Glancing around a high school campus,
the quarrels and achievements are worn
on every adolescent face.
The courtyard,
a social beehive.
On the left,
tenth grade boys,
talking about sports and cars,
oblivious to stress,
enjoying life for a few precious minutes,
before the bell rings and they must go
back to monotone classes.
In another corner
are some girls,
laughing with friends.
Except one,
who glances to her left,
pining for the boy in the corner of her eye.
Her forlorn sigh tells her heart’s story.
One of her friends sits with her,
reassures her brave friend to take the risk.
She walks over,
and sits with the boy,
leaning her head on his shoulder.
He blushes,
breaths a sigh of relief,
and begins teasing the girl,
yet all the while his attraction is obvious.
Farther away is another group,
this one cannot be classified,
it is far too diverse.
There are drama fanatics,
book worms,
computer nerds,
even a rapper thrown in,
but they all fit,
they are all so close,
they trust each other unconditionally.
Behind this group there are two,
these two don’t care about the world around them,
with its drama and problems,
because they have each other.
The boy is a rebel of sorts,
with his baggy torn jeans
a rusty bike chain attached at the belt loop.
The girl is a creative one.
It’s difficult to tell what exactly goes on in her head.
The boy gently cradles the girl’s head in his lap as she rests,
her eyes flutter open slowly,
she laughs and sits up.
All the while another is watching them,
smiling,
watching her two friends fall in love.
It is a sight to behold.
This girl looks like shy type,
but underneath what she leaves others to perceive,
she is a strong-willed motivator,
pleased to see her friends happy.
As she watches the warmness of the close relationships
she wonders where her happiness lies.
Then, as on cue, another boy,
sheepishly grinning,
steps behind the watching girl
and wraps his arms around her.
She giggles,
happy to be in his warm grasp,
glad to have some contentment of her own.
High school is a insane place of joy and pain,
yet it an important step in life.
We cease to be merely children,
and begin our slow metamorphosis into adults.
Ready to make our chaotic world a better place.
Always searching for the serenity
that was found in the courtyard
on that tranquil November’s day.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Just agreeing with the previous post that this reads more like prose than poetry, but saying that it is still really good prose.
This reads more like prose than poetry, I think. But still, it's a good job.
I like how you ended your poem. Great descriptions and characterizations.
one line that seemed odd to me:
This girl looks like the shy type...?
Or This girl's the shy type
or This girl belongs to the shy type
That's my favourite part in your poem. I feel that's the whole message, the 'back bone' of your poem!
-icy
this is awesome, i actually put myself there. i have nothing negative to say. i have reread it a couple times. i love this.
kim
Hmm... well, I'm new to the reviewing thing but I'll give it a shot.
Nice job on the poem, I like the content. The rythm is a bit off for me, though. Like in some places you have lines with just one word while in other places you have strings of them, so it looks kind of choppy at times.