Published August 10, 2010
.up go will life my ,backward steps few a take I if
maybe just ,Maybe
chance the be could there ,Or
.down further even go will It
.end the be would That
.be to used I way the to back ,backwards go must I Yet
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While I do think that you've used an interesting concept, it might be better if you only used the backwards writing for one stanza. It's a chore to have to read backwards, which might turn some people off.
That being said, what you're trying to say in this poem is a little bland. You keep saying you want to go back, but what is it that you have done? What were you like originally? You don't describe anything, you just give us vague ideas of going back, going back. Okay, we get that you want to go back... but I want to know why. Put the emotion of what you've done into concrete images.
Just as an example, which isn't in your poem, but I want to show something: Saying "I was happy." Well, you were happy, yes, but what is happiness to you? It's different for every person. Happiness to me is writing, or watching a movie. Happiness to you might be going to the beach. Happiness for Joe Bob might be cooking dinner for his lover. So, in order to drive the point home that you are happy, you need to give us strong images that help form an idea, which in the case of this example, is "I was happy."
For your poem, what you are saying is "Yet I must go backwards, back to the way I used to be." How could you give us images, (and by the way, don't ignore the other senses) that would drive home the sense that you would want to go back? Perhaps taking the form of a photograph from when you were happier. Perhaps rewinding a movie to the good part that you want to watch over and over.
"That would be the end." What is the end? The dusk of your life? The end of the sidewalk? The edge of a cliff?
"It will go even further down." This is very unclear. I'm not sure I understand what you mean by that. What is going further down? The beginning, the end, what?
I hope you see what I am explaining. And, like I said, I like the concept of writing something backwards, but it is confusing. Don't write the whole poem that way.
Wow. It took me a second to figure out what this said. Very clever, xjpalladinix. I see no grammar or spelling errors.
Good work I hope you write more.
~Ladypurple.