Published January 7, 2011
Snow Adrift
Gentle snowflakes fall, each
only aware of some hundreds of companions
in the millions that fill the air above me.
A visual weight of white
erases the thoughts I had just a moment before,
as I let my soul gaze at the sheer number
of tiny floating fluffs of snow.
Momentary peace
hushes the buzz of my working mind
as I set my feelings adrift
on the snowflakes to ride
a frozen miracle of geometry
to the earth as cold, calm
rushes through the blood in my cheeks.
Goodness, it's been over six months since I've been here. Apologies. I haven't been writing as much poetry lately as I would have liked to.
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138,299 Literary Works • 672,099 Reviews
I really like when people refer to snow, theres something so inspiring about it! and I love how you take something so simple and make it so complex and beautiful. I loved this poem.
I love snow poems! You do a god job describing everything in a new way, and I don't see any other mistakes. Every line you wrote is new and creative, and I like it. You have a good rhythm going, and I can't wait to read more of your works. I almost feel like i'm there in the snow!
I like this and find the imagery to be quite strong.
Though with the first few lines I found it hard to capture me but after that I found myself drawn in, I also found it slightly confusing with some lines but after re-reading I understood a little better.
This really gave me good imagery but I thought a little more detail could be used like:
Apart from that a beautiful piece!
Ahoy there! (get it? xD)
I couldn't really find much wrong with this poem. I thought it was refreshingly beautiful. However, I would like to point out a few things. They're not really suggestions to make, but just some things to consider. I'll also quote the bits that I absolutely loved.
I loved this! The feeling of looking at the snow coming down and all your buzzing thoughts just abating as you stare at the snow, mesmerized. It conjures such a beautiful image!
I personally didn't like the image of a soul gazing. I feel souls feel, they take in, absorb, but don't deliberately commit an action. Does that make sense or am I just mumbling nonsense? Also, I feel the term soul is quite cliche. It almost seem cheesy. Also, do you think you can do better than "floating fluffs?" While the image makes sense, it doesn't really add much to the poem. I mean, it doesn't really sit well with the other more beautiful imagery in the poem. It just doesn't deliver as much and sort of falls flat and that's why it comes to notice.
Lovely!
This whole part is one sentence, meant to be read in a continuous manner.Yet, the part I underlined is where it lost me. Perhaps you need a comma before 'as'? There's something awkward there. Look into it.
Overall, it's a very beautiful poem. I love your use of imagery. The poem flowed quite nicely (except for that last bit). I really wish it was snowing right now. I hardly saw any snow this winter. But there are most wintry months ahead, so I suppose I can hope? Anyway, wonderful poem!
Keep writing!