Published January 14, 2008
I tried to keep some sense of rhythem. Let me know if it works or not. Thanks.
Careening down a busy highway,
rear lights signal an entirety of intentions.
Those behind adjust their speed
anticipating impending turns.
How I wish you used traffic signals.
There I was, alone on this endless road,
pursuing with hasty advances.
I didn’t catch the turn,
I never saw it coming.
I should have seen it coming.
There you were, shouting words out your window.
Words lost to the breeze that flew past us
and rippled through your flawless hair.
Words whose formation I saw,
yet instantly became vacuous.
Perfectly carved words
charred by my fervor.
Caught in the hype of a high speed chase,
I never realized
it was my enthusiasm
I’d run away with,
not you.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,925 Literary Works • 673,745 Reviews
Well it looks like I have a ton of ambiguity here; I'll try and fix that. Thanks for the comments. I'll pm you guys to fill you in on the meaning, but I don't want to get everything away for those who are just now reading it. For now I'll just say it's less about the highway, and more about a sudden unforseen change.
I was a little bit hard to understand... but I think you were comparing him or his personality to a car/driver that was out of control? Sort of? That's my best guess. Loved some of your description in here, though. Just needed to be a bit clearer. Awesome poem!
I'm... not sure I know what's going on.
That could just be me, though. lol You had some nice description in there and I could follow your rhythm. I just didn't understand the meaning. I'll give it a second look and re-write this comment if I suddenly get it.
Nice work!
~Syd
It didn't get me I'm afraid. Just the whole idea.
~ Loz