Lily Foxglove 5.2

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Hey dudes =] So I said I was going to post this like two weeks ago and I kind of... forgot :oops: Oh well. It's here now and I hope you like it! xDudettex

When I had finished recounting the argument between me and Blake, and explaining to them that I had two weeks of detention to look forward to, they both looked speechless. Mum had a hand pressed lightly to her forehead and Paul was staring down at a knot of wood in the dining room table.

“It wasn’t that bad,” I said, chewing nervously on my bottom lip. “And anyway, I only did it to stand up for a friend.”

When no-one responded, I was forced to sit in silence for a couple of minutes whilst my Mum and Step Dad gave each other comprehensive looks.

Then Paul started speaking as if I wasn’t even there.

“This is exactly the sort of thing that I’ve been telling you about, Maggie,” he said, “it’s just another reason why we should do it now.”

Mum nodded weakly before Paul returned his hardened gaze to me.

“What are you talking about?” I asked, although I wasn’t sure that I wanted to find out.

“Me and your Mother think that it would be a good idea if you spent some time with your Father,” he said, still holding me firmly with his gaze.

“What? You mean go on a holiday of some sort?” I questioned. Why do I have to see Dad all of a sudden? It’s not like he’s bothered with me over the last eight years.

“You could say that,” Paul replied, his glare faltering ever so slightly.

“What do you mean?” I asked. I wanted the truth.

“Lily,” Mum replied, her voice wavering. She was wringing her hands. “What Paul and I are trying to say, is that we think you would be better off living with your Father for a while in Bristol.”

“W-what?” I stammered, feeling the tears start to well up in my eyes. It felt like someone had just kicked me in the stomach. “You can’t do this to me!”

“Lily love, it’ll be for the best,” Mum pleaded, trying to calm me down.

“No, it won’t! How can you say that?” I argued. I could feel my stomach knotting uncomfortably. “I’ll have a horrid time. I don’t have any friends there at all. I’ll have to start a new school, not to mention I have the most important exams of my life coming up.”

“You can do your exams at the school in Bristol,” Paul replied, plainly, his gaze still boring into me.

“How do you know that?” I asked, trying desperately to find some flaw in their plan.

“We’ve already discussed it with the Head Master of the secondary school that you’ll be going to there,” Mum answered, and I could tell that she was trying to make me feel slightly happier, but it wasn’t working.

I blinked back tears, though I felt a few escape and slide down my cheeks.

“So you’ve gone behind my back and planned all of this?” I spat, the hatred for them building up with every passing second.

“Well, what would you rather us do?” he replied. “Us plan out your new life in Bristol or just send you there without knowing what to do?”

“I’d rather you not force me to go at all, but you’re obviously not going to listen!” I exclaimed, standing up and wiping my eyes with my sleeves.

“Lily, you’re being stupid,” Mum said, and I could see tears in her eyes too.

“No. You’re the ones being completely stupid,” I shouted, as I turned to go upstairs. “I’m not going!” What were they thinking? My heart hammered against my chest and I felt hollow. What had I done to deserve this?

I jumped as I heard the sound of a chair being scraped back across the stone floor and fists banging on the table. Turning back around, I saw Paul standing up, looking livid. His uni-brow was lowered so low that it was pressing against his threatening eyes.

“Now, you listen to me and you listen good,” Paul started, his face growing more red with anger by the second. “You’re going to live with your Dad in Bristol and that’s final!”

“You can’t control my life!” I screamed, now letting the tears run freely down my cheeks.

“Tough!” Paul seethed, raising his voice so loud that it hurt my ears. I’ve never seen him so angry. “You’re going to Bristol and that’s that.”

“Do you know what?” I screeched, clenching my hands into tight fists. “Hate is a strong word, but I really, really don’t like you!” And with that, I fled upstairs to the safe haven of my bedroom.

The weekend flew by. Maybe it was due to the fact that I’d spent nearly all of it in my bedroom. I had only left it to use the bathroom and I’d made sure that I wasn’t seen when I did. The one time that I did cross my Mum on the landing, she had attempted a small smile which I’d ignored, giving her an icy stare in return. She had been trying to get me to come out of my room all of Friday evening, but Paul had eventually told her to give up as I could be a ‘stubborn cow,’ when I wanted to. Yeah, hearing that’s hardly going to make me want to come out of my room. Mum had been leaving food outside of my door at meal times, but I made sure that I left them untouched. Well the majority of them anyway. A girl has to eat.

School on Monday was uncomfortable. I wasn’t sure whether I wanted to tell Roxy about my dilemma because I knew that she’d only start crying, which would make me feel even worse about being forced out of my own home. Roxy’s an extremely sensitive person and I don’t know how she’d react to hearing the news that I’m leaving to live with my Dad. The same Dad that hasn’t bothered to get in touch with me since me and my Mum left him eight years ago.

When I got home from school on Wednesday however, I was determined to have a little chat with my Mum and I knew that Paul wasn’t going to be there to interfere. When I entered the kitchen, she was standing with her back to me, washing up. She jumped when I spoke.

“I want to ask you a question,” I said, sitting down on one of the wooden dining chairs.

Mum looked a bit surprised that I had actually decided to talk to her for the first time in five days, but she didn’t look like she was going to pass up the chance of winning me over.

“What is it, love?” she asked, taking off her rubber gloves and walking over to join me at the table. I scoffed at the fact that she had chosen to address me as ‘love,’ but I pressed on.

“Who was in charge of making the decision?”

Her face crumpled as if the hope that I would forget about the fight had just vanished.

“Lily,” she began. “I don’t think we should carry on with this conversation.”

“Why not?” I asked sternly. “After all, it does happen to have an effect on my life.”

She looked nervous and she shifted in her chair slightly before she spoke again.

“We both came to the same conclusion,” she replied, although she had been looking at the floor whilst speaking.

“And who had the idea in the first place?” I asked, watching her reaction carefully.

She hesitated for a while before she spoke. “Paul did.”

That was more than enough for me.

“I knew it,” I said, as I got up out of the chair and turned towards the front door.

“You knew what?” she asked.

“Nothing!” I called, running to the door.

“Lily!” she exclaimed, but I wasn’t going to answer.

Thanks for reading!

Comments & reviews · 2
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Pippiedooda
Review

Hello Dudette! :D I'm so glad you posted this part!

When no-one responded, I was forced to sit in silence for a couple of minutes whilst my Mum and Step Dad gave each other comprehensive looks.


'No-one responded and I was forced' or 'Neither of them responded and I was forced' could sound better here, I'm not sure why it just seemed a bit off to me. Might just be my perspective on it though so do whatever you think :)

I could feel my stomach knotting uncomfortably.


You have mentioned recently about her feeling like she was being kicked in the stomach so I'd probably change what part of the body you are using here like to talk about her throat or shaking or something like that, or you could extend upon the kicking for instance 'My stomach was now knotting uncomfortably where the initial blow had hit me.'

“We’ve already discussed it with the Head Master of the secondary school that you’ll be going to there,” Mum answered, and I could tell that she was trying to make me feel slightly happier, but it wasn’t working.


I don't really see how this would make her feel happier or how her mum would see it that way, maybe something on the end about her saying the school looked really nice or had a good reputation would make more sense with her mum trying to cheer her up?

I blinked back tears, though I felt a few escape and slide down my cheeks


'I tried to blink back tears' could be better here :)

“Us plan out your new life in Bristol or just send you there without knowing what to do?”


I'm not sure about 'without knowing what to do', do you mean that Lily wouldn't know what to do? I think you could phrase it a bit differently, maybe something about her being stuck there with nothing arranged or without an education or something like that would fit well instead.

My heart hammered against my chest and I felt hollow.


I'd maybe relate these two a bit more, perhaps something about her heart hammering in her hollow chest or despite her heart hammering against her chest she felt like she was completely hollow?

His uni-brow was lowered so low that it was pressing against his threatening eyes.


Instead of 'threatening' I think you could use a better description so that it shows the reader how they are threatening, like 'glittering' or 'granite' or 'dark glittering' or something about the darkness of them :)

because I knew that she’d only start crying, which would make me feel even worse about being forced out of my own home. Roxy’s an extremely sensitive person and I don’t know how she’d react to hearing the news that I’m leaving to live with my Dad.


You have said how Roxy would react then say Lily wouldn't know how Roxy would react, maybe you could be a bit more vague at first, like saying something about her being really upset, so then it would make more sense about her not knowing exactly how she would act.

I was determined to have a little chat with my Mum and I knew that Paul wasn’t going to be there to interfere.


I'd maybe add in here how she knew he wouldn't be there.

“I knew it,” I said, as I got up out of the chair and turned towards the front door.

Nothing!” I called, running to the door.


I'd maybe describe the action a bit more, like instead of saying 'got' perhaps she jumped out of her chair or leaped up. As from the first part I kind of got the image already that she was running towards the front door, perhaps you could change the second part to something about her wrenching it open and slamming it shut behind her?

Overall: I love this story! I am so annoyed at Paul! I think you did amazingly in getting across how she felt and showing how horrible Paul is, I loved the cliffhanger too :D

I think you did really well in imagery, the only thing I think could be improved on would be their voices. For instance when Lily comes home and first starts talking to her mum you could mention how she keeps her feelings tightly restrained and her voice void of emotion or something like that :)

You jump from Monday to Wednesday and I think it is good how you separate the argument to when she talks to her mum but I'd maybe mention just a sentence or two to cover what goes on in that period. You could just say about how Roxy was getting annoyed with her extended bad mood or how she struggled through when her thoughts were focusing on one thing, just to show the reader how she is coping.

I was kind of wondering about the dad situation, have Paul and her mum spoken to him? If I were Lily I'd be a bit curious as to what her dad had said when they asked and things like that, just a thought though :) You could always mention a bit more about it in later parts.

Over all though brilliant work once again, all my comments are just suggestions, hope I've helped! :D *star*

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lisalulu09
Review

Loved it. :D

Were you happening to be listening to Hate (I Don't Really Like You) when you put one of the lyrics in this bit? :P

Next bit, please. :)



sometimes i'm like "I should say something quotable to make it into the quote gen" but then I feel bad because quote gen quotes are very spontaneous
— theromanticchemist