The first part of a CSI fan fiction, nnot much of it here, but i want to get some oppinions on it! lol...here goes...
Gina sat in the car, waiting for her brother… today was her first day at her new job, working with the LVPD, her brother, Greg Sanders had got her the job, and now she was waiting for him, of course, she had been ready ages ago, but him being so forgetful, had forgotten where he left the house keys, and was now trying to find them…
“Found them…” said Greg, getting into the car and waving them in her face, she saw the picture of a girl and immediately grabbed them…
“So… I take it this is Sara…pretty isn’t she…” Greg immediately blushed and took them off her…
“You’re such a kid…Gina, especially seen as you’re only 3 years younger than me…!” Gina smiled to her self, she loved winding her brother up about his crush on his college, Sara Sidle…
When they arrived at the crime lab, Gina got out of the car, and waited for her brother…
“Need me to hold your hand, sis, how old are you… like five!” Gina sighed
“I thought you might need me to old your hand… hey…isn’t that Sara?” Greg waved to Sara, who was making her way over to the car,
“Hey Greg, you know like Warwick and I were debating about the spontaneous combustion, well…I’ve done a bit of research,” Greg rolled his eyes at Gina,
“Sara…I really don’t care…’ Gina took the papers off Sara…
“Can I read this…I’ve always wanted to know what it’s all about?’ Sara nodded,
“Yeah, sure, I take it you’re Gina…’ Gina nodded, Sara had only just realised how alike they looked, ‘I didn’t know you’re twins…’ she said.
‘We’re not!’ shouted Greg and Gina, and the same time,
‘Oh…sorry, you look so alike… feel sorry for you, Gina!’ said Sara, Greg nudged Sara, while Gina just giggled. As they arrived inside, and made their way to Grissom’s office, they were met by non other that Nick Stokes,
‘Hey, G, Sara…’ he paused and looked at Gina, eyed her up and down, ‘and, hello there, I’m Nick Stokes…call me Nicky…’
‘And…I’m Gina Sanders, call me Gina…’ Greg led his sister to Grissom’s office…
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hey!! I LOVE CSI, but I almost never see stories about Greg!! So I can't wait to read more!
Keep up the good work!!!
Kelsi =)
I can only reiterate this. This wasnt an interesting story at all, read it aloud to correct your mistakes.
I'm curious to where this is going. This seems really short, and the ending is really abrupt. What's going to happen once they get to Grissom's office? What exactly is Gina's position in the lab? Many questions are left unanswered. This has potential to go somewhere and if you develop the story more, I'm sure you can get to wherever this is leading.