Who I will !

Hi! I saw you said this is your first poem in English, so I wanted to congratulate you and hopefully give some useful feedback!

Firstly, 'who I will' does not make grammatical sense in English. It is just a fragment of a sentence. English needs a verb to finish it, and questions flip the word order. I think what you mean to ask here is: Who will I be?

To fix the grammar in this first sentence:

Who I will If the world never told me to be someone

It would become: Who will I be if the world never told me to be someone?

However, then we come into another problem. 'If the world never told me to be someone' is in past tense, and 'who will i be' is in present tense. This means you need to change it to 'Who would I be' as would is the past tense of 'will'

So the line should be: Who would I be, if the world never told me to be someone?

Who I will If the prayers of mine were mine only

And here: Who would I be if those prayers of mine were mine only?

Hopefully, this can help you edit the poem to be grammatically correct! I liked the overal nature of the poem, speculating on what we could have been in circumstances were different. I think about this all the time myself!

Hey! I like this poem because of the way it takes one question and develops into something much bigger, asking questions beyond what was initially presented. The repetition of "Who I will" makes me feel as if this is an idea that has gone around and around in someone's head, and now it is simply being asked.

If the world never told me to be someone

Who I will

These first lines introduce the issue of identity vs the idea of what people want you to be. I love the juxtaposition of the words 'some one' and simply 'one'. This whole poem brings up the conflict of what our identity is and if it is truly our own or if we are defined by those around us.

The line I thought was interesting was the one about prayers

If the prayers of mine were mine only

This line implies that even things as simple as your hopes and dreams can be defined by other people.

My favorite part was

Maybe I seek track rather than station

Or maybe I wrote myself before someone gave me definition.

I think the reference to the train tracks and stations is interesting because it implies that the author feels as if they are looking for a destination beyond themselves, but a place where they have been, too. It makes identity feel like it is not necessarily a place, but more like a journey and something that is sought after. Rather than finding out who I am, I am trying to find where I want to go.

The poem goes dark at the end, bringing up death and other scary topics. Instead of answering the questions and giving an identity to who the speaker is, the questions are left lingering.

This is the best poem I have read in a long time about who we are as people. Its use of repetition keeps the pattern of thought going, and the lack of resolution at the end makes the reader ponder over the questions of personal identity.

Lovely work!<3