Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language and mature content.
Cyberpunkers ballade
Jumping around the pound,
Having incredible fun.
Massive skyscrapers above,
Replace for you hills and peaks.
Wild kids robbing the store,
Stolen police cars, drug addicts path.
I walk down the street,Tons of mankind.
Being a citizen of cyber metropolis,
Gunshots and fire,Screaming and laughing.
Neon lightning and lighting from lighter,
The city like diamond,Clear and pure,
Full of a bullshit like those people with you.
Drinking pedestrians, hookers and brothels,
Calling for you to set aside troubles.
I am sure that one day,You will come to me,
Survivor of reality,Survivor of city.
I know you are special,And that's why I love,
I love you so much,As much as I could.
Dreamers
Like angels, divine,
They fly across our minds,
All in neon, sparkling and blinging,
They bring us the dreams,
Dreams of the past, present, and future.
So graceful, so naive,
Dreamers they are called,
Bringing joy to us all.
Metropolis
Somewhere in the darkness,
Somewhere far away,
Flashing lights,
Loud sounds,
Cars rushing streets.
Metropolis never falls asleep
Kindness is not known here
Virtue isn't a king
But memories rule the city
They rule people's minds
Making them wild
Making them kind
Oh, beautiful city
Beyond the borders of grace
Cyber fisherman's bay
Boats are bouncing on a wave.
Old fisherman is climbing in his motorboat,
using his digital equipment.
He sets off from the shore,
leaving the bay behind.
Crossing the neon water,
leaving the toxic city behind.
He reaches the sea's center, drops a net, and waits,
like a little girl waiting for her father to come back.
Leaving Free State
I left you there, won't come back
Leaving my freedom, leaving my life
Hooked on a high, a beautiful lie
Cyber lifestyle, not in a free state
I told you I loved you so many times
But you wouldn't reply with sympathy
Like a roller coaster, you tested me
Like a rat, I'm so fed up with your attitude
I'm packing my suitcase, taking a fast train
Leaving the Free State,
Goodbye motherland
Past memo
As the sun stays above the horizon,
Children race home from school.
I used to hold your hand,
We walked together through the colorful streets of the city,
Making plans and dreaming of a bright future.
But those days are gone now,
Circumstances have changed our minds.
I long for those times, and I suspect you do too,
When we were carefree and young,
When we were invincible.
Cyberpunk brothel
In a city of neon and chrome,
Where the streets are alive with drones,
There is a place where secrets are sold,
A cyberpunk brothel, dark and cold.
Where the working girls are wired and sleek,
Their bodies augmented, their eyes unique,
They cater to the lusts and desires,
Of the hackers and corps who fan the fires.
In rooms of holographic delight,
The men find pleasure, day and night,
But beware, for there is danger here,
In this den of vice and sin, so clear.
For in this world of virtual dreams,
Where nothing is as it seems,
The lines between reality and art,
Are blurred and twisted, right from the start.
So if you seek to lose yourself,
In the thrall of the cyberpunk brothel,
Just be aware of the cost you'll pay,
For in this world, you may not escape.
Jezebel
Jezebel, in the city of neon lights
Where the streets are ruled by corporate might
She wanders, lost and all alone
In a world that's far from her home
The city is a cold and bitter place
With danger lurking in every space
Jezebel's been scarred by what she's seen
Living in this cyberpunk dream
She's haunted by the past that's dead
And by the love she's never had
She's trapped in a cycle of endless pain
With no one to ease her endless strain
The neon signs that light the night
Are like a beacon in the fight
For something real, something true
But all they bring is darkness, too
Jezebel longs for human touch
But in this world, that's asking too much
She's just a ghost in a machine
Trapped in a city's deadly routine
But still she fights, with all her might
To hold on to what is right
In a world where nothing is as it seems
Jezebel's spirit still gleams
She'll find a way, to break the chains
And rise above the cyberpunk pains
She'll find a way, to break the chains
And rise above the cyberpunk pains
and reach for the stars with all her might.
Neon Empire
No money rules the world here
A kingdom built on greed, where the rich never tire
They sit upon their thrones, with power in their hands
Their subjects live in poverty, in the neon-lit lands
The streets are lined with screens, flashing bright and bold
Advertising the luxuries, that the poor can never hold
While the elite live in splendor, the masses struggle on
Their dreams of wealth, forever gone
The city hums with energy, a symphony of noise
But beneath the surface, there is a different voice
The voice of those who've lost, in this capitalist game
They cry out for justice, but their cries go in vain
But there is still hope, in the hearts of the oppressed
They rise up against their rulers, in a final test
They fight for a future, where no money rules the world
A neon empire, where all are equal, the poor and the pearl.
Where the bright neon signs, no longer blinds
And the screams of discontent, no longer confined
A world where the Neon Empire, shines a light on equality
And the people, they are truly free.
Guests from the Future
Stars above are shining bright
Gazing down upon the city at night
Desire in our hearts is stirring
To leave our worries and go exploring
Like angels from the future they seem
Chrome and neon, a dazzling dream
Guests from another time and place
Welcome to our world, feel at home in this space
Make yourself at ease
You are always welcome here
Come and join our neon dreams
And tell us your deepest secrets, without fear
We will keep them safe and sound
From virtual eyes and ears around
Promise to keep them secure
For you, our valued guest, we will always ensure.
{Stars are looking down
Watching the city above
Desire is tempting in heart
To come down and have some fun
They are future angels
Virtue of chrome
Guests from the future
Welcome home
Feel yourself home
You are so welcome
Come join our world
Full of neon
Tell us your secrets!
What do you hide?
What kind of pride,
Can you have?
We sure will keep them
From virtual eyes
Ears and mouths
Promise we must}
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
hey I am here for the review.
so I like the concept of the poem describing different part of cyberpunk city and life in each section of poem , I suggest you add some dash or dot something that can separate parts, it makes the reading easy and doesn't bore or confuse the reader with long continuous sections.
I like the simple , direct style of describing with imagery , I cannot give in-depth review of the whole cause its damn longs so the first two are already reviewed so I will start with 3rd
..
3rd METROPOLIS -
love this line
Metropolis never falls asleep
Kindness is not known here
Virtue isn't a king
good lines describing the busy life and mentality of this place, though I am not sure what the words memories meant in this .like what type of memories , I suppose some memory of past cruelty the metropolitan people have faced that make them wild and kind .
...
4th CYBER FISHERMAN'S BAY
''Crossing the neon water,'' nice imagery explanation of neon light falling on the water
''like a little girl waiting for her father to come back. '' love the simile
...
5th LEAVING FREE STATE
I suppose this is about a simulation life , "Hooked on a high, a beautiful lie " where you are kept high like a lab rat , but i don't get sympathy and attitude line , I am sorry i am just confused in this one last two felt like a glimpse of life in the part of the cyber punk city, this one also seems like a part of the place where life is of simulation but i am not sure .
..
6 th PAST MEMO OR THE GOODBYE MOTHERLAND
This part is the past memories of the speaker I suppose where life was simple and the speaker and people ( lover and friends ) were living normally and happily and now the times have changed. I like the fact you added this here it feels like a breath of fresh air in between the city life we were in before a good place where we can fully understand the just how nice the life before was :
"Circumstances have changed our minds.
I long for those times, and I suspect you do too,
When we were carefree and young,
When we were invincible."
these line nicely show us how the writers view is , the power they had before now they are just part of a cyber punk dystopia ,
.....
7 th CYBERPUNK BROTHEL
i love the description of futuristic brothel ,( Where the working girls are wired and sleek,
Their bodies augmented, their eyes unique,)
They cater to the lusts and desires,
Of the hackers and corps who fan the fires.
In rooms of holographic delight,
The men find pleasure, day and night,
But beware, for there is danger here,
In this den of vice and sin, so clear.
For in this world of virtual dreams,
i love the dystopia imagery of the brothel and the virtual dream part
The lines between reality and art ( I suppose you used art for the rhyming , it's good to rhyme but prioritize meaningful word over rhyming)
out of 5 the last brothel one was the best at putting the imagery of the place and describing what you wanted to describe
....
as a general comment I liked the variety you gave the concept was nice it was fresh to read something unique ,I just found a little inconsistency in writing Someplaces you are lacking Someplaces you are writing adequately , the rhyming is also inconsistent in Someplaces you have used very bland sentences
in general I liked it , it was fun to read
Hey there! Lim here with a review. Since you’ve posted 10 poems here, which is a lot to get through at once, I’ll only be able to review 2 in greater detail. I’ll give general comments for the whole thing as a set though, since they seem to be interconnected.
General Comments
I like the range of takes you’ve given on the “cyberpunk” theme. There are some poems that are more hopeful while others are more cynical; some poems are more focused on the individual while others consider the whole society. I felt like each poem was presenting something new.
From what I can tell, one of the themes of the poems is modernity. I find it interesting that you’ve chosen to rhyme the ends of lines in some of the poems (though not others). This sort of rhyme scheme, especially when the rhyme follows an AABB pattern, kind of makes the poem seem more ‘traditional’ even though the imagery is all about this futuristic world. The figures in the poems also often are wrestling with features of the modern world like city life, technology and consumerism.
I thought some of the poems sound better read aloud than others. At times the rhyme feels just a tad forced, for example in the 9th poem “Neon Empire”:
It tripped me up when reading because when I see the start of the phrase “the poor and . . . “ I expect to see an adjective after that, such as “the wealthy”, “the rich” or even, to continue this ‘pearl’ idea, “the luminescent”. So having a noun there kind of makes it seem like the word was chosen *just* for the sake of rhyming, if that makes sense. If you are able to avoid having such rhymes, it would make a rhymed poem flow a lot better in my opinion.
Another feature of the writing here is the unified imagery across all the poems. The shininess of the city is well-conveyed and the poems definitely feel like they’re all part of a set.
Now onto some more specific comments:
Cyberpunkers ballade – the first poem
In the title of the poem, the “ballade” seems to refer to a form of poetry that is old and considered pretty folksy or traditional, whereas “cyberpunk” is something futuristic. I noticed a theme of technology and perhaps urbanisation with how skyscrapers “replace” hills and mountains. The speaker ‘reveals’ themselves in the second half of the poem where the “I” is first used and I felt like it was suddenly revealed to me that the poem could also be about love or a particular relationship. So it was interesting looking back and seeing the “you” in the people having “incredible fun” or perhaps being a bit drowned in the crowd.
Something I liked was the rhythm in:
Each phrase (before the comma or ‘and’ and after) has five syllables, so even though the poem is free verse, it still has a distinct rhythm here. The rhythm also matches the words and imagery – gunshots, screaming, lightning are all things that sound fast, so the separation of the lines into shorter 5-syllable phrases when reading reflects that.
As for ideas to consider in revision, I thought there were points where the sudden change in the length of lines or number of syllables was a bit awkward or didn’t match the flow.
For example:
The lines before this one were a series of 9-syllable lines, so I’m not sure why this one is 13 syllables. It also felt a bit hard to read aloud and I wasn’t sure how to fit it into the rest of the poem. If it’s supposed to talk about the “you”, that’s not very clear, and if it’s supposed to refer to the various figures who are jumping around, robbing stores, etc. it feels a bit redundant since I’d assume they’re *all* citizens of the metropolis here.
As a side note, I’m not sure what’s the meaning of the irregular capitalization. Some phrases separated by commas have capital letters but some don’t – if I take it to be emphasis, then the emphasis happens at awkward places like “AS much as I could”.
Dreamers – the second poem
My first impression of this poem is that the shape forms a curve, which looks kind of gentle and graceful. That seems to match the content which describes dreamers as being “like angels”. I interpret this poem as being about desire, and perhaps a positive depiction of desire, since the “dreamers” seem to know what real “joy” is and bring it to humanity. The way the poem describes the title kind of reminds me of a cinquain poem, even though this mostly seems to be free verse.
Something I like is that the line lengths are somewhat symmetrical. They start out short, then grow long, then grow short again, which reflects the poem’s description of the dreamers: it expands, then it concludes on a short and sweet note that the dreamers ‘bring joy’.
Some ideas for polishing the poem would be maybe to remove / replace the line “Dreamers they are called,” because readers can infer from the title that it is the dreamers that are being described. It would also be nice to see more development of the angels + technology motif. I thought the image of angels dressed in neon was interesting, but I couldn’t quite picture it since it was glanced over pretty quickly.
Overall
This series of poems show an interesting and unified look into a cyberpunk setting while also exploring poetic themes like human desire, urbanisation and social inequality. Like the other reviewer, I think it would be nice to have more of a visual separation between poems, such as bolding the poem titles. It’s also much more common on this site to post one poem at a time (as in, per literary work).
Hope this helps – and keep writing!
-Lim
Hello! I enjoyed reading through all these poems. It was a bit hard to tell where a poem ended and began, but I saw the titles in between so it was fine!
Firstly, I love the theme of cyberpunk (and the somewhat dystopian theme you did as well). I think there’s a lot of things to uncover with the topic.
My favorite poem was Jezebel. The way it was written allowed me to really tune into the character’s experiences. I especially love the line, “where the streets are ruled by corporate might”. It reminds me of many shows I’ve seen about government/authority corruption, and incorporating that with the description of neon lights as well as keeping the theme of cyberpunk in mind paints a really vivid image.
My second favorite was Metropolis. Again with the imagery! Even if you didn’t describe these poems as cyberpunk themed, it would be fairly easy for the reader to understand that with your wording; it’s just that lively. Metropolis makes me feel as if the cyberpunk world in which you’re describing is viewed from the outside inwards, almost like it’s in a snow globe. The reader is placed outside the scene and views several little glimpses of what life is like for those in the world. It’s not too much, and just enough to keep the reader intrigued in the flow of life in the world. My favorite line here would be,
“He sets off from the shore,
leaving the bay behind.
Crossing the neon water,
leaving the toxic city behind.”
It really pushes the idea home that a world of such huge technological advancements and digitalization isn’t so glamorous as it may seem to some. It connects really well to the other poems.
Overall, I really loved these poems and the themes. A suggestion would be to split the poems more clearly so it’s easier to read, because without your description it seems like one long piece. Still amazing nonetheless. I would also like to read more cyberpunk themed poems like Jezebel from you!
Have a good day/night, and happy writing!