Have I not done as you asked?, Have I not been there for you?, Then tell me this, If I do it so wrong, Is there a wrong way to cry?, I know I am young and my mind is not yet done growing, Pease understand that there isn't a wrong way to do a thing, Should it not be based on wheather or not I tried?, Or are you too arragent to notice that a tear means nothing, A tear is what makes me human, So I ask you this, If there trully is a wrong way to cry then how are you human?
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hi, yelloworchered, I'm Bella, here to review your... interesting piece.
I liked the title.... I think that's what’s drew me in.
I like the concept, like the other people who have commented, but I definitely have to second cg26's advice on spelling.
Personally, I think this would be improved by spacing out some of the lines, and adding a few commas where there are pauses. Reading it aloud a couple of times will help you to fix this. The spacing out will add drama to the piece (because poems don't have to have a set structure) and will separate the elements of the story you're telling. One way to separate it out would be to make a new line wherever you have a comma and a capital letter (don't forget to remove the comma if you do that).
You don't actually need a comma before a capital letter, by the way.
Other than that, I don't really have any more comments.
Thanks for sharing this
~Bella~
Hi yelloworchered.
I'm going to start by saying how much I liked this poem. It is a moving piece made with great skill. If someone really said this to a bully, I bet it would make them really think about what they were doing and that is a great thing. Bullying is never right and this poem really enforces that message.
Just because I'm a nitpicker, I'll point out a couple of spelling/grammar errors in this piece. Firstly, if should not have a capital letter. Secondly, "please" is spelled with an L. Finally, whether, arrogant and truly need to be fixed.
Sorry, I always feel really mean after nitpicking!
Keep up the good work!
hi yelloworchered!
just want to say that i really like your piece of work. it is short and simple but holds a lot of depth in the words. it shows us how some times people try or expect to be 100% perfect. they don't make mistakes forgetting that making mistakes are what makes you human.
l like the way how you present it in a young adults perspective. during our youth we make mistakes and our mind is in constant conflict with one thing or another.
if there was one thing hindering your work it was the fact that it was not clear who the speaker was speaking to or what he reason was. is it about a breakup? is it about parents? or teachers?
other than that i like your piece and love the way you use the act of crying and interconnect it with perfection.
Keep up the good work!!!
very short and precise.i love the choice o words.