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Young Writers Society



Tears

by xXxAmyxXx


I blinked hard,
Trying to stop my sadness in its tracks.
I opened my eyes again,
But my sight clouded over.

It was too late,
Tears fell from my eyes.
They dropped like liquid crystal,
Gentle and warm on my cheek.

Why did it have to happen like this ?
She had so much to do, so many dreams.
I remembered the day when it happened,
She just slipped away...
:cry:

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32 Reviews

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Fri Mar 23, 2007 11:07 pm
shadowstorm says...



It's okay, but I think the words could carry more meaning. They feel kind of hollow. It jumps around a little, too, instead of flowing.




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Fri Mar 23, 2007 6:29 pm
xXxAmyxXx says...



That isn't part of the poem ( obviously ) i just felt like adding it.




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Fri Mar 23, 2007 6:10 pm
Emerson says...



Wasn't oh-so-bad. Some things a little cliche, like stopping something in its tracks and "liquid crystal".

But something major: take out the emoticon. It's poetry, we already get the sadness from the words.





You walk into this room at your own risk, because it leads to the future, not a future that will be but one that might be. This is not a new world, it is simply an extension of what began in the old one. It has patterned itself after every dictator who has ever planted the ripping imprint of a boot on the pages of history since the beginning of time. It has refinements, technological advances, and a more sophisticated approach to the destruction of human freedom. But like every one of the super states that preceded it, it has one iron rule: logic is an enemy and truth is a menace.
— Rod Serling