Story Currently Untitled-Chapter 1

Very interesting plot but I found that you repeated ideas a lot, just try to rephrase a few things and you should be fine.

Such a sad story but really good, I like it. Is there a second part? Can there be a second part?

I really like your work. I found it a little confusing at first since I didn't know what it was about but by the end I think I got it. It was really good and I couldn't stop reading it. I do think you should have gone back to the conversation they were having in the beginning but other than that and a few grammatical errors it was great! I look forward to reading more!

Hi xxclaraxx(weird but cool username),
So first of all welcome to YWS. Hope your this post turns out to be good. I will be copying your story and then edit it. Hope I help you with this.

“Aud, have you seen my nail polish and the nail polish remover?”Corbin yelled to me from the bathroom of her tiny one-bedroom apartment.



“Corbin, I don’t even live here, why would I know?” I yelled from her bed where I was lying down. Although I probably did know where it was #0040FF ">they were(you are talking about 2 things)...I knew her place better than she did. “Try the shelf above the sink Corb!” I yelled, knowing it was the only way she could hear me.



“Why would it be there...never mind.” she mumbled, I knew she’d found it on the shelf.



“Told ya,” I said as she walked back into the room. Corbin was the complete opposite of me -completely gorgeous, blonde, tall, and outgoing. I was the nerd that somehow through #0040FF ">because of a miracle became her best friend. We’d known each other just over#0040FF ">for a year and I was still unsure why the hell we got along so well.



I guess in the time that I’d known her, I’d changed myself, but that’s only because I’d met her. She rolled her eyes at me as she flopped down onto the bed next to me. “Shut up...so, can I do yours?” she asked, gesturing to my nails.



“Don't even think about getting near me with that!” I shuffled away from her on the bed. I loved nail polish, but I didn’t trust Corbin using it on me. The last time that I let her do something aesthetic towards me, I ended up with green streaks in my hair-it’s not my colour.



“Auden PLEASE? #FF0000 ">Pretty please? #FFBF00 ">Why this sentence” She uncapped the black nail polish and moved towards me. I moved away further, not thinking about the close proximity of the edge of the bed. I fell off, landing on the carpeted floor. I rubbed my sore head that had thunked on the ground and looked up to see Corbin laughing at me. She finally stopped long enough to offer me her hand to pull me up.#0040FF "> She finally stopped after what seems like eternity and offered me her hand in help.



“You’re going to hell#0040FF ">, you know that,” I climbed back onto the bed.



“Why? Because it’s my fault that you have no sense of spatial awareness? I don’t think so,“ she said.



“Whatever,” I muttered, pretending to be mad, but with Corbin that lasted about three seconds.



“Oh#0000FF ">! stop being dramatic, cheer up, you have a date with lover-boy tonight.” She said, knowing that talking about Ty would make me smile. Ty was my #0040FF ">'boyfriend#0040FF ">' as Corbin referred to him as, but really he wasn’t. We’d barely even started dating; Corbin was just caught up in her love-fantasy brain.



I hadn’t always been like I was now, I used to be really different. #FF4040 ">When I’d first moved here the summer before I’d even turned eighteen(re-frame it;its confusing me), I was a totally different person, someone that I wouldn’t even recognize now if I was looking at myself in a mirror. I look at pictures of me back then-my dorky glasses, my straight shoulder-length hair, almost always perfectly parted in the middle, the perfectionist that I was.



I was officially dubbed a nerd by the gracious majority of my high school. I wasn’t really good at everything...okay#0000FF ">, so maybe I was, but in my house, academia was something that I was expected to be good at, it was pretty much genetic. While some kids might get their parent’s musical or artistic abilities, I got none of that. Instead, I got intellectuality.



Friends were a rare thing for me, since I ran in my own academic circle instead of a social one. I’d had some friends here and there, but those came and went like seasons. I did have one best friend though that had stuck around for a lot longer: Lacey Brownstein. Lacey and I had been friends since we were in grade one, which was when I moved to Serilanta.



Lacey came up to me on my first day of school and took my hand, insisting that we were going to be best friends. I was standing outside of the classroom door, too scared to go inside. I was clinging onto my brother#0040FF ">, Cody’s leg tightly, but he couldn't have been happier to leave me with Lacey. Cody was in the fourth grade, and he was convinced that if any other fourth graders saw him hanging out with his dweeby sister in #0040FF ">from grade one, then he wouldn’t make #0040FF ">won't have any friends. I nervously followed Lacey into the classroom, clutching her hand. She introduced me to the teacher and then told #0000FF ">asked(looks better) me to follow her.

She pulled up a chair at a table where a bunch of nametags sat around the table, clearly marking each kid’s spot. She told me that from now on, that was my seat. Then, she showed me where “the best toys were” according to her. So from that day on, we were friends. So, when I was #0000FF ">a kid9she is young ven now0#0000FF ">, I was actually a normal kid. I wasn’t freakishly smart #0040FF ">but was pretty average.



I really didn’t start being so into school until the summer#0040FF ">, right before I started middle school. That was when my parents got their divorce. When my parents split, my mom got a job at the university downtown and threw herself into her work. She#0000FF ">, somehow morphed from my sweet mother into this person completely engrossed in work. Suddenly, all that mattered to her were grades...my grades. She’d given up on Cody ever pulling anything higher than a B, so she turned to me. The divorce had taken its toll on her and she wanted nothing more than to forget about it. Before the divorce, I’d always been pretty average with my grades, but then once the divorce was final, my mom pushed me more and more to get higher grades. The divorce was rough on everyone, especially me because I was really close with my dad. I’d always been “daddy’s little girl” and when my parents split and my dad left, I took it the hardest. They split because my dad had an affair with his secretary-classic office scandal right? But even before the split, my parents had problems. They fought constantly and I think that it was just a matter of time before something triggered the divorce.#0000FF ">They fought constantly and i think the affair was just a trigger pressed for the divorce to happen.


I was actually the one who first found out about the affair. My mom and I had gone shopping after lunch and we’d just gotten home. My mom had asked me to go and put something in her room that we’d bought, so I took it and walked up the stairs to my parents’ room. I’d seen my dad’s car in the driveway so I figured that he was working from home that day. I opened the door of their room and froze in shock. I saw Evelyn kissing my dad while unbuttoning his shirt, wearing an incredibly short black nightie. My dad’s hands on her waist. I dropped whatever it was that I was carrying, hearing it smash onto the floor and my dad quickly pulled away from Evelyn to look at me.



“Daddy?” I remember saying, tears forming in my eyes. His eyes widened and he started to panic.



“Auden, sweetie...it’s not...” he couldn't think of anything to say.



I bolted #0000FF ">out from the room and down the stairs. I was in tears and I ran right to my mom.

“Baby, what is it?” she asked worriedly. She wiped the tears from my eyes. I was breathing quickly, close to the point of hyperventilation.



“Dad...he...he was kissing that woman from his office...”



“What?” She was in shock. “Sweetie, are you sure?” she asked me seriously.

I nodded, tears flowing down my face. My mom put her hand over her mouth and started crying. She told me to go to my room, she had to talk to my father about this #0040FF ">alone. I went to my room, but they were so loud that it was hard to ignore. I pressed my ear to the door and listened.


There were various forms of “You bitch” between my mom and Evelyn, and all kinds of “How could you?” and “I can’t believe that you’d do this to your family!” between my parents.

Evelyn had left in a hurry before any of the actual fighting started. It was three and a half hours before I heard my dad storm out of the house, slamming the door shut on his way out and shouting something about bringing divorce papers the next day. Cody got home late that night and my mom was already in bed when he got there. He found me in my room, sitting in my closet crying. My closet was one of those walk in closets so I’d always sit in there when I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I was sitting in the farthest corner of the closet, my knees pulled up to my chest and I was hugging them tightly.



“What happened Auden?” he asked me as he sat down next to me. We were never close as kids because Cody always thought that I was just his dorky little sister, but as we got older we got really close.

“Mom and dad are getting a divorce...” I looked up at him with tear-filled eyes.



“What? Why?”



“Haven’t you noticed them fighting?” I asked. Cody could be so unobservant.



He nodded. “Yeah, but I always figured that it’d blow over eventually.” He let out a deep breath. “Wow...”



I nodded. “Today I caught dad with Evelyn.” I said.



“Who’s Evelyn?”



“The secretary...from his office?”



“What? Oh my God...I can’t believe him! Are you okay Auden?” He’d never been too close with my dad, but he knew that I was.



I shrugged. “I don’t know. Can you go Cody...I just want to be alone.”



He nodded. “Sure Aud, night.” He said.



“Night,” I said. He reached out and hugged me tightly before he got up. I hugged him back and gave him a fake half-smile before he left.



I didn’t sleep that night and I was prepared to tell my mom the next morning that I was sick so that I didn’t have to go to school, but she wasn’t even out of bed. I walked into the kitchen and Cody was there making breakfast. “Mom’s still in bed and she said that we don’t have to go to school today if we don’t want to...” he said. “You want anything to eat?”



I shook my head and walked back to my room. I only came out mid-afternoon because I was hungry. My mom and dad had finished signing the divorce papers and my dad was trying to talk to Cody who was giving him the #0040FF ">a cold shoulder.



“Cody, come on, just talk to me.” He put his hand on Cody’s shoulder and Cody pulled away from him.



“Just...don’t dad. You can’t fix it.” He said and stormed off to his room. Then my dad turned and saw me standing there.



“Auden...come here sweetheart.” I shook my head, feeling the tears forming in my eyes.



“Auden, honey, will you just let me explain?” I didn’t say anything, but just stood there.



He went and sat down on the couch and waved me over. I shook my head. I was furious at him. He sighed. “Auden, you know that this has nothing to do with you, right sweetie?” I nodded. “Good, because it doesn’t, not at all. It’s just that me and your mother...we have some things that we can’t seem to work out. It’s just better for us. Do you understand?” I nodded again, still not speaking to him. He stood up and walked over to me slowly. “Do you think you’re ever going to talk to me again?”



I shrugged and continued giving him a cold stare. “I have to go baby but I’ll call you okay?” He looked at me, hoping for some kind of response. Again, I simply nodded and didn’t answer when he kissed the top of my headme at my forehead. “Tell Cody I said goodbye okay? Bye, honey.” He kissed my head again and stopped at the door again to look back at me one last time before he left.