Published November 13, 2010
Mom used to tell me what it was like before the end of the world. She herself had been there before the war had broken out. Back when the world was green and the air was closer to clean. Back when people were plentiful and lived all over the land in big cites. Before the water became toxic and the land sparse and unfriendly. Before the sun shone so fiercely it charred flesh in minutes. Before the rain melted flesh. Before it was painful to survive.
For the longest time, I wished I could have seen and lived it this world. To walk down the streets of a large city with the smells of food, and society filling my lungs with each breath. To listen to the cars as they went by honking their horns. To meet many new people and make friends. To live in a home I could call my own. To feel the grass beneath my bare feet. To play in the crystal clear water. To live with my mother until both of us died in happy contentment.
This dream ended however, when Mom was killed by a long feral mutt as she left to find us something to eat.I'd watched from the second-story balcony of a long abandoned hotel, as she was ripped to bloody shreds with its claws and teeth. I heard her screams and watched the dust the two stirred up float lazily up to join the normal red haze over the earth.
I learned how truely cruel the land was in my eightenth year of life. How an innocent woman, could be murdered by a wild dog, and no one but her daughter would know she even existed. I vowwed on that day as I sat next to the bloody spot where her body had been, I would never perish in that way!
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140,900 Literary Works • 673,706 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well..this one is very clearly talking about some sort of post apocalyptic world here...or at least a dystopia where things have really gone horribly wrong in multiple places. Either way, this is a really catchy starting point here, cause we can immediately tell that some pretty fundamental things in regular human society has been overruled by whatever catastrophe is responsible for all of this. It makes for a powerful message to start on there, and with the it all being told in the perspective of a child that looks to have been born after whatever caused this had happened makes it all the more powerful there.
Well that ended up being a lot more tragic than I was expecting it to be but it does manage to round of the already terrible image of the place created in our heads by this point. To see this person lose their mother in such a horrifying way at this relatively young age introduces another dimension of motivation for what may happen in the story itself and does manage to showcase a bit more about the unforgiving nature of the world they're in. All in all, I think this is pretty well done here. I'm certainly interested enough to want to read more.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Thanks! I know it's short, but all in all, isn't a preface supposed to be?
This is an exquisite piece of writing!
Keep writing..definately! You have talent!
Nothing to fix.. except the word 'vowwed'. It only has one w.
*Tay*