The Angel Sacrifice (Prologue)

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: So..this makes for a pretty fun prologue here. It had a really good continued sense of mystery right throughout and that's definitely something you love to see in a prologue and I think in general its a bit of a more unique idea that most things I've run into before.

Anyway let's get right to it,

The subtle glow of a single candle lit the room. Black drapes hung across the walls, concealing the door and enclosing the occupants. Bottles of incense were positioned around the floor, creating a smokey hue that clouded the vision and burned the lungs. A small table sat in the centre, swathed in a dark cloth. Two figures, both hidden beneath thick cloaks, sat on either side.

"Why aren't you doing anything? Do as I ask." The first figure snapped. "Do as I ask!"

"Do not be impatient, Young One. I wanted you to be aware of the consequences before we begin." The second figure spoke with caution. His gravely voice sounded loud in the small room. "When used by someone like me, Tarot cards unleash a great power that will be seen by the powers above. They shall know what you have asked and what the answer was. I cannot promise you that they will not interfere with your plans."

The first figure laughed with a powerful air. "Do not worry yourself with trivial things. I have high faith that the powers above will not bother me. Continue your task."

The second figure hesitated, then reached into his cloak and removed a deck of cards. Minutes passed by in silence as he shuffled them with judicious movements. Selecting three cards from the deck, he arranged in a neat line. Each card was in accurate alignment with the others. He placed the remaining cards back in the folds of his cloak.

"This is the 'Three Card Method'. It is used to answer a specific question, by showing the past, the present and the future." He reached out a gloved hand and turned over the first card. It depicted a proud man, adorned in a warrior's outfit. He stood on top of a golden chariot. Two white horses, dressed in fine cloth, pulled the chariot along a sandy path.

The second figure studied the card closely before speaking. "The Chariot, in its upright position, symbolises that you have fought many battles in your past. Difficult odds have been overcome for you to have succeeded so far. The Chariot is describing your past, so it is hard to know whether this will continue. However, from what you have told me, I would say that your battles are far from over."

He reached out again and turned over the second card. This card showed a travelling man, with a stick to carry his bag in one hand and a stick to walk along with in the other. A brown dog yapped at his heels. He faced outwards, a dumb grin spread across his face.

"The Fool, also in its upright position. This card shows that a new beginning has arrived. You are full of fresh faced optimism about your future endeavours. But be warned, Young One. The Fool also depicts naivety and if you are not careful then your own carelessness will be your downfall."

The first figure nodded. "I am being as careful as I can be. I cannot afford to fail. But do go on," he gestures to the last card, "what does my future hold?"

The second figure turned over the last card. "The Page of Swords, in its reversed position." The card portrayed a well dressed man. A large sword was grasped in his left hand and a dagger was stuck in his belt. "This card is not a good omen. There are hidden dangers that await you. You must be wary of them at all times if you wish to avoid them. Enemies are close by, but with the right handling they can be overcome."

"Enemies?" The first figure mused. He rested his elbows on the table and laced his fingers together in front of his hood. "Can you tell me anything about these enemies? I would like to be aware of who it is that I need to defeat."

The second figure shook his head. "I cannot tell you exactly who the card is reffering to. Even that is beyond the card's power. ButI can tell you this: the Page of Swords is often said to be a young person of either gender, who has dark hair and penetrating eyes. It is also said that they have pale skin, like the rest of the Sword Court cards, and sharp features. Maybe you will face someone of a similar description?" He picked up the cards and replaced them in the deck. "I'm sorry I cannot be of anymore help to you."

"You have been as helpful as you could be and for that I am very grateful." The two men stood up together and shook hands firmly.

"Shall we return to the study and work out a paymeny?" The second figure said as he removed the drape that covered the door.

"Oh, I won't be paying for this service." The first figure said and pulled out a handgun from his cloak. A silencer had been added to muffle the noise. He aimed and fired before the second figure had a chance to turn around again. His body hit the floor with a dull thud. "So sorry, but I can't have you telling anyone about me. That would ruin my plans."

After removing any evidence that he had been at the house, he left with an intense determination to kill the pale skinned person who threatened to intervene.

Hey,

It looks promising but you I think you need to work on this a bit. It looks amateurish.

First, Don't refer to people as first figure, second figure over and over. It looks very trite.
You could say something like "the the man in the hooded cloak looked deeply at the cards"
Instead of the second figure, you could say the Tarot reader or the seer or the sibyl. There are many words for the person who does that. There should be variety in language usage.

Usually, Tarot readers are females, it adds to the air of mystery. Research about it.
Work on the descriptions.
Improve your style.

"When used by someone like me, Tarot cards unleash a great power that will be seen by the powers above."
Sentences like these sound very dry. They look dull and very strained. Always count on the active voice, it can do wonders.
"I can unleash the mystique power of the Tarot, the power that shall be seen by the Powers above."
Can you see the difference?


The way you are describing the cards and their meanings is very quotidian.
You should try some difference, for all the three cards you go about the same approach.
Describing the card and describing the meaning. It's not very interesting. Try something like this.

"The man looked down at the card, he heard the seer mention it as the Page of Swords, he could see the glint of animosity in the Page's portrayed eye. The sharp sword he held reminded him, of the battles he fought and the lives he took. .."
On those lines, give insights about your "first figure" since he seems to be an important one.

You have to work on the dialogues too. There seems to be no life in them.


"Shall we return to the study and work out a paymeny?" The second figure said as he removed the drape that covered the door.

"Oh, I won't be paying for this service."

It could be more dramatic, like this:

"Shall we return to the study?" The Sybil asked his voice vibrating anxiously. "The Payment?"
He uttered the last word almost in a whisper as he removed the drape that covered the door.

A smile crept on his seeker's face. The Sybil did not like the look his eyes held. Shivers ran down his spine suddenly when he saw it.
"I won't be paying you this time," so saying he released the handgun he held, driving a shot straight into the heart of the unfortunate soothsayer in front him...


I hope you take this criticism in the good sense. And that you find something useful in this. ^_^