Love in despair.

Hey, it's Serrurie, here to leave a review! Let's dive in:

The Good Stuff
- I like the repetition in this poem. It provides intensity and emotion. (And the word 'vain' makes it feel like it's from the Psalms a bit)
- Your writing style feels vintage but timeless
- The second part of the poem isn't dark, but feels hopeful

Room For Improvement
- I can't find anything to improve with this. You have wonderful grammar and a good handle on emotion! Happy writing, and have a blessed day

Serrurie

Hey friend <33 This poem was short, but I love the simple messages you convey. You have a really unique and distinct speaking voice as well. It sounds older and fancier, almost as if you are speaking in older English.

You speak of love and state that it is vain unless it finds security, provides tranquillity, sought in restrain. I noticed that you used a rhyming scheme as well! This line confused me a bit:

Such with it is the love which do all the pain,

Forms shade of peace an embrace so true,
In its presence heart finds what's due.

Hello! Your poem, "Vain is the love," reflects a deep exploration of love's complexities and the yearning for security and tranquility within it.

You start by asserting that love becomes futile when it lacks security. This sets a poignant tone, highlighting the necessity for a stable foundation in relationships.

The phrase "fails to provide tranquility" further emphasizes the importance of emotional peace and calmness in a loving relationship. It suggests that without this tranquility, love struggles to fulfill its purpose.

The line "sought asylum in restrain" suggests a struggle with boundaries or limitations within love, perhaps hinting at the tension between freedom and commitment.

You express that love can be painful when it fails to bring relief or when it becomes oppressive ("tyranny"). This contrasts sharply with the ideal of love as a source of comfort and solace.

Despite these challenges, you affirm that love, when genuine and nurturing, brings a profound sense of peace and true connection. It's depicted as an embrace that heals and satisfies the heart's deepest needs.

Overall, your poem delves into the dichotomy of love: its potential for both pain and profound fulfillment. It invites readers to reflect on their own experiences with love's complexities and the quest for emotional harmony within relationships. Keep exploring these themes—it resonates deeply and offers a contemplative view on the nature of love.

I appreciate a variety of poetry, especially ones like this. I adore the repetition in vain; portraying love can be done in a variety of ways, and I enjoy seeing what the authors mean. However, I occasionally love when authors allow readers to interpret the poetry in their own way. How I feel about this poetry, and this is my personal perspective given how open it is to everyone's thoughts. I think it's quite straightforward, however some words must be said to one another. Love can be in vain, or it can be love. Love can be soothing and gentle. Sometimes that doesn't always appear to be love; love is frequently ineffective. Attempting to hang onto something unhealthy, or something with more control and possession. Our hearts discover unusual individuals to adore—some who offer us "the love that does all the pain," and others who give us something comforting. My words make sense to me in what I'm trying to express, but they may not make sense to anyone else, so I'll cut this short.


It's a fantastic poem, and we should share it more widely. Especially to younger people.

Hello there! I’m here to leave a review of your work. Thank you for posting, now let’s get into it!

What stood out to me:
I like the shortness of the poem and how the long lines make up for the length of the poem!

Similar to what Valkyria said, I enjoy the poem beginning in a somber tone yet ending on a slightly uplifted tone, which shows an arc in the poem from beginning to end instead of being stagnant in one singular emotion. It shows the difference between vanity and love, and I think including “Vanity” in the title of the poem would perhaps show readers a glimpse of the poem itself. However, the title “Love in despair.” fits well within the context of the poem and doesn’t need to be changed at all.

Critiques or suggestions:
While reading this poem aloud, I found the flow to be disrupted in a few lines, 2 in particular. Lines 4 and 6 didn’t seem to match the flow of the language from their surrounding lines; especially since line 6 breaks up the rhyme. In terms of content, I think both lines are well done, but can be well-written to improve the overall flow of the poem.

Wrap-up:
Overall, xenonr, even though this is your first poem published on YWS, it is clear you have a talent for writing poetry by the way you put emotions and concepts surrounding love on the page.

Keep writing and I hope to read more work from you!
- Fleur

Hello hello I hope you don't mind me popping in a quick review. Firstly I would like to say welcome to yws! Don't hesitate to ask if you need anything. We don't bite. With that being said, let's into the review, shall we?

Overall, I enjoyed this poem it tells a complete narrative in such a small amount of lines. Do keep in mind for writers like me who love their imagery. This can be a hard feat, so props to you! The themes are very true and show that relationships are a lot of work. Both parties need to grow and communicate as it as can easily boil over into something that can ruin the romance.

Forgive me for my lacklustre first impressions. I am a bit tired as I write this. Now For feedback, I have nothing to say in this regard. I did check to make sure you used the right bear as that's the only thing I was going to say. You did use the right one don't worry.

Once again welcome I hope you enjoy your time here. Keep writing and drink water!

Hi xenonr, I'm Valkyria! Welcome to YWS! I'm here to give your poem a little review.

I think this poem conveys an intriguing take on love in 8 lines. It starts out on a somber note, but it ends on something more inspiring. It's a clever juxtaposition from the first stanza. I agree with Kate that this is a powerful poem. It flows well; there's nice rhythm. I also like the repetition of "Vain" in the first three lines. It conveys how lost someone can be when they have love without the peace. It's a powerful message of true love.

I enjoyed reading this! I look forward to reading more of your work!

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm Kate and I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to: Kate's Line by Line Reactions;

Well this is quite the intriguing little poem here. I think you do a great bringing up a very interesting take on love there, really delving into the ideas around it and bringing about this almost damning note on how love can sometimes be there. Its quite a powerful little poem.

The repetition of vain at the start I think is beautiful in reinforcing exactly how this love is and how it is going to make you feel in the end. Its a beautiful touch in how despairing love can be if its not giving you peace or security. I think that fourth line needs a little rewording because right now it doesn't fully make sense but I think you're trying to say all of this leads to pain which does work very well with the general message there.

I really like how that second stanza then transforms into almost a little guide of what you should expect from love and how it is vastly different from the despair showcased in the first stanza. I think those last lines are especially powerful in that regard showcasing how true love comforts you and just naturally settles in your heart.

Aaand that's it for this oneee!!!

As always remember to: Take what you think was helpful and forget the rest!