Published April 17, 2008
Fear taps me on the shoulder,
Gently like fear is scared,
Fear whispers in my ear,
So quietly I can only sense it,
Fear follows me home,
Keeping in the shadows,
Fear waits for me on the porch,
Beckoning me to our home,
Fear slithers behind me up the stairs,
Getting more confident,
Fear's foul breath is hot on my neck
As I slowly open the door,
Fear is ready to pounce,
When I see him in the bathroom,
Fear is killing me,
It's found it's power,
Fear recoils as it realises,
I am no longer scared of him.
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140,903 Literary Works • 673,714 Reviews
You do really hit us continuelly with this. My hed feel like it's been hit with a sledgehammer. It's a nice idea but repeation of fear, is very bad. I love how you personify fear but repeating it on and on loses the impact you want. Overall: It's a nice idea but repeatition just loses it intended effect, for it goes on and on. Hope this helps.
Good luck
VSN
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Listening to: No Use For A Name - The Dregs Of Sobriety
via FoxyTunes
Nice. A interesting style you've you used to describe fear, I don't really think it needs anything else, simple and gets the meaning across quite well.
I like this as it accurately describes fear
It does need a bit of work on the overall feel of it though, as it is a draft.
Finish the whole piece and then i shall properly review it
Good so far though!