Tides---Chapter One, The Wind

by yeupyuep

Published May 10, 2014

16+

In Tides

Warning: This work has been rated 16+.

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Tides
Chapter One---The Wind


He chuckled as she ran ahead, her figure blurred momentarily by the
thick ocean spray. He heard her calling him on and smiled. Every day
he marveled at the way his name rolled off of her tongue. Smooth—like
the waves out past the whitewater.


"Daniel!"
She tossed the word out into the wind for him to catch. He
accelerated and dug his toes into the sand. As he propelled himself
forward through the early morning fog, he felt the moisture in the
air cling to his bare chest. The wind wove itself through his hair as
he ran.


She stopped and turned to make sure Daniel was behind her. He continued
toward the girl: twenty feet, ten, five, and he leaped. Unsure where
this sudden burst of inhuman strength came from, he decided to pull a
little trick. Still in the air, he lifted her by the forearms to
carry them both forward. A smirk came as he heard her suck in air,
surprised. Daniel twisted, switching their positions. He held her
close to his chest as he hit the sand. A bit harder than expected,
but he showed no sign. He had cushioned her fall, and now she was
curled around his torso as if latched on permanently.


Daniel laughed openly, not something that came of him often. He poked her
unmoving body, and she muttered something that sounded like it
contained more than one form of profanity. She slowly sat up, and he
wondered what she would do. Straddling his stomach, she brought her
arms above her head in a stretch that looked majestic from Daniel's
vantage point. How could he resist?


"Don't you dare," she whispered as he brought his hand up toward her
side. She burst into a fit of laughter as it connected, and tumbled
off him in an effort to escape. He simply flipped over and trapped
her beneath him. He began to tickle. His spirit soared when she
laughed. It was just like how the books described when they touched;
A spark of electricity stayed with him for the rest of the day.
Daniel knew something was going to happen soon, though. This was too
perfect—getting to spend his days like this, making her smile.


He felt the water as it licked at his knuckles, and brought himself back
to the beach. He looked down into her chocolate brown eyes. They were
concerned. He had done it again, zoned out and stopped responding.
She knew, but it worried her, because neither of them knew why.


"High tide is coming. Let's head in…” he murmured. He pressed
a soft kiss onto her forehead before helping her up. She hugged him
tightly before they linked hands and began to walk up the beach.


Daniel halted their progression with a gentle tug on the girl's hand. She
turned, meeting his gaze in puzzlement before she registered the
spectacular array of colors that framed his body. The sunlight made
him positively glow, almost giving her the impression that he was
levitating. She looked past him, at the orange and purple hues that
painted the ocean. The horizon supported the sun, holding it up so
that it could paint the entire world.


Daniel's eyes had never left her face. He knew when these sunrises came. He
knew the very second when they were the most beautiful. They
coordinated with the tides, and if there was one thing Daniel knew
everything about, it was those tides. He never knew how he gained
that knowledge...it was just something he had always had, like the
ability to blink or feel. So he had never questioned it.


"I love it," she said.


He pulled her into a hug.


"You haven't said much today," she remarked, the sound muffled by his
shoulder.


"Do I ever say much?"


"No, but...you know what I mean."


"I have absolutely no idea what in this world you could be speaking of,
young lady," he mumbled into her hair, before sweeping her off
her feet and continuing up the beach with her held bridal style in
his arms. She was so light sometimes that it felt as if she wasn't
there at all; it was those moments that scared Daniel most, when she
wasn't completely there because no amount of brute strength could
save a ghost. Unfortunately, that was all he had. Strength and the
tides, and some apparent measure of compassion that the girl kept
commenting on. He had no idea where that came from either. For the
second time that day, he looked down to see those brown eyes looking
up at him in clouded confusion. He muttered an apology and something
about needing coffee, before once again kissing her forehead and
continuing on.


"We need to get you home. Fast route?" she inquired. He smiled, and
picked up his pace as they crossed from sand to pine needles. They
ran faster and faster, until the horizon was obscured by the ever
present palm fronds.

Comments & reviews · 3
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dawny9791
Review
dawny9791 wrote a review Review · May 25, 2014

Let me just say, it is really hard doing what you did in third person - and I mean that as a compliment -, so good job on that. I really enjoyed it, but there was one slight thing that annoyed me... I didn't really like how some of your paragraphs were like ten sentences long, and some were one. I like your writing style too. I also would say that unless she is a past character that isn't really going to come back, I would at least mention a name once, because believe me when I say that it can get confusing with nameless people in books - and thats from personal experience. So, overall, I would defiantly read this again.

Thanks for the review and the follow. I agree, the lengths of the paragraphs get wacky sometimes, but that's just how I write. I like a little variation. Uniformity in writing is very bland for me, in content, style, and formatting. The lack of a name for the girl is also a personal preference. Some see it as a reason to come back for more, and some see it as a nuisance. For me, honestly, I just didn't have a name in mind when I wrote this. You are quite right though, in saying that it can get very confusing. But as long as I have one he and one she, I'll survive. She is named in the next chapter. Glad you enjoyed, and thanks again.

asadderandawiserman wrote a review Review · May 11, 2014

I'm have to say, I disagree with Sherri in that I don't think more physical description of the characters would have made this piece better. There's already a lot of great description in here, most of which helps to set the idyllic, dreamlike tone, but I think any more would be redundant, unless it told us something important that we didn't already know. In general, I would shy away from lengthy physical descriptions of characters, unless the physical description told us something more interesting about their personality. Luckily, I agree with Sherri on everything else; this is a beautiful piece of writing.

I would, however, try to reword the line Daniel speaks near the end to: 'I have absolutely no idea what in the world you could be talking about, young lady.' I feel that you may have written 'this world,' as a little bit of foreshadowing that the characters will be visiting other worlds, which is lovely, but I don't think the sentence sounds natural as it is. Although, it has just occurred to me that other worlds could be commonplace for Daniel already, in which case you should definitely leave the line as it is, since that would be a beautiful little clue.

In terms of content, I would suggest including something else to make the reader more interested in coming back for the next chapter. As it is, I'll definitely read on because of your wonderful prose, but in terms of plot I'm not that invested in whether or not Daniel makes it home on time, nor are there any particularly juicy threads of information or world-building yet to keep me hooked.

I love the font by the way! Mono-space fonts always have the best character, in my opinion.

Thanks for posting this, I can't wait to read more of your work!

Well, thanks. That was quite the compliment. Glad you enjoyed my writing. I work hard to make sure that I have no errors before I submit things on any website.

I have to say, I never looked that far into that particular line that Daniel speaks, and I am really glad you pointed that out. That really made me think. Believe it or not, I write completely off the top of my head. No previous planning, character sketches, or anything. So when I wrote that, I had no idea where it was going to go. I've already written much more of this same work on another site, but can't post it until I have enough points. But it actually does coordinate well with what will happen. So you are in fact, correct. In a way. A bit of foreshadowing.

As for snagging the reader with plot, honestly, I'm just relying on the prose itself to snag in the first chapter. The second chapter is when things become a little odd, and get you wondering just what kind of world I have created. I can say it's not what you'd expect.

Again, thanks for the review!

User avatar
Sherri
Review
Sherri wrote a review Review · May 10, 2014

Hi Yeupyuep, this is Sherri; welcome to YWS. I like this story, and can't wait to see where it goes (if you choose to continue it). I like all of the descriptive detail you put into this, as well as the good overall structure. I couldn't find any grammar or spelling errors or anything; in fact, the only thing I can suggest is that maybe you consider explaining more of what the two main characters look like? That might help others visualize the two. You described everything else perfectly; I can imagine the beach with the rising tides. Great job! I can't wait to read what happens next :)

Thanks! I really appreciate the review. I see that a lot as well in my writing. I have trouble describing characters because I visualize them in my mind, and often forget that I am writing for others. I did try to fix that with Tides though. I have actually already written much more of this on another site, but obviously can't post it here until I have enough points. But you'll certainly be seeing more of it, and I can say right now that it's not what you'd expect from a beginning like this one.

Again, thanks for the comment, and I'm definitely glad to know there is nothing obviously wrong with it. You seem to sound like you know what you are looking for.



Whenever you find you are on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.
— Mark Twain