Young Writers Society

Symbolic. I loved it.

I think the premise is good, but there are parts that could be better. What I really like:

-"You laid the words upon my lips"
Just plain lovely imagery ^_^

-"The curtains lift and the stage is shown;/My smile isn't mine"
I like the part about the smile because it's to the point, but doesn't drag on. Though maybe the sentiment of "my smile isn't mine" could be included additionally, briefly, in the first stanza where the making of the doll is discussed.


What could be improved:

-The first four lines don't seem to connect to the rest of the poem; it's almost like by being separate sentences, they disconnect from everything else. Maybe if you combined them into fewer lines? Maybe something like "You molded me into a dream,/from wood, not bone or skin/ a doll, an empty shell" (I'm not sure how one can be molded into a dream (especially from wood); I think that's something that can't be just a passing reference.)

-"You squeezed out the person/left only strained juice inside a glass" <-- this seemed... too complete, like too structured, compared to what's around it. Maybe you could put "squeezed" or something like it in another line (maybe in the part about being molded/made) and then move the part about strained juice with it so that everything which talks about being created is in one place, any everything discussing manipulation is in another.

-The last two lines seem almost too blatant. The reader should be able to gather from the first stanza that subject is a marionette (words like wood/doll/strings/painted face), so I don't think this last line is necessary. But I like how it finishes with something about the puppeteer. Expand on that, maybe. What overall effect does the puppeteer have on the existence of this doll? Everything in the poem seems to culminate to a performance of a puppet show; what roll does the puppeteer have in this (in terms of the marionette, not so much in terms of the obvious)?

PM me if you have any questions ^_^
-Amelia

Well, that was really good.


I was kind of picturing this to have a deeper meaning. Like, someone is turning you into something you're not, but that isn't how it ended. But I liked it anyway.

You squeezed out the person,
Left only strained juice inside a glass.


The last line doesn't really flow. You haven't used a sentence like this before. Anyway, other than that, this is good.

Keep going!

If you write another one about what I said up there ^^ PM me!

BBB