"This fountain of mine flows through you."
"And so it does," he replied
Holding her hand ever so softly
He was wrought with a finite yet seemingly endless stream of 'memories'
The allure of her gentle yet forward gaze
The tingle of her skin and feel of her breath at just the lightest touch
Her covert indifference to his sanity
And having to make room for the absurdity
From the barter of amorphous thoughts through the night
To the occasional delight found in the rhythmic fall of raindrops
On the verdure outside
As the warmth of their shared nakedness kept them underneath the covers
A week, a month, a year, now five
All started to fade away, and her face was but a blur
He found himself engulfed in a haze
And he could grudgingly hear its last beat
After its insistent pounding
His dreamer's heart finally ceased its flailing hold over his essence
And through the crevice that was his partially closed window curtain
His eyes, barely open, were stung by daylight
"And so it does," he sighed
Glancing at the bedside, that was once graced by her
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
Hello there, one of King Koopa’s loyal henchmen, here!
This is an awesome little poem! It brought me on a story that tugged my heartstrings. I love the repeating of “and so it does” at the beginning and end, perhaps this symbolizes that the speaker’s love for their partner has and will never cease, no matter what age they are. The theme of memories here is also resonant. Once our loved ones go, all we will have is memories to remember them.
Reading again, this is all my interpretation, but is this about dementia? The lines of “a week, a month, a year, now five, all started to fade away, and her face was but a blur” seem to elude to an eroding of memories similar to the way dementia erodes at someone’s mind. Just an idea, and more sad nonetheless.
Awesome and gripping tale!
Hey, Kaerae here for a quick review!~
In fact, your descriptions of everything is awesome.First Impression: Okay, before we get into it, I just want to say, 1. I love the title to this piece, and 2. I absolutely love the way that it is formatted as a poem, but also a narrative. Most poems don't have dialogue and I admire you for using it here! Aside from that the way you describe affection is quite cute,
Favorite line: Oh man, all of this is so good, I honestly can't choose just one line.
I like how you mentioned the raindrops here. It is really relaxing to listen to the rain, and that little part of imagery makes me think back to good memories.
Beginning/ending reference: I also like how you tied everything together by referencing the first stanza, The fact that you repeat it just puts a lot of emphasis on your message.
I really don't feel like you need to change anything in this poem... It is really beautiful and well written. Great job~
Keep writing
Kaerae
I love this piece of work it is such a melancholic artwork that leaves you longing for more as much as the character longs for their partner. I loved the line, "He found himself engulfed in a haze And he could grudgingly hear its last beat". It reached into my heart and just shattered it. In the beginning, we are left following the story like a lost puppy and it is only when we reach a full circle in the end do we get to look back at the story we just read much more clearly. Overall beautifully tragic. <3
Hi names 22Midnight
hope your doing well, let's get into it!
First Impression: from the title I am guessing that we will be in a dream that someone is having that they might have wished as reality instead of it just being inside of there head.
interesting start I really like this, it builds up a sense of mystery and urge to carry on reading.
here i am really getting the feeling that they are in a deep sleep and are dreaming about someone that they love deeply, but at the same time there's almost a haze about it, like this feeling might not actually be real.
it feels as though this is a dream that they are having after a long time of being in denial about a loved once death or maybe that they left, and there having a lot of trouble dealing with it and excepting it.
really heart warming last lines and it's like i'm being left with a strange emptiness in my heart now, feeling as though this persons trying to hold on to something that might not have ever been there but his imagination is craving it none the less.
Overall: It was a really well written poem and i'm so glad to have read it, I can see that you really put a lot of effort into it and i so look forward to reading anything else you've written. Welcome to YWS by the way!
anyway that's it from me
hope you have a great dawn/dusk/midnight
See Ya
Nice poem written by the author.
The author has a really nice way of expressing his/her thoughts and feelings into words. Love is an emotion stronger than any power in this world and this poem verifies this fact.
Keep it up.
Waiting for more.
Thank you.