It's not real... editing currently unfinished

xero123 wrote:I agree the punctuation needs tidying but the diary bits were indicated in a specified font, but unfourtunatley yws doesn't have that resource. Thanks for your tips and positive comments, there will be more shortly.

xero123 wrote:IT'S NOT REAL....
CHAPTER ONE
MODERN DRACULA
I have started to create a telepathic like close relationship with the evening bats that frequent the night sky, I have been pondering the mind-set of my father when he banished me from my parents’ home, he exclaimed “I was a disgrace to the church” with a vicious diction in his voice, he told me I was born at 3 o'clock which is said to be the devils hour to mock the holy trinity. I'm not like other people I have a compulsion for raw meat. My teeth are rapier like.

I agree the punctuation needs tidying but the diary bits were indicated in a specified font, but unfourtunatley yws doesn't have that resource. Thanks for your tips and positive comments, there will be more shortly.

xero123 wrote:IT'S NOT REAL....
CHAPTER ONE
MODERN DRACULA
I have started to create a telepathic like close relationship with the evening bats that frequent the night sky, I have been pondering the mind-set of my father when he banished me from my parents’ home, he exclaimed “I was a disgrace to the church” with a vicious diction in his voice, he told me I was born at 3 o'clock which is said to be the devil#FF0000 ">'s hour to mock the holy trinity. I'm not like other people I have a compulsion for raw meat. My teeth are rapier like.#FF0000 ">I like that one.

That was then, but Wesley had matured and now was a fully fledged vampire. That term was not strictly true when it came to Wesley Bates existence, he was a hybrid vampire who could expose himself to light and was devilishly clever and incredibly erratic behaviour made a highly volatile personality. His smart appearance and articulate conversation made him a deceivingly charming character on the surface, but on the inside he was unstable, and on the look out for blood, driven by a murderous conviction.
“So what do you do then#FF0000 ">, Wesley?” He swept back his sleek black hair even further as his mind cogs wired#FF0000 ">, trying to think of an answer to the question.
“I'm a butcher.” His syrupy tones clothed the ears of the blonde woman he was conversing with. “I'm thirsty do you want to come back to my house to have a little drink.” he said with a sinister hint in his voice.
“Okay.” agreed the unwitting woman. Back at his humble lodgings, he was about to pounce and quench his lust for blood. She took a sip of her white wine, Wesley took his chance. He sunk his razor sharp fangs into the side of the woman's neck, and gulped the blood down his gullet. He then proceeded to rip out her vocal cords and placed them in a blender and drank them. He began to wash his hands at the basin.
Killing isn't as hard as I thought, the blender needs a wash, rinsed my hands of the blood (almost out of soap!) I had to kill her quickly or else I fear she may have drank all my wine. Got to go now diary going to dismember/dispose of body.

Wesley chopped her head off, mashed her brain up#FF0000 ">, and drank it through her nose with a straw.
And then drew a Hitler moustache in black marker pen in the usual place. He then cut out her tongue and put it in the fridge to fry later.
Just finished up dismembering the body (under the floorboards) May treat myself to her tongue tomorrow for breakfast, must sign off now, got work in the morning.
Halfway through the morning and his apron was already covered in blood spatter. “Bates get scrubbing that cow tongue!” bellowed Mulligan his boss.
“Can't Jay do it?” replied Wesley.
“No#FF0000 ">, Jay's your superior and he wants you to do it!”Ordered Mulligan.
“Since when was this ruling passed? He's seventeen years old#FF0000 ">. #FF0000 ">How on earth can he be my superior at best we#FF0000 ">'re at the same position#FF0000 ">,” Retorted Wesley.
“Do it and stop moaning!” Bellowed Mulligan. As the blood clotted saliva curdled on his gloves Wesley began to devise a fiendish plan that would eradicate all his work related stresses. At the end of his shift Wesley approached his boss and asked: “Would you and your wife do me the good grace of coming over for dinner tonight? I felt a lot of tension between us lately and I'd just like to clear the air, so what do you say?”

“Go on then. Thank you#FF0000 ">,” agreed Mulligan. #FF0000 ">Commas after dialogue when it says something like, "he said, she said, he pondered, she agreed." A period is for when there is action instead of "said" or something like that

All spruced up and with the meal almost ready, Wesley began to settle Mulligan and his wife #FF0000 ">,Judy#FF0000 ">, in. The oven began to beep and the table was set, so the guests sat down along with Wesley, they all began to eat the pasta in front of them. The main course was a smash hit.
“Pudding?” enquired Wesley. They agreed unanimously, little did Judy and Mulligan know their deserts were drugged. #FF0000 ">Fifteen (it's best to spell out numbers like this.) minuets into the final course the Mulligans fell asleep in their food. Wesley began the next stage of his plot by drinking their blood. The gnawing at their necks made an easy gateway for the blood to flow down Wesley's throat. He got out his butchery tools to dismember the bodies.
He's finished no more nagging, no more bossing about. Must go now (butchering bodies)
He chopped the bodies up to make them look like slaughtered animals at a butchers shop , employing some of his anatomical knowledge.
He went into work that morning with his head held high carrying bags of the Mulligans remains. Jay piped up from behind the meat counter, “have you seen the boss?” Wesley tried to hide his grins and replied, “#FF0000 ">No#FF0000 ">, afraid not.”
Wesley went into the back room where he mashed up the remains and put them through the sausage machine, they came out looking like prime pork sausages so #FF0000 ">no one could detect the horrifying secret. Wesley placed the human sausages on show at the front of the meat counter. A small unassuming elderly woman wearing a scarf came into the shop and asked#FF0000 ">, “#FF0000 ">Please#FF0000 ">, could I have those sausages#FF0000 ">?” she pointed unknowingly to the human ones, Wesley handed them over with a smirk, he wished her a good day as she closed the door behind her.
Jay#FF0000 ">'s next.