Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.
Deleted, as I am currently working on the story as a whole for a project.
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140,869 Literary Works • 673,696 Reviews
First of all, I admire that you are trying to write outside of your comfort zone. I love people who push themselves creatively... and you certainly seem to. So... your work...
There's an interesting use of names here: Caleb and Equinox, which really catch the reader's attention. I like that... makes them seem very unique.
I agree with the previous comments, that the 'XxXxX' are a little strange, although, I think I see what you are trying to do.
Overall... a good piece. Would I class this as short? No way! LOL
But since this is the end of part of one, I am interested to see what happens in part 2.
Good job.
Yours in blood and ink
~Bloodink
Hey, i like your story but what are the "xxxxx's" for like a paragraph or something. your switching tease, and perspectives in your writing. i think you should give more detail in your story. But Keep up up the good work. GOOD JOB!
I saw your wall post and thought I would take a quick look, but before I realized what I was doing I had already read through the entire thing O_O This was really good. I must admit it took a while for me to realize that their perspectives were switching, but this had voice. I could feel the emotion in this piece and I felt like the characters were real. I feel that you branching out of your comfort zone is good since this was the product. I loved it. Keep up the good work ^_^
Sushi