After Words: Chpt 1 (Ania) part 1

Ah, color me curious...simple and intriguing, I liked this piece. Keep writing!

I'm kinda confused. I don't really get the point.....

I loved this, and im REALLY curious. i see that you posted it in April are you going to continue it? Please do!

I don't have much to say since everyone else said what it had to be changed and revised. All I will say is story wise it is good. Got to me as I started to read and made me confused in the good way when you want to find out more of what is going to come, and where are they now.
Keep writing and listening to the people that advised you so good ^^

Hi Nutty!!

Just randomly found this, saw it was from you, and clicked! GO INTERNET!

ok:

I like this! Its very suspensful and I get the feeling that Sam is that nice character you love but is incredibly misunderstood and you will wind up standing up on the top of your bed screaming to Ania that hes the good guy and threatening to kill her if she doesn't see it soon....or is that just me?

*shrugs* Wouldn't be the first time, anyway, I saw a few spelling errors but I like JUST saw your comment below and I took my mouse away from the "quote" button

So again! Awesome job!!

Keep up the good work Nutty!

-Irish

Music:

I just re-read your review and actuallt got it this time XD ignore that, but anyway, VERy good advice, although I'm afraid my spell checkey thingy has been acting weird and won't actually work. try to ignore the typoes - after all, this is just (one of) the very first draft(s)!!!

and as for the jim/sam thing, Jim is the 'leader', but it's Sam who she actually has....some...emotion towards....OK, it's really hard to keep the beginning confusing (cause it's sposed to be!) and not give everything away. Ok, fine....

SPOILER BELOW!!!!

sheactuallydoeslikesamandhefindsouthelikesherbutthenjattheyshowsupandmesseseverythingupandsamgoesslightlyinsane/depressed!!!

there, I gave stuff away.

Thank you guys SOSOSOSOSOSO much!!! I'm glad you guys like it - i'll try to post more parts, but you know how the last semester of school is. I'll try to find more time, but I usually only have time on the weekends. I'll try to get edited versions up, too. Thank you guys so much! <3 <3 loves!

I Really loved your story, it was great. The only thing that i would really change is more Description about your characters and maybe a little of what going on.

This is extremly good!!!!!!!

I'm not even joking!!!

(Not that I would in the first place, but you get my point)

I really like this part

Newcomer."

The word was whispered around me. Where was I? Why wasn't I at the mall? Then I remembered. Jim. Sam. Falling.


God.


I spun around, trying to see if I could recognize any part of this strange city, any of these people. I failed. I was in a strange place, with strange people. I should've had injuries, but I felt fine, and I had no idea how I got here.


Then he appeared.

Hey =]

I'm back to review this part for ya'

Nit-piks first;

"Get off me!" I screamed, trying to wriggle out of the iron grasp of Jim. He just laughed. - I'd maybe add in how Jim looked. You say that he laughed, but we have no idea how he laughed. Was it happily? Maliciously? Psychotically? An example; 'He just laughed. A malicious grin appearing on his thin lips.' Or 'He laughed Maliciously'

Where was I? Why wasn't I at the mall? Then I remembered. Jim. Sam. Falling.
God. - As this is her thoughts, I'd put it into italics.

Suddenly an old woman appeared in front of me. - I'd add in some description here. What did she look like? Grey hair, glasses, wrinkles? Small snippets of description helps the reader to picture what is happening more clearly.

Overall;

This story is still intriguing me and I really want to find out what happens next. Are they dead or just dazed? And who are the old people lol

Can you PM me when you post the next part, please?

xDudettex

Ooh! Just reviewed the intro and was wondering when you were going to post the first chapter. Then I look, and here it is! Woo! Haha.


Grammar:

I felt their sweaty hands on my ankles, saw the group of guys below me, distracted by big-chested girls in skimpy outfits. Disgusting. And then I didn't feel anything holding on to me, only the air catching my breath away as I fell. Suddenly, instead of looking at the ground rushing towards me, I was looking up. Up into Sam's yellow-green eyes. And I looked deep into those eyes until pain swept over me with such force that I lost hold of myself.
Question: It seems as if the boy telling Sam to get the phone was a bit of a "leader", if I may, of the group. Is that Jim? And if so, wouldn't she be staring at Jim? Or was it Sam's idea? I'm not sure if I necessarily want an explanation, I'm just saying.

I woke up to find myself laying in the middle of a wet road. I looked up [s]to see[/s]and saw rain pouring from an ink black sky. I slowly stood, confused by my surroundings. I was in the middle of a small city, people frozen in [s]akward[/s]awkward positions.

All I could remember where her eyes, staring up at me, and then I was standing next to her, looking into those bottomless, brown eyes. "Ania?" I asked uncertain[s]t[/s]ly.

I looked up and saw [s]she had[/s] a [s]surrised[/s]surprised look on her delicate face.

God! I thought. How could he be here? And where was I?!

I kept on running, confu[s]s[/s]sed and shocked faces surrounding me. I pushed on, block after block[s],[/s] as his voice [s]starting[/s] started to fade behind me.

Suddenly, an old woman appeared in front of me. "Move!" I growled at her. She just grabbed my arm with unexpected [s]stranght[/s]strength and dragged me into a small, dark building.

"Let go!" He grunted. "She's getting away! Let [s]GO[/s] go!"

He stopped when he saw me.