expensive reastaurant so Amira was a little bit against having dinner in this place but it wasn't really a problem for Ameer because he was a son of a big bisness man in the world so he was really reach and by this he could chnage her opinion and eated at that restaurant with that wonderful vue and after that romantic dinner they had an ice cream in the beach.

It were very romantic and the greatest date that any girl can dream about it and indead he make her like a beautifull dream and she really didn't want to wake up but as they say you can lose happiness at any moment and this what happened to them.Natasha picked up a picture to Amira with an other boy alone in a closed room.It was the worst nightmare for Amira and worst than all of this that Ameer didn't trust her.She tryed to but nothing works.He was very opset and very sad.It was very painful for him to see the one who loved and trust the most cheating him in his back.It was defenitly a real disaster between both of them.That was the end of their relationship.Now they are compleatly like strangers .They didnt know what to do .they even didn't talk to each other untill the graduation party because it was the last day at school and after that he won't ever see her again at least that they were thinking of.

But their destiney have something else to say so after three years from that goodby meeting.Ameera became a fashion desigener to a big fashion magasine Now she is the most talented and famous designer in the world and of caurs now she is the princess of fashion after all her name wasn't that bad he bing her luck and as they say if keep on working you will never miss up and this what happen to her anyway she is now the favourite to her friends and her boss .otherwise ameer had a particular life too he is now the owner of a very big and famouss companies ameer royal car company.Both of them was so serious in job and they didn't let anyone defeat them so they was the best in evrything they do.But there was one thing destroying their beautiful life witch is love.I know you'r wondering love is sopose to make someone's life like a heaven how can he destroy a life but infortuntlly that was hapening with them two.They really needed someone beside them and keep them stronger then before and give them love and see what they really need that's why they didn't stop thinking aboute their life partner unfownded .So that was the chap 1 from this story for those who want to compleat it review me and i will give you the end

Comments & reviews · 2
Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

User avatar
OliveDreams
Review

Hi there! Here to review your chapter this evening :)

I will review as I read so that it will make a little more sense to both me and you! I tend to get mixed up otherwise and ramble way off point.

Here goes!

The first thing I noticed is the length!! You need to separate this into paragraphs ASAP so that more people will feel inclined to read your work! This can look a little intimidating and will put people off from giving it a go.
Do the paragraphs & you'll be surprised at how many more comments you will get. PROMISE!

I love the name you have chosen. It's original.

“and don't ever let her alone” - This needs to be, “and he never leaves her alone.”

Names need to have capital letters every single time. Marc, Sonia, Amira.

“t's true amira wasn't realy a princess but her heart is making her a real one” - I love this line. It's very sweet. It's needs to be worded differently though.
“True, Amira isn't really a Princess, but the goodness in her heart makes her one.”

You need to work on your plot. What do you really want to tell the reader about Amira and her siblings? What story are you trying to tell?

The advice I can give you is to work on your spelling and grammar. Feel free to ask anyone on this site to help you out with this before you post your work. I'm sure they would be more than happy to help – myself included.
It can be distracting for a reader to see so many mistakes and they could lose interest fast.

I would also advise you to write out a story outline of what you actually want to write about. Have it it different sections and then write it down section by section.

I hope this helps! Don't give up – keep writing!

Olive <3

Wow, there's a lot to be improved here. Well, let's get started.
First, you need to capitalize EVERYTHING that should be capitalized. Your first word isn't even capitalized! Major boo-boo. Second, work on your spacing.Sentences shouldn't run together like this sentence is doing, even with a period. And the period shouldn't float off the end of the sentence . <-[like that]. Again, names should be capitalized, such as Amira. Spelling!!! Wow, there's a lot of spelling errors. "realy" should be "really", "compleat" should be "complete", "thaught" should be "thought",...there's a really long list. I'm not trying to sound mean, but you should get a Spellcheck in some sort of text document maker set to English. That will help a lot.
Writing advice: "show", don't "tell." Article explaining the difference between the two: http://www.goodreads.com/story/show/336 ... ?chapter=7

It seems like you need a lot more writing advice for plot than I can put in here. Check out http://www.springhole.net/writing/index.html and read through these articles. There's a ton, and they greatly helped me. You should especially check out articles related to "Mary Sue characters" because you're suffering from a major "Sue Syndrome" with this story. I hope your writing journey is one of constant improvement and betterment for you!

Hope this helps! And welcome to YWS!

thank you for your advices and i will be more carefull next time and no you are not that mean guy you'r just wanna help anyway thanks again for everything but i wan t to ask you something did you relly red all my story?

Yes I did; I wasn't going to at first because almost all my advice could have come from the first paragraph, but then I found the Mary Sue issue and some other spelling errors.



See the world. It's more fantastic than any dream made or paid for in factories. Ask for no guarantees, ask for no security.
— Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451