Our love

AWW!!!! this is so darn cute!!! and you definitely love your girlfriend!! it was not actually a poem but yeah very cute for a dedication. even without a rhyme it had pure love dripping from it.... i absolutely love the part where you say:

"you're my benediction
just like beryllium"

this particular just makes the thing more hilarious and also lovable at the same time. well maybe the only flaw in the the poem is it's shortness. sure it's shortness makes it cute but at the same time very vague also. but i see it's for your loved one so HATS OFF!!

Hi.

So, here goes my review:

Honestly, I do not know if love with happiness, cheer, and pride is rare. It's rather usual, I think. It feels forced too, with the choice of words. Nevertheless, it feels like an honest child saying it, so it's a plus in the romantic poetry area. Keep writing, Raven! I hope to read more of your works.

I clicked this poem because I'm a super big fan of love and romantic poems, haha. Your poem isn't what I expect it to be, its very rare but in those small amount of words you wrote I can definitely see more from it. I like reading poems like that instead of the long boring ones. Anyways good job and I bet your girlfriend loved this poem! It's great to have a significant other who expresses their feelings in literary works. Great job!

-Chinkstuhhh

That is sweet that you wrote this for your girlfriend not most people would do this and this is special and your deserve and HUGE pat on the back because i like how you compared things to you and your girlfriends love this is a very special person you are writing this for and see should see what you have wrote because it will make her feel happy special and feel as if she is the happiest girl in the world for a poem like this and maybe she will express her love back to you maybe by cooking you something or something like that i hope your love goes on forever because it is a rare love to find and get back.

uh This piece is quite confusing since there is no punctuation. The lines are not straight so this contributed with the confusion. Generally I could see where this poem was going but it didn't reach there. Its a bit short and it ended quickly. There might be potential for it. Keep writing!

Hello there! I've never reviewed a poem before, but I have to start sometime.
I love your title; and how 'our love' is repeated in the first and last lines of the poem.

One thing to watch out for is punctuation. Sometimes no punctuation can add, but in this case I think some commas and the like would be beneficial. Possibly: comma(or not) after the first line, definitely one for the second line, and on the third line you need a period. That's your first verse.
For the second verse You need a capital for 'we're' making it 'We're'. You need a comma at the end of this line, and at the end of the second, and another period at the end of this verse.
For the last verse after the first line you need maybe a semicolon, then a comma for the second line and a period for the last line. It seems as though each verse is one sentence or thought, which is really sweet good job.

Your first verse is: ' Our love is red roses
blossoming in the spring
full of happiness

Looking at this, I think that the 'red roses' should be singular, changed to 'a red rose', because love is singular. Of course, it doesn't change much of the structure or anything and it's fine if you have a specific reason for making it plural, but otherwise it would flow more nicely as a singular noun. I like how you describe your love as 'blossoming'; it reveals that it is still growing, getting deeper. The phrase 'in the spring' is like limiting your love to one season, but I see what your getting at in that roses of course bloom in the spring. However, since the sun is constant maybe change it to 'blossoming in the sun' because your love is constant.

Your second verse reads: we're a gavotte
cheerful and proud
hands together in the rain

You are describing your love as a French dance. Not sure what you're trying to say with this, but it's your love so if it makes sense to you then that's just dandy. Next line is good, description is pleasant. I love the third line, 'hands together' expresses unity.

Last verse:you're my benediction
just like beryllium
our love is rare

Hmm interesting description again. A 'benediction' can be defined in different ways, and I'm not sure which one you're going for here. Maybe a testimony or covenant, or life's desire or what ever. Just, benediction isn't quite what your poem needs. I like how the last two lines go together though, very nice.

Over all, good poem. So, yep, keep writing!

Hey there raven! Okay, so I will forewarn that I am a very picky poet, particularly when it comes to the nuances of love poems. They are done with such frequency that you really have to make it your own - after all, you're utilizing a subject that has been contemplated by every great poet known to man. It has to be something different if it's to even come off as being decent.

First, nix the cliches. Get rid of roses, rain, etc. if you can possibly manage. Find a consistent thematic element that really stands out in your relationship and use that as the spine of your poem...For example, when I write poems about someone I like/love, I try to cram in a few inside jokes, a secret here, a confession there...make it personal.

That being said, if I got this poem from a guy, I would be beyond flattered...not to mention impressed by your handle on such a large vocabulary (and the beryllium reference? Come on. Nerds are sexy and you clearly know it).

But in all seriousness, this wasn't half-bad. You just lack concept. Find a single underlying idea and run with it.

Keep writing, and best wishes!

this poem is short but not sweet. ur first line left a very bad impression. revise ur work and re-submit it.

ur vocab part is nice in this poem. but u have to work on the connectivity. the lines are not very well connected. one more thing that i wanna say that ur poem leaves an impression of incompleteness in the last. i felt like there's more to go but i was disappointed when i saw only three stanzas and 9 lines. albeit i don't have any problem with the size of ur poem, the main problem is loose connections and feeling of incompleteness in the poem.


at last i wanna conclude with one advice that "write good and submit good" .