Vieille Âme, Jeune Coeur

1.

In Spain,
I favoured white
to make up for
bloodstained hands.

And on a day
spent in high heels;
I made my way
down a marble staircase
to meet the man who would
leave me speechless
as his bullet hit my lungs.

2.

In Montreal,
I spent a lifetime being
"the other woman."
I never felt shame
as I loved him more intensely
than any man I’ve ever known.

Over the years,
we left hotel rooms
scattered with:
books of poetry,
scribbled love letters,
emptied crêpe containers;
wrinkled sheets,
cracked headboards,
newspaper articles;
honeycombs,
eggshells,
and lilies.

3.

In India,
I was born Eshana.

I spent many years
numb to my senses
and lost in a world
of meditation.
Until the day
that I crossed the border
and learned
my name and status
did not have to
dictate my future.

4.

In church,
a priest taught me
what the hands of God
really felt like.

I spent years on
bent knees,
silent prayers,
and shifting glances.

5.

In France,
I made men stir
by writing anonymous,
provocative,
letters
and leaving them
in random mailboxes.

Singlehandedly,
I made Paris
the city of love.

6.

In Hamilton,
I spend a moment
looking at a pet rabbit.

Whose soul I recognize,
although I can’t remember
which lifetime he’s from.

7.

Here,
I spend every waking minute
trying to make you realize
what you have
and what you could lose
As days go by,
I see you losing it more and more.