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The Vending Machine

by xGlitchedSalvationx


as Maria walked home from school, she took a breath of the cool fall air, taking in the colors of the leaves. popping in her earbuds, she continues home. As Maria continues walking, her backpack feels heavier, so she stops to rest. 

Suddenly, she spies a vending machine, that seems somehow... eerie. grabbing a coin, Maria cranks it, suddenly a tingle runs down her spine, and with a shudder, the machine spits out a dull plastic ball. when she opens it, a ghastly groan freezes the air, and something escapes. 

Maria tries to scream but... nothing escapes. she feels hot, and... she's gone. another soul lost to the vending machine.


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Wed Dec 29, 2021 2:37 pm
HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

as Maria walked home from school, she took a breath of the cool fall air, taking in the colors of the leaves. popping in her earbuds, she continues home. As Maria continues walking, her backpack feels heavier, so she stops to rest.

Suddenly, she spies a vending machine, that seems somehow... eerie. grabbing a coin, Maria cranks it, suddenly a tingle runs down her spine, and with a shudder, the machine spits out a dull plastic ball. when she opens it, a ghastly groan freezes the air, and something escapes.

Maria tries to scream but... nothing escapes. she feels hot, and... she's gone. another soul lost to the vending machine.


Hmm, well this is a rather short piece here, I don't believe I've seen too many stories of this length standing on their own, but yet, this one somehow manages to do so. Its a very short scene at best, but there is a plot that does manage to have a surprisingly satisfactory ending given how short this is.

I love the flow here, its very simple, but there is a distinct section where we get a sense of anticipation and build up towards this particular moment, it really makes this a much better piece and the description of how that phenomenon of the vending machine doing its thing starts is also really well done. You can immediately tell something is very wrong, and while its got a slightly cartoonish air to it, it does manage to instill just a bit of fear into the reader and some sympathy for poor Maria.

The ending too is oddly haunting there. I think you capture the image of a soul just being lost rather well I think and its a very eerie description to end on. I think it makes for a pretty good ending there. The matter of fact tone especially just lends it a very fun atmosphere there at the end. Overall, a very enjoyable read here. :D

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry






thank you so much! I hope you'll consider reading the series once I can scrap together enough to publish it!



HarryHardy says...


You're Welcome!! :D



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Fri Dec 17, 2021 8:35 pm
MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi xGlitchedSalvationx,

Mailice here with a short review! :D And belated welcome to YWS! :D

On first look we have a pretty interesting story here with a nice twist and a bit of a supernatural event. I like it so far and can see a longer “short story” of it in the future.

as Maria walked home from school, she took a breath of the cool fall air, taking in the colors of the leaves. popping in her earbuds, she continues home. As Maria continues walking, her backpack feels heavier, so she stops to rest. 

It's a nice first section where we get to know the main character and also what she is doing. In terms of tone, it starts off quite solid and I like the little detail that we have Autumn. I think there are some points here that you could expand on, like what kind of music she listens to, exactly how old she is, etc....

Suddenly, she spies a vending machine, that seems somehow... eerie. grabbing a coin, Maria cranks it, suddenly a tingle runs down her spine, and with a shudder, the machine spits out a dull plastic ball. when she opens it, a ghastly groan freezes the air, and something escapes. 

It's a nice break you create here, suddenly going from one beautiful scene to this one, and I also like that it unfolds so quickly without the reader being able to know directly what exactly has happened. So in this case, just like Maria, the reader is a little unaware, but curiosity wins out, after all. :D

Maria tries to scream but... nothing escapes. she feels hot, and... she's gone. another soul lost to the vending machine.


It's a very abrupt ending and I can see what's so scary about it. You are using a motif that everyone knows and an object that everyone has used to give a shock to the reader. It's definitely a good start.

Some points that I noticed while reading, besides the lack of capitalisation, are the lack of more information in some places. I think you've already made a very good start, but I would recommend expanding the story a bit more in some places. I'll give you some questions that can help you add some more elements to the story:

Who is Maria? Where exactly does she live? What does her journey home look like? Are there other people on the street where she is? Does she always go home this way? Is the vending machine always there?

But what I liked was the ending. It was surprising and very good in the sense that you are now standing there and don't know directly what has happened. If you want to write more horror stories, it wouldn't be wrong to answer the above questions, but also to keep using some everyday objects. :D

Have fun writing!

Mailice






Thank you for reading! I'll explain a bit here about the lack of elaboration here: I'm planning on dragging this out into a series. I still have to write, edit, and scrap some points together for it. The lack of capitalization is an editorial error. (I had better chat with Grammarly about that.) I hope you will consider reading the series! bye!





Sure. I try to keep my eyes open for it. :D



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Thu Dec 16, 2021 12:29 am
vampricone6783 wrote a review...



Oh wow…what an interesting story…I wonder if Maria will turn into vending machine food.Did she become the vending machine? How is it cursed? Who cursed it? Did someone or something curse it? Why was there a curse? You see,this was a fun short horror story to read.It makes for a lot of questions,a lot of wondering.Lovely story.I hope you have a great day/night.






hope you do too. All your questions will be answered once I write the series.



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Wed Dec 15, 2021 9:12 pm
R33SE wrote a review...



Hey there, R33SE here for a review!

An interesting short story, to say the least, simply because it has a LOT of potential for being turned into something, yet you haven't? Rather, you left it entirely open ended and incomplete, leaving us to wonder; what is this vending machine? Who placed it there? What was in that ball she opened? What came out of it? And where did it take Maria?

It urges me to ask you what your purpose of writing this piece is? Or is there a purpose?

Generally I would also judge an review the prose, but in cases such as this I find that irrelevant simply because there is little to no structure, yet there is plenty of substance, which means the delivery is far less important than the contents of the package.

Are you hoping to turn this into something longer? If so, feel free to tag me if/when you do!






I actually am, I just wrote this little teaser for a longer series. I just have to get some points.



R33SE says...


Oh well perfect, would love to read more, can't say I've heard of a vending machine portal concept before!





I kinda took inspiration from Yo-Kai watch for the vending machine, though there it was a capsule.




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