When I reached my bedroom, my eyes were on the brink of releasing floods of tears and I finally admitted to myself that I couldn’t keep this bottled up inside anymore. I knew I had to tell someone.
I threw myself onto my bed and reached for my mobile on the bed side cabinet. When I had it in my grasp, I rolled onto my back and dialled.
After a few moments of desperately praying for an answer, the ringing stopped and I heard a safe, familiar voice.
“Hello?” she said in that fake phone voice.
“Hey Roxy, it’s Lily.”
“Oh, hiya Lily. What’s up?”
“Meet me at Smugglers watch, okay?”
“What? Why? When?” she replied, sounding puzzled.
“No time to explain, just meet me there in five minutes.”
“Okay,” she said. “Five minutes.”
I dropped my mobile back onto the cabinet and looked down at my pink and black chequered duvet, seeing droplets of water and mascara soaking through the fabric. The floodgates had finally opened.
When I reached the final turning on the way up to Smugglers watch, a rush of anxiety spread through me. What if she doesn’t come? My breathing quickened with worry as the wind picked up, making my blonde hair whip against my cheeks.
Thankfully though, my doubts were cast aside as I saw a delicate figure seated on the bench, her knees tucked up under her hoody. When she saw me, she sprung up and ran over to where I was standing, her cheeks rosy from the sea breeze.
“Hey,” she said when she reached me, but before I could even reply, she had flung her arms around me and I was unwillingly pulled towards her. “You’ve been crying,” she said a moment later, stepping back to observe my face.
“How do you know?” I replied, my voice cracking.
“Your mascara isn’t as waterproof as it says.”
“What?”
“Well, most of it’s on your cheeks,” she said with a gentle smile. “And unless that’s the fashion now…”
Oops. I had been in such a rush to meet Roxy that I hadn’t bothered to check what I looked like before I’d left the house. I must look so stupid.
I smiled back at her meekly. “You’ve had highlights.”
“That was random,” she said with a grin. “And yes, do you like them?”
“They’re great,” I answered, willing my smile to stay put as the real reason that I was here crept back to the foreground of my mind.
Roxy had been thinking about having her hair dyed for ages and I never thought that she would actually have it done. Her black locks looked amazing with the underneath and side fringe purple.
“Thanks,” she replied. “Now for the real reason that we’re here.”
“Where did you get them done?” I asked.
“Lily, stop changing the subject,” Roxy said, looking at me in annoyance. “Please tell me what’s wrong.”
“Nothing.” Roxy’s my best friend of seven years and I know that I can trust her with my life, but it doesn’t make this any easier. I know the news will devastate her. She’ll take it even harder than me.
“Well, if you’re gonna be like that,” she replied, looking exasperated at my feeble answers. She took a step backwards.
“No, don’t go,” I pleaded, my eyes welling up with tears again.
“Oh, Lily,” she said, cradling me into another hug. “Just tell me what’s wrong, please.”
I took a step back and sighed. Looking down at my brand new green Converse, I saw that they were caked in mud, but I wasn’t that bothered as I knew they could be cleaned up - unlike my current life situation.
I took a deep breath. “I’m moving away.” My lower lip began to tremble yet again.
“What!” shouted Roxy, “but how can you? I mean your mum and step dad both work here in their florists. They can’t just pack up and leave the shop.” She looked dumbfounded, her eyes watering.
“No, Roxy, you’ve got it wrong. My family’s staying here. I’m the one who’s moving.” And with that, my life was officially over. Telling Roxy had made it seem so much more final. This was really happening to me and there was no going back. I didn’t think that I had any tears left to cry, but my eyes proved otherwise.
“Why?” Roxy asked, her mascara all down her cheeks now too.
“They say it’s for the best. That I’ll be better off living with Dad in Bristol, but what do they know? They just hate me, that’s all.”
“Don’t be silly,” Roxy soothed, trying to reassure me.
“No,” I replied, defiantly. “I know the real reason why I’m being forced out of my own home.” I looked over at Roxy whose pink sleeves were now stained black with her own mascara. Her dusty, blue eyes were swollen red. “It’s Paul. I know what he’s been up to.”
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hey there!
Now this review is solely going to be based on this part as I haven't read the previous part.
Now, as far as your basic plot synopsis goes, it seems pretty dull. However, as long as you add enough spice and good writing, that shouldn't be too much of a worry.
Also, I adore the name Lily Foxglove.
I like the dialogue you've used. Not too forced and real-like. But you need to up on the description. I understand that she's upset, but you can use this as a great way to develop your character. Show us more of her emotions and how she looks at things when she's upset.
The bit about her friend's hair seemed odd and out of place. If you're trying to lighten the mood, maybe have her friend say a little joke or something.
That's a good end. Makes me want to read more.
Cheers
~Lava
Ohhh My Goodness! Cliff-hangers!! How I hate/love them! Good job again! I am ackeing to read more, so update soon! Like, really soon. I really really liked this one! You have amazing writing skills, keep up the good work! Never stop writing!
-Ruth.